Feminie Guestures

I have now lived as a woman full time for over a month. During that time I have not once dressed as a man, whether at home or in public and frankly, I have felt no desire to do so. In the meantime, my preliminary medical tests have been completed and I am about to start on hormone replacement therapy as the next step towards full transition. Soon my appearance will start to change and then I shall no longer be able to wear men’s clothing without looking ridiculous. Even now, I have to be careful about my hair – I am trying desperately to grow it long enough for a feminine style, but at the moment it is simply a mess which I hide under a wig. But then are there any male wigs that hide bad hair? My nail varnish is another reason for not wanting to try to look male.

So how do I feel?

Great! At first I was apprehensive about meeting certain people whom I suspected might be a little intolerant. However, I said to myself, I cannot hide from everybody all the time, and once I start living as a woman I shall have to go on with it. If I am female one day and male the next, people will just be confused. So, here goes; I now live as the girl I am. Up to now I have not had a single bad experience. I live in Frankfurt in Germany and in Pomáz, a small town in Hungary, and commute between my two homes by air.

Transgender Heaven - Gender Journey

Most of my friends and perhaps half my acquaintances recognised me without any prompting, but all seem happy to treat me as a woman. I have been complemented on my appearance several times (I like to think I have good dress sense) and I have been told twice – by a woman and by a man – that I am a better person as a woman than as a man. At first I was surprised. I thought I am still me and the basic me hasn’t changed. But then I thought about it some more and began to realise that actually the basic me has changed, subtly if not dramatically.

As a woman, I am more relaxed and therefore more considerate of those around me, more sensitive to other people’s needs. The reason seems simple enough to me. I am a woman, living as a woman. As a woman I am not afraid of feminine gestures, of feminine deportment or of feminine behaviour.  I compliment and adore being complimented. I love giving and receiving little presents. Even tears hold no terror for me now. Not to mention the wonderful freedom of being able to touch, hug and kiss without fear of being thought over-emotional.

As a man, I was, though most of the time unconsciously, putting on an act. I slouched in my chair, even though it was natural for me to put my knees together and sit up straight. I deliberately kept my arms to my sides when speaking to avoid punctuating my speech with gestures or, horror upon horrors, laying my hand on another man’s arm. I had to be certain that I didn’t fold my arms when standing and obviously I couldn’t be seen admiring a woman’s clothes or handbags. About the only point on which I could be neutral was walking. I can’t walk properly anyway and an inelegant lurch on crutches is and remains an inelegant lurch – male or female.

So my message to everybody out there is, relax! Enjoy being the real you and let others share in your enjoyment! You won’t regret it.

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13 Comments
  1. Author
    Andrea Miles 2 years ago

    Thank you, Bobbiann and Stefanie, for your lovely comments. It’s been a while now since I last posted, but I’m still enjoying being a woman full time. My hormone theraphy is coming on a pace, although it hasn’t made as much difference to my appearance as I’d like. In particular, my breasts are still VERY small, although they are far more sensitive. On the other hand, my skin is softer and I have been complimented on the shape of my legs, so, clearly, there has been some effect. One thing, though, I have noticed – mentally and emotionally I1ve become even more feminine than I used to be. For example, I’m now genuinely interested in children and crying toddlers now only make me want to comfort them. I don’t know whether this is a consrquence of the HRT, coincidence or merely my imagination. Whatever it is, I feel more and more natural every day. In the meantime I’ve passed all the tests the doctors wanted for my operation and I’ve now got a definite date – February 15, 2018. It still seems some way away, but let’s see how time flies!

    Hugs girls!
    Andrea

  2. Peggy Ann Culpepper 9 months ago

    Thank you Andrea, You have given ME the courage to continue on the path of revealing and living the life as A Woman that i have become. I also am partly disabled from a stroke 2 years ago. I am able to live alone (My wife of 55 years left about 10 years ago after 45 years of alcohol abuse by me and our 7 kids were grown and the last 2 ,twins left for college.)
    We have remained friends and she has been wonderful, helping me through the rehab from the stroke, and we do things with the kids and grands 10. as i said i live alone as the woman that i am at home. I do underdress when out and about and this can present problems also, being handicaped as you well know. I want so, so much to be able to let the whole world see the real ME, But i live in a small town with kids and grands to consider. I dont drive which is probably a good thing, because i would just get fully into my female mode and drive off into the sunset. I can’t have surgery due to a heart condition and age, 78. I did have harmone treatment for two years along with 45 radiation treatments in 2011, which was really a godsend, because not has my prostate
    cancer remained in remission, but It helped me along the path to being the Woman i was meant to be. I get braver every day(maybe to brave considering) coming out to all the kids, about six months ago. No meltdowns there but some not very happy either. As long as i stay out of site and sound, i’m ok.(LoL) I know that i hae rambled on too long and will end by thanking You again For helping me , With the courage to be JUST ME>HELLO WORLD>LOVE YOU ALL OUT THERE

  3. Staci Pennwell 4 weeks ago

    First off, thanks for sharing, as well as being your beautiful self. I’ve transitioned twice in my life, totalling some 14 years. Been cleared by licensed medical boards 2 times, for SRS surgery in my lifetime. I’m in my 50’s now and started this journey, not realizing it would become a lifelong Saga. Which one never expected. Was offered surgery at 20, but passed on it, as my GF’s, all recommended i wait. As the surgery took 4 to 5 tries to get the finished product back in the 80’s. Being young, i waited. Not realizing i’d washout a lifetime. Which i can easily shed a tear about. But been on Premarin back in the day and been on estradiol and spironolactone these past 8-9 years. My body has done so much better on the newer drug, as well as all my senses serum to like it, as well.

    I’ve lost countless jobs being me, as well as still fighting off identity theft from 2012, which makes me more leary of life or people maybe. But I’m better with it, maybe more use to it. Who knows. But i have lost countless jobs and even homeless a few tomes because of it and i pass very well, in my younger days for sure.

    Maybe its better these days, for girls like us. But when i first transitioned, under the barbaric “Harry Benjamin standards” of care, it wasn’t a good thing. But neither was being on straight Premarin. Lol. But it was a step in a positive direction, so it made it all a little more bearing or doable maybe, is a better word.

    My parents tried to have me committed I a court of law, something they deny to this day. I think people think of us differently now. Maybe more empathy towards us girls. I do love hearing good things from the younger women about their coming out. I’m not going to write a book here today. So I’m stopping here. Lol. Hugs to you, for trying to move forward in positive flow. ThankYou

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