Last time, I shared the experience of taking my dog out while dressed. It was frightening and exhilarating all at once. After that, I found the idea of being outside as Rachel, even if only briefly, was not as scary anymore. I wasn’t ready to go downtown or anything yet, but something inside me said I wanted to take it to the next step.
Circumstances gave me a day off, home alone, on the same day the garbage and recycling collectors would be coming around. A mad boldness seized me, and I quickly changing into my body shaper, bra, black legging, and a hot pink top. Donning makeup and my blond wig, I went downstairs, and poured myself a cup of coffee. Putting on my sunglasses, I went out onto the back porch. I sat down, crossed my legs, and waited.
My heart was beating faster with every moment. I knew where I was — the sanitary workers could not help, but see me. I kept thinking about what these men’s reactions to me would be. Would they realize I was actually a man? What would they do? I started thinking it was a bad idea, and considered going back inside. Then I heard it; the garbage truck was coming down the alley. It was time to make a choice — do I stay and be seen, or do I play it safe and rush inside?
I made my choice. Maybe I was not ready to announce this side of myself to the world, but no one was going to chase me off my own deck. I sat, sipping my coffee, and enjoying the warm morning sunshine as the truck drew closer. After what seemed like an hour, the truck pulled up behind my house. The men got out to grab the garbage. I held my breath as one glanced up at me. He looked at me momentarily . . . then nodded politely, grabbed the garbage, and tossed it into the back of the truck. The truck and men soon drove off. No one gave any sign that he thought I was anything other than a woman enjoying her morning coffee outside.
I sat there with my mind reeling at what had just happened before going inside. That man had give me only a brief glance. Yet, his lack of a reaction was thrilling; I could not have felt better. I still have a ways to go to be passable, but this was a big step for me.
Good for you Rachel, baby steps hon, each one adds up to great things . One foot in front of the other. good luck to you on your journey and safe travels . hugs, Maddie
Thank you Rachel for sharing your experience and anxiety in announcing your alter ego to the public .
Way to go Rachel !
Hi Rachel, a great story, Thanks so much for sharing. I really enjoyed reading it.
Don’t you just love those “mad boldness" moments? Another step along the path in your journey.
Way to Go!!!!
Looking forward to your next story.
Hugs, Krista
Do you have a story 2 share Krista?
Rachel – Perfect description of the small steps needed to eventually venture out into the world. We all need to go at our own pace and just take little risks every now and then to expand our comfort zone. I have found out that it’s not so much being “passable" that eventually gives us confidence to go out into the world (because let’s face it – few of us are actually passable upon close inspection), but rather a confidence and a joy that comes from knowing who and what we are and taking pleasure in it. It also gives me… Read more »
Hi April,
You are right its that confidence that helps. The last time I was out I was walking along the street and I spotted A few gentleman Coming towards me. I was nervous but determined. One gentleman bumped in to me as we past each other on the side walk and he said oh excuse me I am sorry. I answered that’s ok and we all just kept on going to our dentations. yes that confidence really helps. takes awhile but it does come.
Very well said…Thank you April.
Hi Rachel,
So very proud of you for taking that step. You will gain confidence and accept your self for who you really are also.
Amanda
I hope you continue having these good moments, enjoy them all.
Xoxox
Katie
Every baby step is a giant leap! If you ever get a chance , sign up for one of the CD/TGconferences. Spending a week en femme is an amazing experience and will do wonders for your confidence!
Cyn
I hope to do that with my gurlfriend soon!
I loved your article. It gave me a peaceful feeling. Love and hugs. And thank you for sharing.
I did it too, I went out in broad daylight. I drove in my car completely dressed in tight leggings, bra top, red t-shirt, a wig, jewellery and black heels. I didn’t get caught people saw me and they didn’t realise. When i realised i started to feel amazing and so sexy. I then drove to a park and walked around. I walked past a couple and they greeted me. Wow what a feeling. To be honest i got pretty turned on and i liked it. go to my profile pic to see what i wore.