… when you look down at your freshly painted toes and feel that rush. OMG!

I’m new, quite new in fact, but the desires have spanned decades. Like so many on here whose own stories are very compelling. They come from hard backgrounds, tough times and a locked closet of ten bolts, locks and rivets so that no one can pry that door open. Not all of our paths to this point are the same, but a lot of us have emerged from similar backgrounds.

So when there’s that moment when we can look down at our toes or feel the fabric grace upon our skin we can rejoice, even if just for a few minutes. Because ultimately, hopefully, some day we can let our inner girl out from the shell we’ve had within us.

No matter what way we choose to create that opening of exploration and feeling, it’s with hope that we all, all of us, can some day experience that at a time that best suits us. Not everyone wants 24/7 but a lot do. Not everyone has the same buttons to press and that’s okay too. The great thing about a place like CDH is that we all get it. We may not be the same, or have the same desires and wants, but we get it at the most basic level. The incredible love and support here is beyond words: the best experience I could’ve asked for.

The road may be very hard and difficult. The opportunities may be limited or seemingly non-existent but I will always know that I have a home here of girls that understand and get it. That’s a huge blessing when there are days I wake wondering exactly how I got here and where do I go now that I am here. These steps are tough but they’re good solid steps. However, as I take those steps I see my painted toes and I know this is where I was meant to be.

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The self discovery for this girl is ongoing. I discovered my desire to dress fem at an early age - and unfortunately I was discovered ... and then ridiculed ... and then demeaned ... and then being told I was gay (which at the time was a slam), a freak, basically - any name in the book to otherwise shame me to throw those thoughts out. I did ... and I would revisit them every so often with partners, but they weren't into it or they blamed my interest as the reason for the breakup. I shut that part of me down ... until summer 2016 when a partner woke up this side and ... watch out! I told the rest of my partners as the year wore on - and finally outed myself Dec. '16. It was horrifying, liberating, freeing, scary, wonderful, and most importantly: peaceful. I identify as being gender fluid (edited: I actually now identify as non-binary just because it seems to be the best label to apply atm). I'm blessed to have an incredible immediate support system that's not only okay with it, but support it, feed it and otherwise enjoys that side ever bit as much as I do. I don't take that for granted and wished other girls could afford the same lucky break I got. The journey of life is always evolving. We never know where it's going to take us - but I've learned it's not important to have all the answers. What matters most is just being myself. Even in the imperfections of the world, I can still be me - even when I have to do it in male drab. I'm a reserved open book. A story in progress ... and if you want to know anything else - feel free to ask 🙂

Latest posts by Belle (see all)

  1. Laura Miller 1 year ago

    Love seeing my painted toes.

    • Mikki 6 months ago

      Me too. Dont get to all that often, but that rush is awesome.

  2. rebecca 1 year ago

    Hey ladies. I’m Rebecca and most nights in a night owl and awake til daylight. I’m always down for some late night girl talk. If anyone wants to chat please reply

  3. VanessaC 1 year ago

    It’s true, we really can be who we want to!

  4. Rebecca Smith 1 year ago

    I read this last night before I went out for dinner. Loved the post and got inspired so I bought some red nail polish and matching lipstick. 1st polish for me and much bolder lipstick than I’ve ever tried. Go bold or go home! Thanks for the inspiration!

    • Author
      Belle 1 year ago

      That’s awesome Rebecca!! Congratulations for taking that proverbial toe-dip in the pool!

  5. Renee T 1 year ago

    Beautiful story Blue Belle. I am working up the courage right now to stop into a nail salon to get my one (at least) pedicure done. I have painted my nails a few times and it is such a rush to look down and see something on you that makes you feel like you are yourself. Thanks for sharing.

    • Author
      Belle 1 year ago

      You’re taking steps and you don’t even realize you’re doing it Renee! Even just painting your own nails can lead to those points where you eventually go into a nail salon. I haven’t been yet – but I’ve been told that a lot of guys are going in requesting mani/pedi treatments – so I’m really not all that worried.

      Eventually you may even find one that’s CD-friendly and get them to paint your nails sometime 🙂 Just be true to yourself and take whatever time you need to do the small things. You’re gonna go far!

  6. Stefanie 1 year ago

    Valentine’s Day is on the way time for a pretty pedi thinking a deep dark red
    Can’t wait
    As many of us as possible lets get pedis- it will help all of us open others minds on men getting pedis and if you are really bold go in femme mode

    • Author
      Belle 1 year ago

      I totally agree! I just came out last night in the sluttiest red I have – and went out to a local Trans panel forum and it went great! I was very much anxiety riddled and very self-conscious but it was an awesome experience!

      Go for the red! You won’t be sorry!

  7. Jenna W 1 year ago

    I’ve only had the pleasure once of getting a pedicure…Loved every minute of it. My girlfriend ‘convinced’ me to get it done. I loved all the pampering that was done.

    • Author
      Belle 1 year ago

      Yay! I hope you get to experience some of that pampering love again soon someday!

  8. Karen Love 1 year ago

    I have gone to a nail salon and gotten my legs waxed and then had a manicure and pedicure and picked a very pale pink nail polish ….it was wonderful ….one of the greatest experiences I ever had . Now every time I go to the salon they ask me if I want my legs waxed and always try to talk me into a dark red polish called Scarlet ….so wish I had the couage to get that color…..someday I definitely will!

    • Tracy Jay 1 year ago

      You lucky girl. Sounds wonderful

    • Author
      Belle 1 year ago

      That’s awesome! Go for the Scarlet!! 🙂 You’ll love it!!

  9. Rochelle Mooney 1 year ago

    I get pedicures on a regular basis. Almost always French Tips, I also wear flip flops most of the time. Living in Texas, where it is warm quite a bit of the time helps.

    • Author
      Belle 1 year ago

      That’s awesome @Rochelle!! I’m a bit envious in that regard – but I will have to look into it!

  10. Janine 1 year ago

    I took the plunge
    I went back to the salon where I had gotten my toe nails coated with clear polish the last time I was in there
    This time I had the same girl who did my pedicure doing it again
    I asked her to bring me the box of nail polish so I could choose a color
    I picked out a wine color and told her that I wanted her to use it on my toes
    She didn’t hesitate and started to apply the polish on my toes.
    When she was through the lady seated next to me remarked on how lovely that my toes looked.
    I can hardly wait until I can put on a pair of thigh high stockings and a pair of open toe heels and go out shopping.
    I want to thank everyone who posted here telling about their own experiences.
    That’s what gave me the confidence to try it

    • Author
      Belle 1 year ago

      That’s amazing @Janine!! Congratulations!! That’s a huge step and you did it head held high!! I’m so happy for you!!!

    • Stefanie 1 year ago

      Go for it i do its my foot my choice the more of us that do the more its accepted

    • Michelle 1 year ago

      Janine you are very amazing I have always wanted to do that but my wife does not accept me in female form so can never do it.

  11. Delbra Dawn cordry 1 year ago

    i don’t stop with shaved legs i shave my whole body

    • Author
      Belle 1 year ago

      @Delbra – I’m envious at the moment. I’ve been mulling around doing the same thing – and I’m curious if you just went the razor route or if you did something else.


      • Aiyanna Kateri 1 year ago

        I am so proud of you girl. I have been shaving my entire body from neck down for the past 3 months. I am hoping to get a pedicure very soon. I love the advice and tips on this site. 🙂

      • Jessy Frances 1 year ago

        Hi Belle I use an electric hair trimmer first the get the razor out seems to work well for me.

    • Tracy Jay 1 year ago

      Oh yes, the feeling of being freshly shaved all over is wonderful. Especially then slipping on a pair of pantyhose

    • Mikki 6 months ago

      I shave my whole body as well. I agree Tracy.

  12. Robin Twain 1 year ago

    Hmmm…my first mani/pedi? Tonight is my first night with my first wig. It is indescribable.

    • Author
      Belle 1 year ago

      Awesome! I do hope you share how that was some time. I got my first wig the other day but haven’t had a chance to give it a good attempt yet. I’m so excited!!

      • Jessy Frances 1 year ago

        I have just ordered my first wig and cant wait then I can venture out to shops.

  13. Stefanie 1 year ago

    Went to pedi with my wife she picked the color
    I vealways had a thing for pretty feet and polishing my toes

    • Author
      Belle 1 year ago

      @Stefanie – that’s great! What color do you have now?

      • Stefanie 1 year ago

        Its called pat on the black
        Dark purple looks black
        Sallie Hansen

  14. zena simmons 1 year ago

    Some of you gals are lucky have such people to understand what you’re going through or what makes u happy as for me I’m happy being the woman I am but at sametime somewhat trapped in being male figure on account people round me don’t get it or don’t understand I’d rather show my feminine self as it’s hard to combine my inner woman with male body without letting other’s know however trying my best to let her out an show what she’s made of

    • Author
      Belle 1 year ago

      @Zena I think most all of us get this. In fact, I know there’s a lot of stories from girls on here that have been in the same situation as you. It seems depressing and impossible – but things can happen over time. We perceive that we’re locked in these boxes and while yes – there will be those folks that simply won’t understand – it’s not the end of the world either. Again, time changes things. I never thought that at the age of 47 – I would be able to fully embrace what I do today. That’s 40 years since the first time I crossdressed and I thought that part of me was gone forever. Thankfully that wasn’t the case. Hang in there – your time will hopefully come soon!


  15. Dani 1 year ago

    thanks Blue Belle for your support. I am out to my children, daughter in law, and all of my family. All are Ok with it. I am out to my best friends and they are ok. All said just don’t dress around them. My wife now has taken 8 years to get to accepting but still not understanding. However, she is willing to work with me. it has not been easy.

    • Jessy Frances 1 year ago

      You are courageous Dani ,I cant see my wife accepting me if she found out but I love who I am and what I wear so I will persist!

  16. Jamies time 1 year ago

    I have been wanting to go to a nail salon for nails also and I’m going to try it soon.I go to the salon for makeup lessons and facial massage once a month in full dress and I love it

    • Author
      Belle 1 year ago

      @jamies-time – that’s awesome!! I look forward to that experience some day. I have a couple leads for a makeup person that I hope works out. Yay!! I’m happy for you!!

  17. Kim Cummings 1 year ago

    I once went to a nail salon and had a French manicure done. The girl tried to talk me out of it,but I Insisted. The result was just too unbelievable. The felt like it was the thing to do. I wore gloves sometimes, but I didn’t care about what other people thought. It was a little difficult to do buttons, and the long nails took some getting used to. The look of the pretty nails were worth it.

    • Author
      Belle 1 year ago

      @kim-cummings – I’m glad you stuck with it and got what you wanted. The public perception thing – I totally get and understand. I’m still trying to sort that out a bit, but kudos to you for sticking to what you wanted! Well done!

    • Leonara 1 year ago

      Wow Kim… French manicure is still on my “to do list”…I have had manicures but not the French…. How long did you keep the French manicure? Thank you for sharing…

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