Nearly every crossdresser I’ve had the privilege to meet since I joined Crossdresser Heaven has expressed at least some level of insecurity about their femme side. Why do I need to dress? Am I weird? Will I find someone who can love and accept me? It’s unfortunate that our society has forced so many beautiful women into the closet because we can’t accept something new or different. It’s completely understandable though why crossdressing can cause major insecurities. As I’ve been getting to know more genetic girls in a relationship with a crossdresser, I’ve found that we have a unique set of insecurities ourselves, aside from the typical insecurities many women in a relationship feel.
The perception of femininity that a crossdresser has if often much different than that of genetic females. We’ve grown up entirely female, so the allure of all things feminine is sometimes lost on us. Sure, most of us like to get dolled up and feel pretty, but it isn’t something that permeates our thoughts and daily lives as it does with many crossdressers. Our partners put a lot of time and effort into presenting themselves beautifully, and some of us partners wonder if we’re girly enough. Do our partners mind that we don’t always embrace our femininity? It sounds backwards, doesn’t it? But the idea that the genetic female in the relationship is insecure about not being feminine enough for our femme loving partners is a frequent topic of discussion among us partners.
There are other insecurities too, that are harder to share with our partners, because they stem from us not understanding crossdressing, as hard as we may try. We don’t know how our relationship will change when we find out about our partner’s femme side, and it can be scary. They may do everything right and make sure we know they love us but it’s hard not to worry that their feelings for us will change because our relationship dynamic has changed so suddenly and drastically. It’s not a fair thought to have, but it’s one that almost all of the partners I’ve talked to have had. Perhaps it’s the feeling that we’ve invited another person to join our relationship. We haven’t, of course, that femme persona was always there, we just didn’t know about it, but we don’t have any other frame of reference for no longer being the only woman in our relationship.
While discussing this in the Significant Other forum, another SO said something that has allowed me to reframe how I think about this particular insecurity. She’s given me permission to share her thoughts. When responding to a member who was questioning whether their partner will still love them and want to be with them, she said “He dressed before you knew and you are the one he desires. He dressed when you knew and you continue to be the one he desires. Dressing makes him who he is and you make him feel loved so does dressing really change that love and commitment you have with each other?” I felt like a lightbulb in my head (or perhaps my heart) went off! My partner knew about his femme side when he fell in love with me, so why would his feelings for me change just because I know about her now? If anything, wouldn’t him being able to share this special part of himself just make his love for me grow?
One of the things I love about this community is the way we can share with and challenge each other. My challenge to you, whether you are a crossdresser or you love one, is to keep in mind that for all the insecurities you have, your partner probably does too. These may never go away, but if we don’t talk to each other about these kinds of things, we may miss a perspective that can help us feel just a bit more secure in ourselves or our relationship, and that can bring great comfort.
Very nice article Trisha. I have found it very difficult to find a female to be in a relationship with that is not only understanding of my CD lifestyle but supportive. I have tried the various dating sites and have had contact with GG’s but once they find out I am a lifestyle CD they run for the hills. Some are intrigued but most are just not understanding enough to pursue a relationship with me. That being said I will probably stay single as I have taken myself off the market. If there is one thing I stand by is… Read more »
Thank you so much Trisha for sharing. I have read it over and over and will share it with my wife.
hugs, Liv
Hi Trisha I’m a genetic male but I think I should have and feel I am a woman.Im married with kids and all my life I felt different.Ive worn women’s clothes from I was about 8 not to play dress up but it felt normal as I thought I wd become a woman one day!Weird I know but it is how I felt all my life.I told my wife a few years ago I like to crossdress after we had a few beers and she seemed fine with it and took me shopping and bought me bras and panties and… Read more »
Trisha I can’t stop reading this , Beautifully written. It shows insecurities can be deeply scarring in life’s challenges . My wife continues mentioning thoughts about my love for her, her feelings towards her identity, and our relationship in a whole. This community shows compassion and you Trisha thank you for bringing this to light.
Trisha. Yes, we are weird. But we are loving every minute of it.
Trisha,
Another awesome article! You do a great job letting the community know how our SOs fears and worries manifest yet can still hope to work out a path for relationships to continue. Thank you so much for sharing our perspective and helping bridge the sometimes daunting gap we face in understanding each other! I can’t wait to see your next article! You ad your SO are two very very lucky people
Love,
Cyn
Thankyou for this Trisha, Your prospective form a SO side is so true, my wife and I have spoken about this so many times, as she is not as into displaying her fem side as much as I do, and have two girls 16 and 12 years old and trying to understand there needs to wear makeup and go shopping is hard for her, but it one off the things that I love the most, I have always dressed from as long as I can remember and my wife found out about 8 years ago, the times have been a… Read more »
It took 10 years for our roller coaster ride to calm down. The best thing you can do is to become “Super Husband." Pay attention when in casual conversation with her. If she mentions something she likes or states a preference about something, make a mental note. After a time, long enough that it doesn’t look like you’ve taken it as an order and you are submitting to her, make it happen. It needs the be and look like an act of love. For an example, I discover, years ago, that my wife’s personal preference for milk shake flavors is… Read more »
great post Trisha
posts like yours saved my marriage when my wife connected with other wives and girlfriends on this forum.
our marriage is not like it once was(i lost the complete trust of my wife and also how she views me as a man and husband) ,but we are still together more best friends and looking to grow old together.
Thank you Trisha, so much. It’s as if I joined this community just so I could read this article, which has already helped calm me down so much. It’s days since the man I Love with all my heart told me he liked to dress in lingerie and other sensuous feeling women’s clothing. The questions in my mind seemed endless and overwhelming, and not in any way helpful for starting important conversations. So your article has helped me more than you could imagine
I’m glad I could help! Have you read one of my other recent article titled “To the Partner of a Newly Outed Crossdresser?” You may find some insight there as well. Welcome to CDH!
Great Article Trisha