Crossdress with confidence

The other part of the Confidence Trick is that confidence isn’t a ‘real’ thing. It’s the absence of something else, fear. Some might say that each one of the events I have described in this series has ‘built up my confidence.’ I prefer to think of it as practising facing my fears. Each event is an opportunity to identify, face, and push through fear. And the more you face your fears the easier each new situation becomes. And not just your crossdressing fears but all of them.

Imagine you have a vessel inside of you, call it a cup, a bucket, whatever. Now imagine that your fears are liquid. Each fear fills the cup a little. Some more than others. What happens when you cup is so full it overflows? Now you are filling with fear, drowning from the inside and not able to think clearly about anything. While you are in this state you can’t make good decisions and you can’t think about any solutions to your problems. When life is uncertain it causes more fear and now you
are completely filled and ruled by fear.

At this point give yourself whatever break you can. Make your life as easy as possible and conquer any fears you can. Start with the small and work your way up. Not just with dressing up, probably best to not start there. I found as I worked through my depression that these small wins will eventually add up to major breakthroughs. After what I had been through, and I realise that a lot of people have it worse than me, it took two and a half years to reduce my fear volume to one that fits in my ‘cup’.

Transgender Heaven - Gender Journey

Admittedly I realise I’m extremely lucky. I have not had one bad experience while dressed as Natalie. It has to do with the area I live in. I’m in an area surrounded by hippies, artists, musicians and all sorts of bohemian types. It also to do with the people in my life.

As I started to pull up out of my depression I realised I had to let some people go. I didn’t kick them out of my life, I just stopped putting in as much effort as I used to. A lot of people I thought I was close too just disappeared.

Now I have just a handful of friends and family, but they are all quality relationships. And all of these people can see and have remarked to me that I seem happier and more at peace as Natalie. My wife loves me being Natalie because she stood by me and watched me spiral into depression. She is so happy to see me happy, unafraid and peaceful she doesn’t care why.

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  1. Tiffany Anne 3 years ago

    What a great article Natalie (as are all of yours!).

    You are so right that confidence is the lack of fear, and I really like the analogy of the “cup of liquid fear” inside us. Don’t let that cup get full of fear as it becomes paralyzing.

    Your advice of working on your fears, easiest ones first (that don’t really need to be CD/TG related either) is fantastic.

    I know many of our sisters here will get a lot out of this advice.

    Thank you so much for sharing!

  2. Natalie,
    Love the article! and totally agree with you about facing and overcoming our feas!

  3. Rosaliy Lynne 3 years ago

    Each success, as you have noted, reduces the fear in your cup. Confidence fills the space once consumed by fear and YOU are happier and better for it. Eventually, the cup, which was always full, will be full of confidence and success. The fear will have been drained off and discarded.

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