I’m sharing here an essay I wrote in response to a note a I received recently from a pre-op transsexual that included, among other things, the following sentence fragment: “…but you are just a crossdresser; you can’t possibly understand what I am feeling about that.”
Obviously, it was the “just a” in that sentence that got to me. I thought we had gotten past all that class warfare on the trans-spectrum.
Here’s my response in the form of an essay.
There are those among us who can choose to be women, but do so only whenever it is convenient and whenever they feel like it.
So I say to the dismissive transsexual: often those “just crossdressers” can be quite wonderful and happy as occasional women, even if only for themselves. Often, while choosing to be women, they can look as good as and move with as much grace as any women, transsexual or cis-born. And dress as well. And unselfconsciously feel things with the same woman’s natural sensibilities.
Often, they are long passed the time when their sexuality was centered on their clothes, and instead the pleasure is just in being a woman in the world … but doing so only occasionally. Some of the lucky ones even find themselves in comfortable, even passionate, even if intermittent, relationships as a woman … and with a man or a woman, as they choose.
I admire transsexuals, the ultimate existential heroines, women of courage choosing to live their lives as they were meant to, being their ‘true selves’ no matter what tricks nature and fate have tried to play on them. But, for some few, their own struggles have made them too dismissive of others on our wonderfully varied transgender spectrum. Ironically, for some, it is their own lack of free will, lack of choice, that they claim as the justification for their attitude.
Here, I champion the committed crossdresser, the sporadic casual crossdresser, the underdresser, the successful passer, the never-leave-their-rooms, those just starting, those who have stopped being personally active, even those whose interest in women’s clothes never progresses beyond a fetishistism. I champion them all, I argue for their fully legitimate, fully equal places in our community.
I’m saddened by the last vestiges of class warfare in our community, especially from those who claim political correctness, but can’t suppress their lingering perceptions of the crossdresser as being, somehow, of a lower order of being than themselves.
As the politicians say, let me make myself clear: I find that most transsexuals nowadays are past all that, are fully respectful of us all. But, for those that still succumb to it, this touchy defensiveness and unworthy disdain exposes a nerve of protest-too-much self-doubt that is embarrassing in its obviousness.
Get over it girls. We’re not better nor worse than you. We’re just different. Let us be. Celebrate us, as we celebrate you.
We are free. And our courage is in recognizing and acting on our freedom … whenever it is convenient and exactly when and only when we choose to.
Discussion Questions: Scarlett, my wonderful editor at CDH (see her photo with mine at the top of this essay: she’s the much younger and prettier girl!), predicted that this essay would draw a lot of attention and suggested that I tack on at the end of the essay some relevant questions for the CDH community in order to facilitate discussion.
These questions assume that you are a crossdresser, that you (at this time at least) don’t plan on transitioning, that you are not living fulltime as a woman.
When you dress as a woman, whether in reality or even just ”in your dreams,” is it more than “just dressing?” Is it just the clothes, or is it the desire to BE a woman in the world, however intermittently?
I have never met a crossdresser who doesn’t wish that she had more opportunity to crossdress, that she could do it more often, that she could be successful presenting herself as a woman in public: given that is true: what exactly is it, in your opinion, that distinguishes a crossdresser from a pre-op transsexual? (In your response, go beyond the prima facie “crossdressers don’t want to transition”: talk deeper about the psychological and emotional differences.)
When you get your total girl on as a crossdresser, do you feel like a girl or do you feel like you need the hormone treatments and sexual reassignment surgeries to have that total feeling as a girl?
Please feel free to send in a response to my article or an answer to one or more of the questions posed to you above.
More Articles by Cheryl Ann (Cassie) Sanders
- Thinking “Softer” about Men …and Love
- The Vicarious Woman: Part 3: Biographies, Autobiographies, and Memoirs
- The Vicarious Woman: Part 2: Transitioning Youtubers
- The Vicarious Woman: Part 1: Crossdressing YouTubers
- Tell Your Girlfriend, But Don’t Tell Your Wife
Latest posts by Cheryl Ann (Cassie) Sanders (see all)
- Thinking “Softer” about Men …and Love - May 30, 2021
- The Vicarious Woman: Part 3: Biographies, Autobiographies, and Memoirs - January 29, 2021
- The Vicarious Woman: Part 2: Transitioning Youtubers - December 19, 2020
- The Vicarious Woman: Part 1: Crossdressing YouTubers - November 21, 2020
- The Convenient Women: A Response to a Dismissive Transsexual - October 13, 2020