When I was a young kid, way back when, I remember once saying to myself, I don’t want to be a boy or a girl, I want to be right down the middle. Maybe that was an odd statement to make at such a young age, but it was something I knew deep inside. I was aware of how much more feminine I was than the other guys around me. I recently saw a picture of me in grade two or three and giggled.
There I sat in the front row of our class group picture with my knees tightly together, my hands gently folded in my lap, and my posture as straight as an arrow. I looked very much like the girls sitting to either side of me. I was wearing my older sister’s hand-me-down bell bottom jeans and a cute V-neck striped tee-shirt. I loved how I looked then. It was an honest expression of my inner knowing; that I wasn’t like the other boys, I was different. I didn’t want to be like those boys, I wanted to dress pretty and wear cute outfits, not camo gear.
I knew back then that I wanted to express this feminine aspect of my character, but through the years of being told that this was not okay, I adapted to please those who fed and clothed me. My survival depended on it. So, I began to repress the desires to dress cute.
I adapted the way I walked, sat, talked and held a cup. By the age of twelve, I was smoking cigarettes, pot and had lost my virginity. That’s what my guy friends were doing, and I needed to be as manly as I could. But the real me was still there, under the surface, waiting.
After years of repression, it became normal to deny Char’s open expression, but a seed will always grow when the conditions are right.
You see, as the seed of a pine tree quietly waits for the conditions to be just right before it begins to emerge, the feminine in me quietly waited for the right conditions before it broke through the surface.
For decades, Char remained silent, only peeking out now and then to check the conditions; if they were not right, no emergence, back in she would go and try again at some later date. Over the years of my life, Char would pop-up now and then, look around and decide if the conditions were safe enough to “show up”.
The time for my emergence is now! There are those who still have not yet evolved enough to see the beauty, but that does not mean the beauty is not there.
For each of us, the time to emerge is different. You will know when it is safe for you to emerge into a bigger world. Until then, keep your beautiful self safe. Guard her and watch over her. Don’t take her into dangerous situations, and protect her from those who might aim to do her harm.
And, most importantly of all, remind her every single day that just because the conditions may not be quite right for her full emergence yet, it doesn’t mean that she is not beautiful; she is!
The tiny seed does not hate the world and nor does it go about screaming and fighting. It knows of its own beauty deep within, and it knows that when the conditions are just right, it will emerge and become the majestic towering pine others will stare at in awe at its magnificence.
Unlike the tiny seed, we can create many of our own conditions for our own emergence while keeping the seedling of our feminine beauty safe.
This week’s Reset idea; although all the conditions are not perfect yet, do not let what we cannot do stop us from doing the things that we can in creating the right conditions for our emergence into the world.
We can show the world that we are kind, friendly, nonthreatening beings who simply want to give and receive kindness and who show love for all of humanity. Allow the emergence of beautiful you to happen naturally, not forcefully. We are becoming no matter what; it’s just a matter of time!
Thank you for reading Your Weekly Reset and thank you for being exactly who you are!