The changes I made to my life would work only for me. You cannot “copy” a list from someone and expect it to work for you. Each person has to find their changes on their own. This doesn’t mean you can’t ask for help, you will only get through it with the help of others, but you need to be the driving force behind your own life or it just won’t work.
The only one that will be common to everyone is the first and hardest step.
You will have to let people go. It’s the hardest. And I’m not even talking about crossdressing yet. I just mean for your own mental wellbeing. If there are people I your life that bring nothing but pain and drama they have to go, no matter who they are.
These people usually have things in common they’re always angry and only call when they want something, or to drag you into their own dramas. And control you by undermining your confidence, playing on your fears. There are others, I’ve read, but these are the most common.
The physical part of letting these people go is easy, just stop putting effort. If you have a friend that fits the above description stop calling them for a month or two. For all of the negative people, I let go they put no effort into the relationship. I would be the one to call, I would visit them, but them not me, I organised activities for us to do. If you stop putting in the effort I would put money on them not calling to find out if you’re OK.
The hard part is coming to terms with the loss. It’s a type of grieving and it will last for as long as it takes to find your happy. I haven’t seen my mother or brothers for 5 years. And when I think of them I still miss them. I guarantee that if these people were still in my life Natalie would not exist. And its only now, in this calm happy place that I realise that if I were to change any of the events of my life I probably wouldn’t be where I am today, and I’m quite happy here.
And this leads us to the topic of Emotional Math. This is the kind of decision that looks good on paper, but is almost impossible to do. Much like the concept of sacrificing a cute little girl to save the lives of a hundred people. On paper that’s easy, it’s a hard decision but obviously one life for a hundred is the logical choice. Until you’re the one that has to do the sacrificing. And lives are not really at state the way they are in that example.
You have to do the math. In my case it became obvious that if I was ever to be happy I had to let some people go. Once I made this decision it didn’t matter how long I’d know you or what our relation was. If it was a poisonous or co-dependent relationship it had to go.
Over a period of time, it was like makmg a list and check them of. Who stays, who goes. I made this decision about many people. Some were recent friendships, some were lifelong friendships, and some family members.
Once I realised that some people brought nothing but pain and drama to my life, so I let them slip away. And at this point I can see that while I still miss some of them my life is a lot happier without them.
If you let the negative events in your life gang up on you then you will be ruled by imsecurity, second guessing, and fear. You cannot be confident in any aspect of your life if you are ruled by these things.
The more time I spend as Natalie the less afraid I become. But this is just the icing on the cake. Even before I rediscovered Natalie my life had become a lot more peaceful and a lot less fearful. In fact I had to do this before Natalie would come out of hiding. She was afraid, and the fear had to go away before she would come out.
When the fear melts away I’m relaxed, graceful I hold my head high. I’m friendlier and really enjoy interacting with the world around me. I am really enjoying being Natalie.
More Articles by The Author
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- My Lovely Hair
- Anna Secret Poet – A Year in Review
- Out of the mouths of babes and angels
- My oscillations as Abby over time