How surprising it was to find myself in a very new and challenging situation, married to a cross dresser. So what happens when one finds a person with whom one feels a special bond, only to have one’s whole world goes topsy-turvy with a new piece of information? After having a long period of hurtful relationships, my experiences with men were confusing and I had to come mistrust them.

Now so many people ask me, “How do you do it, isn’t it hard?”
The answer is yes.

Initially it was hard to deal with a crossdressing partner. How would it reflect on me with my friends and family? How would I introduce him/her to my friends when we were out with him wearing a skirt? First and foremost I care deeply for this person with or without the skirt. Without this, the dedication, sensitivity and compassion would be impossible. Crossing doesn’t have to be an issue, if other issues are dealt with openly and honestly. Of course crossdressing can be a hotspot, a target or even an excuse to pick on. Being married to a cross-dresser is a challenge for most wives. Partly because they don’t find out about their husband being a cross-dresser, until years into their marriage and are shocked when they do find out.

Cross-dressing is more than the clothes as they have a strong femme identity that wants to be “woman-like”, at least part of the time. A wife needs to accept this in her husband which changes the rules of their marriage and they need to be redefined. It’s a complicated situation for both parties with a cross-dressing husband looking for support from her wife who now has to learn to live with “another woman” in their marriage. The anger builds, yet many couples stay together. Many cross-dressing husbands are still repressed and feel lonely in their marriages even after they reveal themselves. This is a primary issue in the cross-dressing community that doesn’t have a simple answer. It all depends on how strong the marriage was in the first place and if their new life together can be mutually accepted.

Frankly I have come to enjoy her for honoring the feminine person within. It is my ultimate expression of respect and acceptance. In addition it is also a load of fun. I have another “girlfriend”. We shop together, travel together, discuss fashion, go to lunch and have developed a very unique relationship. That is always there even when the skirt comes off. In fact, I have also found a deeper level of acceptance of myself, as I acknowledge my own courage to go beyond what I thought that I could do. Thus as the journey goes on, individually and as a couple becoming educators and transgender counselors, we now counsel other crossdressers and their family to achieve a sense of normalcy in times of stress and confusion.

With the publication of our book, “Tenuous Ties”, available from, it has increased my own commitment to the importance of this process to further the role of transgenderism/crossdressing in the public eye. I am honored to share my story, my struggles, my concerns and ultimately my joy.

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  1. Stephanie 3 years ago

    I guess I am truly one of the lucky ones. Before my wife and I wed, she was working late one night, and I was folding our laundry. I came across one of her dresses, and thought, what the heck, and tried it on. It fit, but not well. The next morning I confessed my curiosity, and she simply said, “I wanna see.” At first I said no, but then after a day or two, I surprised her when she came home from work. She loved it! She ran to her closet, and started pulling out skirts and dresses and heels and boots. We played for hours.
    Eventually we moved onto makeup, false boobs, and wigs, and now it’s a regular occurence. She loves it when I sleep in the nighties she bought me, and we have purchased many dresses for playtime. She has a cosmetology background, and loves making me her girlfriend. She calls me her “personal barbie doll.”
    So, yes, I am one of the truly lucky ones!

  2. Lorrie Kaye 3 years ago

    I am happy for all of you who have had the pleasure of an understanding partner. I lost a marriage and a child over being found out as a CDer. I am very fortunate to be in a wonderful marriage now, but she can never know about Lorrie. I can’t go through that again! That is why this group is important to me. Love and Hugs, Lorrie

    • Leah 3 years ago

      I am very sorry to hear your loss and fear Lorrie, its such a common story for hetero male crossdresser’s. I have been attracted to males who crossdress from a very early age (I use to dress my younger brother’s friends in my dresses) but I have only recently realised my orientation and have started reading forums and stories. It’s so sad society dictates what a male or female must be in order to be “normal”… there are so many people who don’t fit those restrictive molds. I hope that one day, as more people come out of the closet and more exposure is given to crossdressing, that you will find your partner has the courage to support you being yourself and you find happiness.

      • Angela 3 years ago

        Hi Lorrie,
        Trust me girl you will get more femme clothes. I think most of us has purged at some point, but the inner girl in you at some point will demand you get dressed again. Happens to all of us usually more than once. The older you get the stronger the desire is.
        I wish the you the best of luck no matter what you do!
        Hugs and kisses, Angela

    • Angela 3 years ago

      Lorrie you WILL get caught. It’s only a matter of time. I have been married for 16 years and finally got caught recently. She was not happy about it but we are working through it. I thought I took all precautions to not get caught but it happened. Br prepared. Hugs and kisses, Angela

      • Lorrie Kaye 3 years ago

        I appreciate the sentiment, Angela. The “good” news (not really good news) is that I do not own any femme stuff. I purged all my clothes, shoes, makeup and my accessories when I met my current wife. At my age, I don’t think I will get that invested in stuff again. I’ll have to live out my femme life here and online.

    • Kevin 3 years ago

      I’m a closet crossdresser. Married and my wife doesn’t approve of my dressing. Looking for understanding female to meet and talk

  3. jennifer 3 years ago

    im very lucky now been maried for 18 years and she knew of my cross dressing and 8 years ago she didnt take it very well so i stoped and she got rid of my dress and wig . just about 2 monts ago we were otr riding around in the car and i stopped in a parking lot and told her i have been very upset . she said shes been seeing it and asked me how to fix it so i came out and said i miss dressing up as a woman and she said if thats what it takes for us to be happy then lets go to the store and see what they have .she said that life is to short and if i enjoy it and will share with her the excitement then it will be ok and she said hers your new life dressing up and she will enjoy and help me in any way posible . now i have dresses and outfits i where when i get home from work makeup we share and shop for together and i do my nails very often .she said i needed to get some boobs so we ordered them and she said you better wear them often well thats enough from me hehehehe love you girls

  4. Jackieruss 3 years ago

    I ve been married 3times and 2nd and 3rd knows my thing for lingerie. Both likes it or don’t mind if I dress up an have fun in it. So I have the house to myself, I’m gonna get all dressed up and go do my Aaron’s in it under male clothes. I’m so turned on i may not make it out till I releave myself. I love wearing it . Only in know it’s on . Nice feeling. I don’t wear make up ,wigs or shoes. Just lingerie. So I’ll go do my things all dressed up and come back and releave my self. Mmm feels good .

  5. Joleen 3 years ago

    I am waiting for the day that I finally come out, but there is a lot I have to learn about cross dressing,I hope I can find a girl who would help me to dress as a female

  6. Joleen 3 years ago

    I would like to find a woman who would teach me how to cross dress as a female

  7. Adam Currier 2 years ago

    I recently discovered that I am into crossdessing. My wife is being supportive of my journey and even helping me in some places. But I am not sure how far it will go. I can say it has moved beyond a sexual fetish for me to wear panties and female-style pajama pants. However, we have to keep it discreet because we have two elementary age children. I want to explore more of the feminine side of me, as I can feel it pulling and wanting to come out, but it scares me and she is not sure how she feels about it and I don’t want to push it or her to far too fast…. I am not sure what to do here….

  8. donna misteriosa 2 years ago

    I know my wife would NEVER accept my need to dress. My wife, like some woman, have insecurities, introducing the other woman into a relationship will only add to her fears. My wife believes that she should be my sole source of all things woman, from all my sexual needs, to being a desirable sexy wife-she dresses to be true to herself first and then for me. Our 30-yr relationship is not perfect, however, IMO, she does not deserve this added pressure. I have always put the needs of others before mind, my dressing will have to take a back seat and remain my secret.

  9. Christafaye Turner 2 years ago

    Well im a crossdresser that has a wife that was excepting it till i become gay and now its a thing of the past and im not aloud to do anything of it even a gay guy friend if i do ill lose my kids

  10. Tsbella Swallows 2 years ago

    My wife and family know she happy for me and is encouraging me about breast implants she knows I’m bisexual she is bicourious her self she ok with me and other men and women she joins in with others occasionally my best friend found out I dress my wife is encouraging me to go for it cause every time I’m wearing a mini skirt or dress he grabs my ass and sets across from me my wife says he’s looking up my skirt and to flash my thong or ass and sees what happens my other friends are fine with it and go out in public. My mother in law doesn’t know yet my wifes brother and sister know there both bi and taught me something’s. Coming out has been the happiest times of my life I get to be me!! And love life!!!!!

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