When I was a young kid, way back when, I remember once saying to myself, I don’t want to be a boy or a girl, I want to be right down the middle. Maybe that was an odd statement to make at such a young age, but it was something I knew deep inside. I was aware of how much more feminine I was than the other guys around me. I recently saw a picture of me in grade two or three and giggled.

There I sat in the front row of our class group picture with my knees tightly together, my hands gently folded in my lap, and my posture as straight as an arrow. I looked very much like the girls sitting to either side of me. I was wearing my older sister’s hand-me-down bell bottom jeans and a cute V-neck striped tee-shirt. I loved how I looked then. It was an honest expression of my inner knowing; that I wasn’t like the other boys, I was different. I didn’t want to be like those boys, I wanted to dress pretty and wear cute outfits, not camo gear.

I knew back then that I wanted to express this feminine aspect of my character, but through the years of being told that this was not okay, I adapted to please those who fed and clothed me. My survival depended on it. So, I began to repress the desires to dress cute.

I adapted the way I walked, sat, talked and held a cup. By the age of twelve, I was smoking cigarettes, pot and had lost my virginity. That’s what my guy friends were doing, and I needed to be as manly as I could. But the real me was still there, under the surface, waiting.

After years of repression, it became normal to deny Char’s open expression, but a seed will always grow when the conditions are right.

You see, as the seed of a pine tree quietly waits for the conditions to be just right before it begins to emerge, the feminine in me quietly waited for the right conditions before it broke through the surface.

For decades, Char remained silent, only peeking out now and then to check the conditions; if they were not right, no emergence, back in she would go and try again at some later date. Over the years of my life, Char would pop-up now and then, look around and decide if the conditions were safe enough to “show up”.

The time for my emergence is now! There are those who still have not yet evolved enough to see the beauty, but that does not mean the beauty is not there.

For each of us, the time to emerge is different. You will know when it is safe for you to emerge into a bigger world. Until then, keep your beautiful self safe. Guard her and watch over her. Don’t take her into dangerous situations, and protect her from those who might aim to do her harm.

And, most importantly of all, remind her every single day that just because the conditions may not be quite right for her full emergence yet, it doesn’t mean that she is not beautiful; she is!

The tiny seed does not hate the world and nor does it go about screaming and fighting. It knows of its own beauty deep within, and it knows that when the conditions are just right, it will emerge and become the majestic towering pine others will stare at in awe at its magnificence.

Unlike the tiny seed, we can create many of our own conditions for our own emergence while keeping the seedling of our feminine beauty safe.

This week’s Reset idea; although all the conditions are not perfect yet, do not let what we cannot do stop us from doing the things that we can in creating the right conditions for our emergence into the world.

We can show the world that we are kind, friendly, nonthreatening beings who simply want to give and receive kindness and who show love for all of humanity. Allow the emergence of beautiful you to happen naturally, not forcefully. We are becoming no matter what; it’s just a matter of time!

Thank you for reading Your Weekly Reset and thank you for being exactly who you are!

Namaste’

n huggles

Char

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Dropping out of high school I began touring in the Canadian country music scene at age 17; clubs and soft seat venues, drummer/vocalist for 22 years. After 4 suicide attempts and heavy cocaine etc addiction issues, i decided to learn Self-Acceptance as apposed to self-hatred. I became a student of the Universe and an Instructor of Life Skills at a local College while operating a Private Coaching Practice. Currently, I am rebuilding the Life Coaching practice after a couple years of more personal work well under way. I am also creating online opportunities that will serve our world community…and our world in understanding how I leaned the life skills of Intentionally and Consciously Creating an Amazing Life filled with Passion, Purpose & Prosperity...

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CharPeggy Sue WilliamsChris NicksonAngelaJannie Murry Recent comment authors
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Peggy Sue Williams
Baroness
Active Member

A beautiful story, with so much truth, Char.

I cannot help but wonder though, did I keep Peggy Sue, my female self, hidden for way too long, something which I believe contributed to my years of alcoholism.

Regardless, my female self is out now, and my life has never in all my years felt more whole and more complete!

Side note, I took my last drink in 1991.

Peggy Sue

Amy Myers
Baroness
Active Member

Lovely article, and very true. I too, hid myself for many, many years, and wish now that I had found my way out sooner. Though I am so glad I’m here, and now can enjoy being Amy.
Thanks.

Bettylou Cox
Duchess
Active Member

Char,
I wonder how many of us went through the same as you in our early youth? I know I did. Like you, I wasn’t like the other boys – but I wasn’t a girl, either. Only late in life, long after retirement did the real “me” emerge; but better late than never. Life is beautiful, now.

skippy1965 Cynthia
Ambassador
Trusted Member

Great article as always Char. Reminded me of my “Sometimes She Screams” article https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/sometimes-she-screams-krista-pm-to-cyn-about-title/ (and the “Cynful Metamorphosis” forum post too https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/forums/topic/a-cynful-metamprphosis/ ). We do hide our true selves- too well at times..but eventually if we are fortunate, we cast off the chains that bound us and take to the sky! Keep up the great writing!
Cyn

Jannie Murry
Lady
Member

Char When you mentioned about a seed that grows when conditions are right it made me think about a time in school when I was at the playground and I ripped my Jean’s playing football. There wasn’t any way that I could continue playing because they were ripped from the back to the front in the seam. My only choice was to go home and change them. I lived within walking distance so I walked home holding myself together until I got there The house was locked and my parents were working so I couldn’t get in the house. A… Read more »

Angela
Lady

Char, thank you for the story. It helps to know there are others who waited for the tiny seed to sprout. The girl inside is out now and will grow in the sunlight.
Hugs,
Angela

Chris
Lady
Member

It’s very nice to have a special place like this where we can open up and discuss things with friends, instead of critical, judgmental jerks lol. Like is too short, so girls, let’s stick together and take care of each other!!❤️❤️

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