… when you look down at your freshly painted toes and feel that rush. OMG!

I’m new, quite new in fact, but the desires have spanned decades. Like so many on here whose own stories are very compelling. They come from hard backgrounds, tough times and a locked closet of ten bolts, locks and rivets so that no one can pry that door open. Not all of our paths to this point are the same, but a lot of us have emerged from similar backgrounds.

So when there’s that moment when we can look down at our toes or feel the fabric grace upon our skin we can rejoice, even if just for a few minutes. Because ultimately, hopefully, some day we can let our inner girl out from the shell we’ve had within us.

No matter what way we choose to create that opening of exploration and feeling, it’s with hope that we all, all of us, can some day experience that at a time that best suits us. Not everyone wants 24/7 but a lot do. Not everyone has the same buttons to press and that’s okay too. The great thing about a place like CDH is that we all get it. We may not be the same, or have the same desires and wants, but we get it at the most basic level. The incredible love and support here is beyond words: the best experience I could’ve asked for.

The road may be very hard and difficult. The opportunities may be limited or seemingly non-existent but I will always know that I have a home here of girls that understand and get it. That’s a huge blessing when there are days I wake wondering exactly how I got here and where do I go now that I am here. These steps are tough but they’re good solid steps. However, as I take those steps I see my painted toes and I know this is where I was meant to be.

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Belle

The self discovery for this girl is ongoing. I discovered my desire to dress fem at an early age - and unfortunately I was discovered ... and then ridiculed ... and then demeaned ... and then being told I was gay (which at the time was a slam), a freak, basically - any name in the book to otherwise shame me to throw those thoughts out. I did ... and I would revisit them every so often with partners, but they weren't into it or they blamed my interest as the reason for the breakup. I shut that part of me down ... until summer 2016 when a partner woke up this side and ... watch out! I told the rest of my partners as the year wore on - and finally outed myself Dec. '16. It was horrifying, liberating, freeing, scary, wonderful, and most importantly: peaceful. I identify as being gender fluid. I'm blessed to have an incredible immediate support system that's not only okay with it, but support it, feed it and otherwise enjoys that side ever bit as much as I do. I don't take that for granted and wished other girls could afford the same lucky break I got. I'm not sure where my journey will take me. I'm a reserved open book. I have / am considering some form of transition. I'm being very open minded, cautious, patient and otherwise a large sponge that's soaking in as much information as humanly possible. And if you want to know anything else - feel free to ask 🙂

Latest posts by Belle (see all)

87 Comments
  1. Samantha G..... 11 months ago

    Welcome Blue Belle
    Painted toes, I call it happy feet.
    I love having happy feet, who doesn’t 🙂
    hugs…

    • Author
      Belle 11 months ago

      @Samantha Thank you! I love the term “happy feet” because it absolutely is!! *big hugs!*

  2. Jamie2 11 months ago

    I miss Cdheaven can I rejoin the site I miss the sweet ladies

    • Author
      Belle 11 months ago

      Aw – look forward to seeing you back when you can rejoin!

  3. skippy1965(Cynthia) 11 months ago

    Very nice Blue Belle-I like the painted toes, the whiff of perfume and the frisson of the silky material against freshly shaved legs!

  4. Sarah Daniels 11 months ago

    I discovered the joy of painted toes a few months back. While helping my wife with hers she joked and said I should do mine and now I do all the time. I even wander around home barefoot where visitors see them. I joke about them but really for me there is an inner joy in doing something so feminine and pretty and getting away with it. Id never show anyone I work with though – hell I’m not nuts – but for now I can be Sarah all the time even in a little bit. Oh and the felling of silky material on shaved legs is fantastic!!

    • susieque 10 months ago

      Yes, Sarah, silkie material flowing around freshly shaved legs covered in nylon with painted toe nails is a real rush!! I have been to several nail salons in our small Arkansas town and getting a professional mani/pedi is far better than doing it yourself. I usually get a light pink color on my nails. I also wear pantyhose or thigh-hi’s every day, even under shorts when I am out in the town. I have not had a negative comment although guys avoid me like I have a bad desease. women tend to just smile or even wink. my advice is to go for it as long as your wife / girlfriend dosent have any issues with painted nails or nylons on you.

    • Author
      Belle 11 months ago

      @Sarah I completely agree about the inner joy of doing something some femme and able to just be myself! It was an amazing feeling! I can’t wait to have hair free legs to feel that silky material just draped over them … OMG!!! 🙂

  5. Bronwyn 11 months ago

    Like all the posts here i too love my red painted toenails. But being a closet cd i wear covered shoes when going public. When i paint my toenails red i, like the other ladies here feel at my most feminine. My nails on my hands are long and beautiful but for obvious reasons they are just covered with a clear polish, which look lovely and i don’t mind if others notice that. Bronwyn

    • Author
      Belle 11 months ago

      @Brownwyn I completely agree! Red – for some reason really makes me feel even more feminine than I anticipated. I just done my fingernails and the last couple of days were wonderful! (I didn’t have to go out and explain why I had red fingernails but when I did – it was an awesome acceptance of feeling for me internally that I could do this.)

  6. Delbra Dawn cordry 11 months ago

    i love my red toe nails and finger nails also. my daughter says i wear hooker red but i like red. and she loves me regardless of who i am . love and kisses DDC

    • Author
      Belle 11 months ago

      @delbert I love red too! And being bold doesn’t mean we wear the stereotypes either. If someone wants to cast their stereotype at our pretty red nails – well, we can’t do anything about that for them. I’m still going to wear it – even if it makes a statement onto others. Hugs n loves!

  7. Jenny 11 months ago

    I love the article, it is so true, many paths we all have taken but seems that we all share quit a few of the same desires and wants.
    No Needs! Some do what they do for fun some to let the real person out I think. Others like myself do it and not sure why. But I know I enjoy the feeling of being dressed even if it’s just in doors and in private. As far as paint ed toes go so love blue and red, the few times I did paint them I was spellbound and couldn’t look away at something so simple yet so gorgeous has painted toenails.

    • Author
      Belle 11 months ago

      @Jenny – isn’t is amazing how something as simply as painted toenails can send us into orbit?! That’s why I wrote what I did because I still sit back and marvel at what I had done! Regardless of where you dress – it’s reaching your inner you – which is an amazing thing to do!!

  8. Kim Cummings 11 months ago

    Well, improvement in the world of cross dressing is a very erotic theme. I’m sure that some paint ones toenails, but not their fingernails. I shave my legs. I enjoy the smooth feel of hair free silky smooth legs. I can’t pass for a female as I’m too tall. I am a narcissistic person who is kind of closeted.

    • Author
      Belle 11 months ago

      @Kim I would have to agree with you. That’s the amazing part is that we’re all just a little different so while some can glam up entirely (leaving the rest of us in envy) some can just do toes or legs. I’m looking forward to enjoying my own hair free silky smooth legs in the near future! You’ve given me something to look forward to!

  9. Georgette Marie 11 months ago

    When I paint my toe nails I can’t describe the feeling anymore than total femininity! Nothing makes me feel more like a woman than seeing my shiny nails. I love red and pink! One day I’d !I’ve to show the world.

    • Author
      Belle 11 months ago

      @georgettemarie Exactly!! I do hope that I can muster the courage to show the world too – but for now, I’m happy with just admiring my own nails whenever however I can 🙂

      • skippy1965(Cynthia) 11 months ago

        When I went to the SCC CD/TG conference last September,I got a mani pedi-deep red polish on hands and toes. The toes I left on til it started to chip three plus weeks later. The fingernails stayed red all week of the conference and the I kep it on for the two day drive home even though I was in male mode. They just looked too
        Pretty to take it off til I HAD to for work after I got home . Not sure who did or didn’t notice besides me but I didn’t care and no one said anything to me!

        Cyn

  10. debbie 11 months ago

    I love my happy feet. Keep my toenails painted especially in the summer and feels so girlie. Finger nails are also in clear polish but use all kinds of colors when out from summer plum to flaming red. Everyone notices beautiful nails now

    • Author
      Belle 11 months ago

      @debbie I’m really looking forward to keeping my happy feet happy from this point forward. I have some clear polish that I’m looking forward to trying. The feet are bouncing happy!! 🙂

  11. Kim Cummings 11 months ago

    “You can’t always get what you want, you can’t always get what you want, but if you try real hard, you just might get what you need “Mick Jagger of the Rolling Stones.”

  12. Astrid 11 months ago

    Hello, If only i had the courage to do something nice. A bit here a bit since,that’s all.
    You’r all so incredibly nice,but i believe my self-esteem is not good.

    Sorry,i do not speak english good.
    Be hugged.
    Astrid

    • Astrid 11 months ago

      Hello dear Blue Bell ,
      Love thanks for the kind words. It makes a bit of courages.
      I am married,i know the real problem i myself. Astrid

    • Author
      Belle 11 months ago

      @Astrid – you’re absolutely fine hon. Just give it the time it needs to. All things happen when they’re supposed to – and that’s how it works.

  13. Jennifer Michelle 11 months ago

    I just recently started getting my nails done at a salon it’s pretty awesome but I always seemto feel out of place there as a male but my toes are red right now and I like it a lot. I wish it was acceptable for guys in general as well as girls cause even in guy mode it’s awesome 🙂

    • Author
      Belle 11 months ago

      @Jennifer – I can’t wait to do a salon some time! My partner states that guys go in there all the time for mani-pedi treatments, but you’re right – I wish it was more acceptable for guys to go in and come out with your red toes! Alas, social change just seems stuck sometimes.

  14. Christy Hunter 11 months ago

    What a fantastic article. I love looking at my painted red toes and I can really relate to this article. Thank you so much Blue Belle.

    Christy.

    • Author
      Belle 11 months ago

      Aw! Thank you so much!! I can totally relate to loving to look at our painted beauties (as my red fingers dance across the keyboard …) Yay! 🙂

  15. Dani 11 months ago

    my toes are always done, light pink in summers and reds to purples in winter. While wearing sandals in summer with the pink I have never had a comment. My legs have no hair, lasered off, again, never had a comment. My fingers are always done in a natural colour. My wife although not supportive is becoming more accepting.

    • Author
      Belle 11 months ago

      That’s awesome @Dani! I’m glad that you’re able to step out and into the open while having some acceptance. It makes a huge difference I’m happy for you! I look forward to keeping my toes and fingers done as often as I’m able. I’m also going the hairless route over time – so I’m glad to hear of your experience and glad things have gone well there.

  16. Nikki 11 months ago

    This is a wonderful article. I don’t choose to be 24/7 CHD partly because I can’t and it would rise complications. This is fine with me. I am not looking to make any gender statement I just want to be happy. So i am glad I can wear anything and no longer feel bad about it.

    • Author
      Belle 11 months ago

      Thank you @Nikki! The great thing is that there’s no right or wrong way – just the right way that works best for you. I will say that I don’t dress to make a gender statement – because I’m just dressing for me. Whatever that encompasses is where I feel like I want to me. I consider myself incredibly fortunate and lucky as most girls here have a really tough time being able to bring themselves out. I’m very happy that you’re able to wear anything you want without feeling bad! It’s a great feeling isn’t it?!?

      • Nikki 11 months ago

        I use to be so bad when i was young. I started early around 13 or 14. By sneaking and wearing feminine cloths. I felt weird and horrified but it felt good at the time. But fought to stop it and i did for a while. these past several years i have learned to embrace and i know i am not weird or abnormal i am just me and happy about it. No one knows i do this but for me i dont do it for others to know. I do it for me and i am very content to wear any little piece of feminine cloths i can. Its is a great feeling!!!!

  17. Janine 11 months ago

    I’ve been going to a nail salon for pedicures for a long time but yesterday while I was sitting there the person giving me the pedicure asked me if I wanted her to put clear on my toes.
    I thought
    Why not and told her yes please do.
    She didn’t hesitate and put a nice clear coat of polish on my toes and then a pair of flip flops so that I could walk to the counter that has floor fans so that they could dry.
    What a enjoyable experience it was and now I’m going to have my toes painted every time I go for a pedicure

    • Bronwyn 11 months ago

      Every time i go past my local nail salon, the girls try to drag me in when they notice my nails. And yes i put a clear on my toenails too. and on my fingernails……not brave enough to wear colour there. Just a thought….bronwyn

    • Author
      Belle 11 months ago

      @Janine That’s amazing! I’m going to that next time too! Not sure I’m as brave as you to wear flip flops – but that’s a brilliant idea to ensure that they dry. Thanks!

  18. Jackie Wild 11 months ago

    I especially like what you said about there not being a right way or a wrong way, I agree wholeheartedly with that. There are many who seem to get caught up and hung up when we develop that mind set, that I’m not doing it like she is or she is and how can I. As individuals we develop our wn persona and in doing so create the woman that we choose to unleash. Oh and I love the concept of red “happy feet”, awesome. Great article.

    • Author
      Belle 11 months ago

      @nikkolle1 Yay for happy feet!! I appreciate the “no right way or wrong way” comment you made. It’s totally true though because we get stuck in so many labels and twuisms – that we think there’s only one way to do things. It’s totally not that way and in fact, it’s almost better to have our own paths because we learn so much more and be better because of our differences. Thanks for the great comment and reminder for us all to be unique!!

  19. April (Pacific Princess) 11 months ago

    Alas, I seem to have lost the big toenail on my right foot for good. Too much unattended athletes foot in my youth. Which is why I glue on fake toenails. They look OK, but I really miss my mani-pedis. It’s the little things like painted nails that give us a little bliss.

    April

    • Author
      Belle 11 months ago

      @april57 – So sorry to hear about your situation. At least you found an alternative that works – but yeah, I can see how you still miss out on the mani-pedi experience. I haven’t had one done to me yet – but I look forward to that day soon! Be well April 🙂

  20. Kim Cummings 11 months ago

    I have a great idea . I plan on using one way glass on my windows. I will be able to see ot but the people who are outside cannot see in. Using dark tint on car windows could be fun too.

    • Author
      Belle 11 months ago

      Love the idea 🙂

  21. Kim Cummings 11 months ago

    I once went to a nail salon and had a French manicure done. The girl tried to talk me out of it,but I Insisted. The result was just too unbelievable. The felt like it was the thing to do. I wore gloves sometimes, but I didn’t care about what other people thought. It was a little difficult to do buttons, and the long nails took some getting used to. The look of the pretty nails were worth it.

    • Leonara 11 months ago

      Wow Kim… French manicure is still on my “to do list”…I have had manicures but not the French…. How long did you keep the French manicure? Thank you for sharing…

    • Author
      Belle 11 months ago

      @kim-cummings – I’m glad you stuck with it and got what you wanted. The public perception thing – I totally get and understand. I’m still trying to sort that out a bit, but kudos to you for sticking to what you wanted! Well done!

  22. Jamies time 11 months ago

    I have been wanting to go to a nail salon for nails also and I’m going to try it soon.I go to the salon for makeup lessons and facial massage once a month in full dress and I love it

    • Author
      Belle 11 months ago

      @jamies-time – that’s awesome!! I look forward to that experience some day. I have a couple leads for a makeup person that I hope works out. Yay!! I’m happy for you!!

  23. Dani 11 months ago

    thanks Blue Belle for your support. I am out to my children, daughter in law, and all of my family. All are Ok with it. I am out to my best friends and they are ok. All said just don’t dress around them. My wife now has taken 8 years to get to accepting but still not understanding. However, she is willing to work with me. it has not been easy.

    • Jessy Frances 10 months ago

      You are courageous Dani ,I cant see my wife accepting me if she found out but I love who I am and what I wear so I will persist!

  24. zena simmons 11 months ago

    Some of you gals are lucky have such people to understand what you’re going through or what makes u happy as for me I’m happy being the woman I am but at sametime somewhat trapped in being male figure on account people round me don’t get it or don’t understand I’d rather show my feminine self as it’s hard to combine my inner woman with male body without letting other’s know however trying my best to let her out an show what she’s made of

    • Author
      Belle 11 months ago

      @Zena I think most all of us get this. In fact, I know there’s a lot of stories from girls on here that have been in the same situation as you. It seems depressing and impossible – but things can happen over time. We perceive that we’re locked in these boxes and while yes – there will be those folks that simply won’t understand – it’s not the end of the world either. Again, time changes things. I never thought that at the age of 47 – I would be able to fully embrace what I do today. That’s 40 years since the first time I crossdressed and I thought that part of me was gone forever. Thankfully that wasn’t the case. Hang in there – your time will hopefully come soon!

      Belle

  25. Stefanie 11 months ago

    Went to pedi with my wife she picked the color
    I vealways had a thing for pretty feet and polishing my toes

    • Author
      Belle 11 months ago

      @Stefanie – that’s great! What color do you have now?

      • Stefanie 11 months ago

        Its called pat on the black
        Dark purple looks black
        Sallie Hansen

  26. Robin Twain 11 months ago

    Hmmm…my first mani/pedi? Tonight is my first night with my first wig. It is indescribable.

    • Author
      Belle 11 months ago

      Awesome! I do hope you share how that was some time. I got my first wig the other day but haven’t had a chance to give it a good attempt yet. I’m so excited!!

      • Jessy Frances 10 months ago

        I have just ordered my first wig and cant wait then I can venture out to shops.

  27. Delbra Dawn cordry 11 months ago

    i don’t stop with shaved legs i shave my whole body

    • Mikki 2 weeks ago

      I shave my whole body as well. I agree Tracy.

    • Tracy Jay 11 months ago

      Oh yes, the feeling of being freshly shaved all over is wonderful. Especially then slipping on a pair of pantyhose

    • Author
      Belle 11 months ago

      @Delbra – I’m envious at the moment. I’ve been mulling around doing the same thing – and I’m curious if you just went the razor route or if you did something else.

      Belle

      • Jessy Frances 10 months ago

        Hi Belle I use an electric hair trimmer first the get the razor out seems to work well for me.

      • Aiyanna Kateri 11 months ago

        I am so proud of you girl. I have been shaving my entire body from neck down for the past 3 months. I am hoping to get a pedicure very soon. I love the advice and tips on this site. 🙂

  28. Janine 11 months ago

    I took the plunge
    I went back to the salon where I had gotten my toe nails coated with clear polish the last time I was in there
    This time I had the same girl who did my pedicure doing it again
    I asked her to bring me the box of nail polish so I could choose a color
    I picked out a wine color and told her that I wanted her to use it on my toes
    She didn’t hesitate and started to apply the polish on my toes.
    When she was through the lady seated next to me remarked on how lovely that my toes looked.
    I can hardly wait until I can put on a pair of thigh high stockings and a pair of open toe heels and go out shopping.
    I want to thank everyone who posted here telling about their own experiences.
    That’s what gave me the confidence to try it

    • Michelle 10 months ago

      Janine you are very amazing I have always wanted to do that but my wife does not accept me in female form so can never do it.

    • Stefanie 11 months ago

      Go for it i do its my foot my choice the more of us that do the more its accepted

    • Author
      Belle 11 months ago

      That’s amazing @Janine!! Congratulations!! That’s a huge step and you did it head held high!! I’m so happy for you!!!

  29. Rochelle 11 months ago

    I get pedicures on a regular basis. Almost always French Tips, I also wear flip flops most of the time. Living in Texas, where it is warm quite a bit of the time helps.

    • Author
      Belle 11 months ago

      That’s awesome @Rochelle!! I’m a bit envious in that regard – but I will have to look into it!

  30. Karen Love 11 months ago

    I have gone to a nail salon and gotten my legs waxed and then had a manicure and pedicure and picked a very pale pink nail polish ….it was wonderful ….one of the greatest experiences I ever had . Now every time I go to the salon they ask me if I want my legs waxed and always try to talk me into a dark red polish called Scarlet ….so wish I had the couage to get that color…..someday I definitely will!

    • Author
      Belle 10 months ago

      That’s awesome! Go for the Scarlet!! 🙂 You’ll love it!!

    • Tracy Jay 11 months ago

      You lucky girl. Sounds wonderful

  31. Jenna W 11 months ago

    I’ve only had the pleasure once of getting a pedicure…Loved every minute of it. My girlfriend ‘convinced’ me to get it done. I loved all the pampering that was done.

    • Author
      Belle 10 months ago

      Yay! I hope you get to experience some of that pampering love again soon someday!

  32. Stefanie 10 months ago

    Valentine’s Day is on the way time for a pretty pedi thinking a deep dark red
    Can’t wait
    As many of us as possible lets get pedis- it will help all of us open others minds on men getting pedis and if you are really bold go in femme mode

    • Author
      Belle 10 months ago

      I totally agree! I just came out last night in the sluttiest red I have – and went out to a local Trans panel forum and it went great! I was very much anxiety riddled and very self-conscious but it was an awesome experience!

      Go for the red! You won’t be sorry!

  33. Renee T 10 months ago

    Beautiful story Blue Belle. I am working up the courage right now to stop into a nail salon to get my one (at least) pedicure done. I have painted my nails a few times and it is such a rush to look down and see something on you that makes you feel like you are yourself. Thanks for sharing.

    • Author
      Belle 10 months ago

      You’re taking steps and you don’t even realize you’re doing it Renee! Even just painting your own nails can lead to those points where you eventually go into a nail salon. I haven’t been yet – but I’ve been told that a lot of guys are going in requesting mani/pedi treatments – so I’m really not all that worried.

      Eventually you may even find one that’s CD-friendly and get them to paint your nails sometime 🙂 Just be true to yourself and take whatever time you need to do the small things. You’re gonna go far!

  34. Rebecca Smith 10 months ago

    I read this last night before I went out for dinner. Loved the post and got inspired so I bought some red nail polish and matching lipstick. 1st polish for me and much bolder lipstick than I’ve ever tried. Go bold or go home! Thanks for the inspiration!

    • Author
      Belle 10 months ago

      That’s awesome Rebecca!! Congratulations for taking that proverbial toe-dip in the pool!

  35. VanessaC 10 months ago

    It’s true, we really can be who we want to!

  36. rebecca 9 months ago

    Hey ladies. I’m Rebecca and most nights in a night owl and awake til daylight. I’m always down for some late night girl talk. If anyone wants to chat please reply

  37. Laura Miller 8 months ago

    Love seeing my painted toes.

    • Mikki 2 weeks ago

      Me too. Dont get to all that often, but that rush is awesome.

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