No one has to tell you it is that time of the year. You can generally only miss it by locking yourself in an airtight refrigerated room deep in the bowels of the house your great grandparents grew up in.

For some, the holidays are something they look forward to all year long. There are those folks who obsess over family holiday traditions, wear themselves out wrapping gifts and creating feasts, and then there are those who can’t wait until it is all over. Most people fall somewhere in between. There is a holiday spectrum just like that gender spectrum you might have seen on the network news. You’re somewhere on it. And the other thing, too.

What do you do when, for you personally, the holidays suck? Maybe you aren’t talking to or much getting along with the family, for whatever reason, including the reasons we all know and talk about here. Maybe you are alone, recently separated from a loved one, going through a divorce, or the whole “happy happy, joy joy” thing makes you want to stick an ice pick in someone’s neck. The reasons aren’t as important as what you are going through. Some call it the holiday blues or seasonal depression. Others know that when you are just holding it together during the rest of the year, having everything come at you at full force during the holidays is just too much.

You live through it. Sometimes the plan for the week is little more than survival. The whole picture is too much all at once, especially at the holidays when family drama comes to a head, when Christmas movies cascade pictures of miracle moments where everything works out, and when everyone is talking about being “thankful for what you’ve got.”

Instead, be thankful for what you’ve accomplished. Maybe the year has been a tough one, but you have scored some victories. It all depends on how you score them. A successful trip to the supermarket might seem like a stupid thing to feel good about, but you need to. Maybe you hate grocery shopping. Maybe it is difficult for you because you are always having to count pennies to make sure you have food to last the week. Maybe you have physical limitations that make shopping hard. Suddenly, when you think about these things, celebrating a successful adventure at the supermarket isn’t that stupid after all. Now, go out and do it during the holidays for a really exciting adventure of the kind Indiana Jones might go off on.

Celebrate the small victories as you build up towards a narrative of your life where you are stringing these wins together. If you are struggling this holiday season, you can make it to the other side.

That could be victory enough.

Happy Holidays.

En Femme Style

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Trusted Member
3 years ago

Hi Captain Thank you for the article to bring this season into perspective. Fortunately for me the holidays are for sharing with family… and yet you have brought out that for others it may be a difficult time as you mentioned, loss of a love one ( last year Christmas was tough for my wife whose mom passed away in August.. it was sad time but family help her through her sadness) or a break up, or a serious illness… my grandchildren bring out the innocent joys of Christmas and I try to bring compassion to a friend who is… Read more »

Michelle Liefde
Active Member
3 years ago

Hi Captain,

Thank you for writing these words! Your message holds true for me that finding the small victories can be the victory to pull us through another day, especially this time of year. So again thank you Li wish you and yours a safe and happiest of holidays!


Fiona-Ann Moss
Active Member
3 years ago

Hi Captain. Wonderful words of wisdom there! I love Christmas, not for the presents or anything like that, just to be together with my wife and kids. Sadly not everyone has this luxury, so my heart goes out to those. I look at Christmas as a gigantic jigsaw puzzle that needs to be put together, piece by piece, you just hope none of the pieces are missing! have a splendid Christmas Captain, a prosperous new year, and looking so forward to the next inspiring article.

Fiona xxx

Rachel Wells
3 years ago

Thanks, Captain. Those are wise words!

Trusted Member
3 years ago

Beautifully said Di, One Step is still one step, which is one step more than the day before…wait…that can be an article all on it’s own…hehehe

I Am Grateful for you my friend

n huggles

Alicia C
Active Member
3 years ago

xmas has been about so much guilt, disappointment, despair, 2 LTR breakups and other unhappy feelings and expectations. We finally quit any official observance of xmas a couple years ago. While we may go visit some folks, send some gifts those that do still celebrate it, we basically don’t practice it that much. some years maybe a tree because it smells nice, but what a pain and really kind of uncool when you think about it. the very best thing I’ve done is GET RID of xmas. The freedom of doing that is like coming out to everyone and feeling… Read more »

3 years ago

Once again, CDH lets me know I’m not alone. The short days, the lack of sunlight, the barren landscapes. The commercialism, the greed. Spending my hard earned money buying pesents for people I can’t stand only to have to listen to them whine when they didn’t get what they wanted. Call me Scrooge. I hate christmas. But the year. OMG. What a year it has been for Candy. A year of growth. A year of awakenings. A year of firsts, of freedom, of finding herself. Go my sisters, enjoy your holiday if you’re so inclined. Don’t worry about me. I’ll… Read more »

Brianna Butterfly
3 years ago

Thank you CDH for once again addressing something that I am going through. This article has given me a little hope that I can survive another holiday season. However there will always be a little depression for me at this time of year. Because the day after Christmas marks the anniversary of my Step Mothers death. This is the woman that taught me how to care for myself and taught me about manners and pride. Its always difficult to hold it all together knowing she will not be here for me especially right now while I’m experiencing so much new… Read more »

JoAnne Crowley
3 years ago

Sigh…. all dressed up and nowhere to go. Good to know I’m not alone out there.

skippy1965 Cynthia
Trusted Member
3 years ago

As you know, I write similar things every Christmas and though I am divorced, kids grown and living alone, I always do try to look for the positives in my life and focus on those and not dwell on the loneliness I sometimes feel. and then I remind myself of the many wonderful friends I have here and that I’m never truly alone. Merry Christmas !

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