Last time, I shared the experience of taking my dog out while dressed.  It was frightening and exhilarating all at once.   After that, I found the idea of being outside as Rachel, even if only briefly, was not as scary anymore.  I wasn’t ready to go downtown or anything yet, but something inside me said I wanted to take it to the next step.

Circumstances gave me a day off, home alone, on the same day the garbage and recycling collectors would be coming around.  A mad boldness seized me, and I quickly changing into my body shaper, bra, black legging, and a hot pink top.  Donning makeup and my blond wig, I went downstairs, and poured myself a cup of coffee.  Putting on my sunglasses, I went out onto the back porch. I sat down, crossed my legs, and waited.

My heart was beating faster with every moment.  I knew where I was — the sanitary workers could not help, but see me.   I kept thinking about what these men’s reactions to me would be.  Would they realize I was actually a man? What would they do?  I started thinking it was a bad idea, and considered going back inside. Then I heard it; the garbage truck was coming down the alley.  It was time to make a choice — do I stay and be seen, or do I play it safe and rush inside?

I made my choice.  Maybe I was not ready to announce this side of myself to the world, but no one was going to chase me off my own deck.  I sat, sipping my coffee, and enjoying the warm morning sunshine as the truck drew closer. After what seemed like an hour, the truck pulled up behind my house.  The men got out to grab the garbage.  I held my breath as one glanced up at me.  He looked at me momentarily . . . then nodded politely, grabbed the garbage, and tossed it into the back of the truck.  The truck and men soon drove off.  No one gave any sign that he thought I was anything other than a woman enjoying her morning coffee outside.

I sat there with my mind reeling at what had just happened before going inside.  That man had give me only a brief glance.  Yet, his lack of a reaction was thrilling; I could not have felt better.  I still have a ways to go to be passable, but this was a big step for me.

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3 years ago

Good for you Rachel. These little moments will long be remembered and yet so satisfying. Few people outside our group here would really understand what we are thinking and experiencing but we know sis. congrats

Wanda Shirkey
Wanda Shirkey (@wandas)
3 years ago

Rachel, Thank you for sharing. That is very bold of you. I came out to my wife that I am trans. I have started seeing a therapist. I go to the therapist dressed the way I feel comfortable. I don’t care who is in the waiting room with me. This is who I am am and I can’t help who I am and I am not hiding it anymore.



Willa Patryn
3 years ago

Good for me to see and read this morning, that others experience the same feelings as I do. I have need to come out of my self imposed 61 year imprisonment in the male persona. I have need to go to the store, but don’t want to change into drab, and was just thinking of doing it as dressed now. Thanks for sharing!

DAWN 459
3 years ago

Great story Stephanie : My first
Trip out was in my backyard
Fullydressed withbwig&makeup for a picture session that lesliemary
&I done after shopping in
Drab mode with bra&panties
At a local thrift store.

Gracie Garcia
3 years ago

A wonderful article and one that I can relate too. I started by driving out in public. The first time I had to stop to put gas was so scary. I imagined police cars coming at me from all sides, traffic pulling off the freeway to point their fingers. In reality I walked out pumped gas paid at the pump and climbed back in my car with my heart pumping out of my chest. Since I have gone walking, shopping and dating as Gracie and never yet encountered any bad incidents.

Johnnie (@bodycon-1)
3 years ago
Reply to  Gracie Garcia

Gracie, honey you are so brave taking your first step. I can so so relate to your fear and imagining the worst. The reality is unless you are dressed so sexy that you are drawing attention to yourself or behaving strange most people don’t notice you. They really don’t care. June 3rd I have a ticket to go to the opera. The Opera is about a transgender woman. I will be attending as Lisbeth.

3 years ago

Hi Rachel
Great story.
It must have been so invigorating for you to sit there outside knowing that the men who picked up the garbage would have to notice you.
I’m sure that you had mixed emotions about what they were going to think when they saw you
Congratulations on taking the first step of coming out
Every journey begins with the first step.
Next time will be easier but just as a satisfying
Soon you will get the confidence to go further in your journey to be seen as a female.
Good luck with your coming out

Emma Sweet
3 years ago

Good for you, Rachel! I’ve also started going out a bit. About a week ago I went to dinner with TG friends at a restaurant in Portland, OR. I was apprehensive at first but, like you, threw caution to the wind, and was glad I did. My voice obviously tipped all off, but so did everyone’s in our group, and the waitstaff could not have been more accommodating. Later this week I’m going to be riding my motorcycle into Seattle for a meeting with a gender therapist, and later, for another meeting. I decided that I’m going to wear a… Read more »

susieque (@susieque)
3 years ago

Congratulations, Rachel!! My wife and I moved into a new neighborhood in our town 3 years ago and I decided that I will do things in SusieQue mode as often as I can. I mow our yard and the common area across the street in shorts and a camisole, I love the spaghetti strap tan lines. I have also walked the 2 blocks to the neighborhood mail box pedistall in a dress and hose, but then, I wear pantyhose every day anywhere in our town. In the past 3 years, I have had only one somewhat negative comment about my… Read more »

3 years ago

Interesting experience…I have always wanted to be seen in public but at the same time, terrified. I have dressed and gone out on my sidewalk LATE AT NIGHT, went out on my back porch also late at night…and so very briefly, stepped out on my front porch dressed during the evening thrilled and terrified at the same instant…wanting to be seen and accepted…but dreading being “outed” if “caught” by someone who knows me (sighs). I have also dressed, made up, and gone to a S&M Niteclub…tho that was accepted there…still thrilled by that experience!

Dame Veronica Graunwolf
Active Member
3 years ago

Rachel. The journey of a thousand miles has just begun with that first step. Congratulations….my heart sings for you. The thrill of seeing one of my babies take that first step is always thrilling. May the sun be always on your face and the wind be at your back! Lady Veronica

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