… when you look down at your freshly painted toes and feel that rush. OMG!

I’m new, quite new in fact, but the desires have spanned decades. Like so many on here whose own stories are very compelling. They come from hard backgrounds, tough times and a locked closet of ten bolts, locks and rivets so that no one can pry that door open. Not all of our paths to this point are the same, but a lot of us have emerged from similar backgrounds.

So when there’s that moment when we can look down at our toes or feel the fabric grace upon our skin we can rejoice, even if just for a few minutes. Because ultimately, hopefully, some day we can let our inner girl out from the shell we’ve had within us.

Crossdresser Heaven - Find Your Tribe

No matter what way we choose to create that opening of exploration and feeling, it’s with hope that we all, all of us, can some day experience that at a time that best suits us. Not everyone wants 24/7 but a lot do. Not everyone has the same buttons to press and that’s okay too. The great thing about a place like CDH is that we all get it. We may not be the same, or have the same desires and wants, but we get it at the most basic level. The incredible love and support here is beyond words: the best experience I could’ve asked for.

The road may be very hard and difficult. The opportunities may be limited or seemingly non-existent but I will always know that I have a home here of girls that understand and get it. That’s a huge blessing when there are days I wake wondering exactly how I got here and where do I go now that I am here. These steps are tough but they’re good solid steps. However, as I take those steps I see my painted toes and I know this is where I was meant to be.

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The self discovery for this girl is ongoing. I discovered my desire to dress fem at an early age - and unfortunately I was discovered ... and then ridiculed ... and then demeaned ... and then being told I was gay (which at the time was a slam), a freak, basically - any name in the book to otherwise shame me to throw those thoughts out. I did ... and I would revisit them every so often with partners, but they weren't into it or they blamed my interest as the reason for the breakup. I shut that part of me down ... until summer 2016 when a partner woke up this side and ... watch out! I told the rest of my partners as the year wore on - and finally outed myself Dec. '16. It was horrifying, liberating, freeing, scary, wonderful, and most importantly: peaceful. I identify as being gender fluid (edited: I actually now identify as non-binary just because it seems to be the best label to apply atm). I'm blessed to have an incredible immediate support system that's not only okay with it, but support it, feed it and otherwise enjoys that side ever bit as much as I do. I don't take that for granted and wished other girls could afford the same lucky break I got. The journey of life is always evolving. We never know where it's going to take us - but I've learned it's not important to have all the answers. What matters most is just being myself. Even in the imperfections of the world, I can still be me - even when I have to do it in male drab. I'm a reserved open book. A story in progress ... and if you want to know anything else - feel free to ask 🙂

Latest posts by Belle (see all)

  1. Kim Cummings 1 year ago

    I have a great idea . I plan on using one way glass on my windows. I will be able to see ot but the people who are outside cannot see in. Using dark tint on car windows could be fun too.

  2. Alas, I seem to have lost the big toenail on my right foot for good. Too much unattended athletes foot in my youth. Which is why I glue on fake toenails. They look OK, but I really miss my mani-pedis. It’s the little things like painted nails that give us a little bliss.


    • Author
      Belle 1 year ago

      @april57 – So sorry to hear about your situation. At least you found an alternative that works – but yeah, I can see how you still miss out on the mani-pedi experience. I haven’t had one done to me yet – but I look forward to that day soon! Be well April 🙂

  3. I especially like what you said about there not being a right way or a wrong way, I agree wholeheartedly with that. There are many who seem to get caught up and hung up when we develop that mind set, that I’m not doing it like she is or she is and how can I. As individuals we develop our wn persona and in doing so create the woman that we choose to unleash. Oh and I love the concept of red “happy feet”, awesome. Great article.

    • Author
      Belle 1 year ago

      @nikkolle1 Yay for happy feet!! I appreciate the “no right way or wrong way” comment you made. It’s totally true though because we get stuck in so many labels and twuisms – that we think there’s only one way to do things. It’s totally not that way and in fact, it’s almost better to have our own paths because we learn so much more and be better because of our differences. Thanks for the great comment and reminder for us all to be unique!!

  4. Janine 1 year ago

    I’ve been going to a nail salon for pedicures for a long time but yesterday while I was sitting there the person giving me the pedicure asked me if I wanted her to put clear on my toes.
    I thought
    Why not and told her yes please do.
    She didn’t hesitate and put a nice clear coat of polish on my toes and then a pair of flip flops so that I could walk to the counter that has floor fans so that they could dry.
    What a enjoyable experience it was and now I’m going to have my toes painted every time I go for a pedicure

    • Author
      Belle 1 year ago

      @Janine That’s amazing! I’m going to that next time too! Not sure I’m as brave as you to wear flip flops – but that’s a brilliant idea to ensure that they dry. Thanks!

    • Bronwyn 1 year ago

      Every time i go past my local nail salon, the girls try to drag me in when they notice my nails. And yes i put a clear on my toenails too. and on my fingernails……not brave enough to wear colour there. Just a thought….bronwyn

  5. Nikki 1 year ago

    This is a wonderful article. I don’t choose to be 24/7 CHD partly because I can’t and it would rise complications. This is fine with me. I am not looking to make any gender statement I just want to be happy. So i am glad I can wear anything and no longer feel bad about it.

    • Author
      Belle 1 year ago

      Thank you @Nikki! The great thing is that there’s no right or wrong way – just the right way that works best for you. I will say that I don’t dress to make a gender statement – because I’m just dressing for me. Whatever that encompasses is where I feel like I want to me. I consider myself incredibly fortunate and lucky as most girls here have a really tough time being able to bring themselves out. I’m very happy that you’re able to wear anything you want without feeling bad! It’s a great feeling isn’t it?!?

      • Nikki 1 year ago

        I use to be so bad when i was young. I started early around 13 or 14. By sneaking and wearing feminine cloths. I felt weird and horrified but it felt good at the time. But fought to stop it and i did for a while. these past several years i have learned to embrace and i know i am not weird or abnormal i am just me and happy about it. No one knows i do this but for me i dont do it for others to know. I do it for me and i am very content to wear any little piece of feminine cloths i can. Its is a great feeling!!!!

  6. Dani 1 year ago

    my toes are always done, light pink in summers and reds to purples in winter. While wearing sandals in summer with the pink I have never had a comment. My legs have no hair, lasered off, again, never had a comment. My fingers are always done in a natural colour. My wife although not supportive is becoming more accepting.

    • Author
      Belle 1 year ago

      That’s awesome @Dani! I’m glad that you’re able to step out and into the open while having some acceptance. It makes a huge difference I’m happy for you! I look forward to keeping my toes and fingers done as often as I’m able. I’m also going the hairless route over time – so I’m glad to hear of your experience and glad things have gone well there.

  7. Christy Hunter 1 year ago

    What a fantastic article. I love looking at my painted red toes and I can really relate to this article. Thank you so much Blue Belle.


    • Author
      Belle 1 year ago

      Aw! Thank you so much!! I can totally relate to loving to look at our painted beauties (as my red fingers dance across the keyboard …) Yay! 🙂

  8. Jennifer Michelle 1 year ago

    I just recently started getting my nails done at a salon it’s pretty awesome but I always seemto feel out of place there as a male but my toes are red right now and I like it a lot. I wish it was acceptable for guys in general as well as girls cause even in guy mode it’s awesome 🙂

    • Author
      Belle 1 year ago

      @Jennifer – I can’t wait to do a salon some time! My partner states that guys go in there all the time for mani-pedi treatments, but you’re right – I wish it was more acceptable for guys to go in and come out with your red toes! Alas, social change just seems stuck sometimes.

  9. Astrid 1 year ago

    Hello, If only i had the courage to do something nice. A bit here a bit since,that’s all.
    You’r all so incredibly nice,but i believe my self-esteem is not good.

    Sorry,i do not speak english good.
    Be hugged.

    • Author
      Belle 1 year ago

      @Astrid – you’re absolutely fine hon. Just give it the time it needs to. All things happen when they’re supposed to – and that’s how it works.

    • Astrid 1 year ago

      Hello dear Blue Bell ,
      Love thanks for the kind words. It makes a bit of courages.
      I am married,i know the real problem i myself. Astrid

  10. Kim Cummings 1 year ago

    “You can’t always get what you want, you can’t always get what you want, but if you try real hard, you just might get what you need “Mick Jagger of the Rolling Stones.”

  11. debbie 1 year ago

    I love my happy feet. Keep my toenails painted especially in the summer and feels so girlie. Finger nails are also in clear polish but use all kinds of colors when out from summer plum to flaming red. Everyone notices beautiful nails now

    • Author
      Belle 1 year ago

      @debbie I’m really looking forward to keeping my happy feet happy from this point forward. I have some clear polish that I’m looking forward to trying. The feet are bouncing happy!! 🙂

  12. Georgette Marie 1 year ago

    When I paint my toe nails I can’t describe the feeling anymore than total femininity! Nothing makes me feel more like a woman than seeing my shiny nails. I love red and pink! One day I’d !I’ve to show the world.

    • Author
      Belle 1 year ago

      @georgettemarie Exactly!! I do hope that I can muster the courage to show the world too – but for now, I’m happy with just admiring my own nails whenever however I can 🙂

      • skippy1965(Cynthia) 1 year ago

        When I went to the SCC CD/TG conference last September,I got a mani pedi-deep red polish on hands and toes. The toes I left on til it started to chip three plus weeks later. The fingernails stayed red all week of the conference and the I kep it on for the two day drive home even though I was in male mode. They just looked too
        Pretty to take it off til I HAD to for work after I got home . Not sure who did or didn’t notice besides me but I didn’t care and no one said anything to me!


  13. Kim Cummings 1 year ago

    Well, improvement in the world of cross dressing is a very erotic theme. I’m sure that some paint ones toenails, but not their fingernails. I shave my legs. I enjoy the smooth feel of hair free silky smooth legs. I can’t pass for a female as I’m too tall. I am a narcissistic person who is kind of closeted.

    • Author
      Belle 1 year ago

      @Kim I would have to agree with you. That’s the amazing part is that we’re all just a little different so while some can glam up entirely (leaving the rest of us in envy) some can just do toes or legs. I’m looking forward to enjoying my own hair free silky smooth legs in the near future! You’ve given me something to look forward to!

  14. Jenny 1 year ago

    I love the article, it is so true, many paths we all have taken but seems that we all share quit a few of the same desires and wants.
    No Needs! Some do what they do for fun some to let the real person out I think. Others like myself do it and not sure why. But I know I enjoy the feeling of being dressed even if it’s just in doors and in private. As far as paint ed toes go so love blue and red, the few times I did paint them I was spellbound and couldn’t look away at something so simple yet so gorgeous has painted toenails.

    • Author
      Belle 1 year ago

      @Jenny – isn’t is amazing how something as simply as painted toenails can send us into orbit?! That’s why I wrote what I did because I still sit back and marvel at what I had done! Regardless of where you dress – it’s reaching your inner you – which is an amazing thing to do!!

  15. Delbra Dawn cordry 1 year ago

    i love my red toe nails and finger nails also. my daughter says i wear hooker red but i like red. and she loves me regardless of who i am . love and kisses DDC

    • Author
      Belle 1 year ago

      @delbert I love red too! And being bold doesn’t mean we wear the stereotypes either. If someone wants to cast their stereotype at our pretty red nails – well, we can’t do anything about that for them. I’m still going to wear it – even if it makes a statement onto others. Hugs n loves!

  16. Bronwyn 1 year ago

    Like all the posts here i too love my red painted toenails. But being a closet cd i wear covered shoes when going public. When i paint my toenails red i, like the other ladies here feel at my most feminine. My nails on my hands are long and beautiful but for obvious reasons they are just covered with a clear polish, which look lovely and i don’t mind if others notice that. Bronwyn

    • Author
      Belle 1 year ago

      @Brownwyn I completely agree! Red – for some reason really makes me feel even more feminine than I anticipated. I just done my fingernails and the last couple of days were wonderful! (I didn’t have to go out and explain why I had red fingernails but when I did – it was an awesome acceptance of feeling for me internally that I could do this.)

  17. Sarah Daniels (SC) 1 year ago

    I discovered the joy of painted toes a few months back. While helping my wife with hers she joked and said I should do mine and now I do all the time. I even wander around home barefoot where visitors see them. I joke about them but really for me there is an inner joy in doing something so feminine and pretty and getting away with it. Id never show anyone I work with though – hell I’m not nuts – but for now I can be Sarah all the time even in a little bit. Oh and the felling of silky material on shaved legs is fantastic!!

    • Author
      Belle 1 year ago

      @Sarah I completely agree about the inner joy of doing something some femme and able to just be myself! It was an amazing feeling! I can’t wait to have hair free legs to feel that silky material just draped over them … OMG!!! 🙂

    • susieque 1 year ago

      Yes, Sarah, silkie material flowing around freshly shaved legs covered in nylon with painted toe nails is a real rush!! I have been to several nail salons in our small Arkansas town and getting a professional mani/pedi is far better than doing it yourself. I usually get a light pink color on my nails. I also wear pantyhose or thigh-hi’s every day, even under shorts when I am out in the town. I have not had a negative comment although guys avoid me like I have a bad desease. women tend to just smile or even wink. my advice is to go for it as long as your wife / girlfriend dosent have any issues with painted nails or nylons on you.

  18. skippy1965(Cynthia) 1 year ago

    Very nice Blue Belle-I like the painted toes, the whiff of perfume and the frisson of the silky material against freshly shaved legs!

  19. Jamie2 1 year ago

    I miss Cdheaven can I rejoin the site I miss the sweet ladies

  20. Samantha G..... 1 year ago

    Welcome Blue Belle
    Painted toes, I call it happy feet.
    I love having happy feet, who doesn’t 🙂

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