How surprising it was to find myself in a very new and challenging situation, married to a cross dresser. So what happens when one finds a person with whom one feels a special bond, only to have one’s whole world goes topsy-turvy with a new piece of information? After having a long period of hurtful relationships, my experiences with men were confusing and I had to come mistrust them.
Now so many people ask me, “How do you do it, isn’t it hard?”
The answer is yes.
Initially it was hard to deal with a crossdressing partner. How would it reflect on me with my friends and family? How would I introduce him/her to my friends when we were out with him wearing a skirt? First and foremost I care deeply for this person with or without the skirt. Without this, the dedication, sensitivity and compassion would be impossible. Crossing doesn’t have to be an issue, if other issues are dealt with openly and honestly. Of course crossdressing can be a hotspot, a target or even an excuse to pick on. Being married to a cross-dresser is a challenge for most wives. Partly because they don’t find out about their husband being a cross-dresser, until years into their marriage and are shocked when they do find out.
Cross-dressing is more than the clothes as they have a strong femme identity that wants to be “woman-like”, at least part of the time. A wife needs to accept this in her husband which changes the rules of their marriage and they need to be redefined. It’s a complicated situation for both parties with a cross-dressing husband looking for support from her wife who now has to learn to live with “another woman” in their marriage. The anger builds, yet many couples stay together. Many cross-dressing husbands are still repressed and feel lonely in their marriages even after they reveal themselves. This is a primary issue in the cross-dressing community that doesn’t have a simple answer. It all depends on how strong the marriage was in the first place and if their new life together can be mutually accepted.
Frankly I have come to enjoy her for honoring the feminine person within. It is my ultimate expression of respect and acceptance. In addition it is also a load of fun. I have another “girlfriend”. We shop together, travel together, discuss fashion, go to lunch and have developed a very unique relationship. That is always there even when the skirt comes off. In fact, I have also found a deeper level of acceptance of myself, as I acknowledge my own courage to go beyond what I thought that I could do. Thus as the journey goes on, individually and as a couple becoming educators and transgender counselors, we now counsel other crossdressers and their family to achieve a sense of normalcy in times of stress and confusion.
With the publication of our book, “Tenuous Ties”, available from Amazon.com, it has increased my own commitment to the importance of this process to further the role of transgenderism/crossdressing in the public eye. I am honored to share my story, my struggles, my concerns and ultimately my joy.