I have now lived as a woman full time for over a month. During that time I have not once dressed as a man, whether at home or in public and frankly, I have felt no desire to do so. In the meantime, my preliminary medical tests have been completed and I am about to start on hormone replacement therapy as the next step towards full transition. Soon my appearance will start to change and then I shall no longer be able to wear men’s clothing without looking ridiculous. Even now, I have to be careful about my hair – I am trying desperately to grow it long enough for a feminine style, but at the moment it is simply a mess which I hide under a wig. But then are there any male wigs that hide bad hair? My nail varnish is another reason for not wanting to try to look male.
So how do I feel?
Great! At first I was apprehensive about meeting certain people whom I suspected might be a little intolerant. However, I said to myself, I cannot hide from everybody all the time, and once I start living as a woman I shall have to go on with it. If I am female one day and male the next, people will just be confused. So, here goes; I now live as the girl I am. Up to now I have not had a single bad experience. I live in Frankfurt in Germany and in Pomáz, a small town in Hungary, and commute between my two homes by air.
Most of my friends and perhaps half my acquaintances recognised me without any prompting, but all seem happy to treat me as a woman. I have been complemented on my appearance several times (I like to think I have good dress sense) and I have been told twice – by a woman and by a man – that I am a better person as a woman than as a man. At first I was surprised. I thought I am still me and the basic me hasn’t changed. But then I thought about it some more and began to realise that actually the basic me has changed, subtly if not dramatically.
As a woman, I am more relaxed and therefore more considerate of those around me, more sensitive to other people’s needs. The reason seems simple enough to me. I am a woman, living as a woman. As a woman I am not afraid of feminine gestures, of feminine deportment or of feminine behaviour. I compliment and adore being complimented. I love giving and receiving little presents. Even tears hold no terror for me now. Not to mention the wonderful freedom of being able to touch, hug and kiss without fear of being thought over-emotional.
As a man, I was, though most of the time unconsciously, putting on an act. I slouched in my chair, even though it was natural for me to put my knees together and sit up straight. I deliberately kept my arms to my sides when speaking to avoid punctuating my speech with gestures or, horror upon horrors, laying my hand on another man’s arm. I had to be certain that I didn’t fold my arms when standing and obviously I couldn’t be seen admiring a woman’s clothes or handbags. About the only point on which I could be neutral was walking. I can’t walk properly anyway and an inelegant lurch on crutches is and remains an inelegant lurch – male or female.
So my message to everybody out there is, relax! Enjoy being the real you and let others share in your enjoyment! You won’t regret it.
Lovely story Andrea. You’re experience in Europe when out and about, mirrors similar experiences I have had around Seattle when I go out dressed. I’m just a CD, but I find when I look, walk and act like a woman, that is how I am treated. And although I am only 58 to your 71, I think I have taken on the same attitude towards what others think of me as you do – who cares. After you try to end your life (and fail fortunately), you realize you have to live for yourself first and foremost, or you will… Read more »
Being who we are is the most important journey in life. I too find that if you act as a woman people will treat you as such for the most part. You go girl
Nice comment April. Thank you. I think the real point is that if you behave as a woman, people will only see the woman in you and treat you as such. A couple of days ago, I flew between my two homes and caused absolute confusion at the airport check-in; the assistant at the counter just couldn’t believe that I my (male) passport was my own! Even after consulting two colleagues, she still wasn’t really convinced, even though she did let me through. At the security check I was frisked by a woman as a matter of course, and on… Read more »
Hugs to you hunny i think you are amazing
What a delightful story Andrea! It is certainly true that people see what they expect to see and that confidence is 90% of being convincing! I hope to continue to gain in that confidence as I get out more and more as Cyn in the coming weeks, months and years! I don’t know yet where my final path will lead but I Will enjoy the journey! Thanks again for sharing your story!
Cyn
Great story. It’s given me lots of inspiration and confidence because i am considering starting my journey to feminisation.
Great article. April, I’m glad you have found peace. Don’t have much to add othe rthan I enjoyed the article and the comments. Nice.
great to here
Very nice story Andrea. I can relate to some points in your story and it’s nice to hear it from some one else. I’ve thought of traveling by air to other parts of the country and was wondering what flags would go up in the security check points if things didn’t look right to the agents there. I have also thought of the hormone therapy and how well it would work on some one of our age. I’ll be 70 soon. I really wish you the best with your journey and hope you will keep us posted on the progress.… Read more »
I bet you never felt so alive in your life. Way to go I hope that one day that I’ll have the guts to do the same. I wish You all the happiness you deserve it. And how are your nerves doing? Tell me how does it feel to be a full time woman I can only think about it. I just started to be Bobbieann again after a long time away from her but I found myself thinking about her all the time now she’s back Am soo happy with myself. It’s like I was reborn. I get goose… Read more »