In all the decades during which I was a closeted crossdresser, my dressing activities concentrated primarily on lingerie and hosiery. As time passed, however, I discovered lingerie was not just an object of desire, it proved to be the key that opened the door and enabled me to experience the notion of womanhood.
At first, this new interest in womanhood centered on their relationship with lingerie What did women think of wearing lingerie? What did they like and why? What styles were more comfortable? What were the pros and cons of all the various bra styles? How do you measure for a comfortably fitting bra? Concentrating on the relationship between lingerie and women resulted in my crossdressing gradually moving away from just a guy wearing ladies’ underthings to a guy wanting to better understand the wider world of women.
As I explored this, I became more enthralled at how wonderful wearing lingerie felt, and how very sensuous my legs felt covered in nylon stockings. I discovered just how beautiful full slips were and how utterly sensual it was to finally close the last garter belt snap to feel their tug on my stockings. That beginning sense of femininity would slowly take root in my psyche and change me forever.
I soon tried on a skirt and dress for the first time, and I felt like I belonged in them. Years passed until in the Spring of 2022; I made the decision to dress completely as a woman for the first time. As I built my wardrobe, bought a wig, and stocked up on makeup in preparation for going out in public en femme that May, my sense of femininity grew by leaps and bounds.
Applying lipstick and watching as the creamy color transformed my appearance was a thrill. Waking up in the morning and feeling my breast forms pressing on my chest was a very comforting sensation. Donning a wig and seeing the woman staring back at me in the mirror was breathtaking. Wearing a new dress with makeup, jewelry, wig, and shoes, looking in the mirror, and saying “Hello Fiona” for the first time was a truly memorable experience. Shortly thereafter, it was look out world, here I come, and out the door I went.
Oh my, I’m actually letting people look at me dressed as a woman? Better make sure my clothing, makeup, and mannerisms are appropriate in order to convey a believable female image! Men are giving me the once over and checking me out? Better check and make sure I’m walking in shorter, straighter steps, not lurching down the street like Quasimodo. Women are smiling at me or giving me appraising looks? Better make sure I smooth my skirt as I sit down and cross my legs correctly! Having to be “On” all the time in public made my feelings of femininity skyrocket, and I took to being out in public like a fish takes to water.
These feelings were especially strong when I got glammed up in a cocktail dress or an evening gown and went out to dinner or a public event. I felt then that I had reached peak femininity, it couldn’t get any better than this! However, as it turned out, I was wrong. There is one other circumstance that for me truly is indeed the ultimate in feeling feminine and the following is a good example:
At a Thai restaurant one evening, I was dressed in a short black skirt, black leggings, black knee-high boots, and a loose slate blue, satin, button-down blouse. Seated just in front of me were a husband and wife in their mid-to-late 60s. As they got up to leave, the woman turned to me and commented how much she liked my blouse. After thanking her, we spent a minute talking about blouse styles. She then said that the color really complemented my skin color and makeup. I thanked her again and we talked for a minute or two about cool/warm color matching. She then wished me a nice night and left.
This was my first longish conversation with a member of the public, and I sat amazed at how natural and comfortable it had felt. Just two ladies talking about normal female things. During dinner, my eyes kept wandering across the aisle from me where two people, a male and female, who appeared to be in their early 50s, were sitting. The woman had a wonderful natural beauty with gorgeous long, straight, honey-blond hair.
As I got up to leave, I walked over, excused myself for interrupting, and complimented her on her hair. She broke out in a big smile, briefly put her hand on my forearm, like women often do, and thanked me while saying, “Not bad for being in my 60s huh?” After telling her how young-looking she was for her age, I told her not to feel bad about being in her 60s because she should be glad she’s not 72 like me. Once again, she put her hand on my arm and said, “Get out of here, you look wonderful, no way you’re 72!” After thanking her, the two of us chatted away for a minute or two about looks, age, and the wonders of makeup. Her male companion sat there looking amused as he watched us yakking away like women do. As I made to leave, I said to her “Good night young lady” and she said in return “And good night to you too young lady.”
I left the restaurant on cloud nine, incredulous at having had normal woman-to-woman conversations with two different ladies who both talked with me as if I were one of them. The feeling was incredible and very satisfying.
As I soon discovered, interacting with genetic women, and having them deal with you as just another woman is, for me, the thing that makes me feel the most feminine. My numerous interactions with women have included asking women in a store’s dressing room for their opinion on a dress I was trying on, sitting with my female dentist and giggling like schoolgirls about scenes in the Barbie movie, sitting with my female neighbor in her front yard talking about life and laughing about what dolts men can be, to comparing nail polish and offering lipstick advice to the aides in a doctor’s office or simply chatting with women about sizes, materials and designers while shopping.
It didn’t seem to make a difference that I was a trans woman, everyone just interacted with me like they were talking with another woman. I understand that this does not necessarily mean every woman was accepting of my trans lifestyle. Maybe some were just being polite or in the case of a sales assistant just trying to make a sale, but the bottom line is that their interactions with me were respectful and made me feel welcomed. I’m convinced that if you want to be accepted as a woman, you need to act confidently, dress appropriately, and ensure you are polite and courteous in your dealings with genetic women. In most cases, you will be met with respect and courtesy in return.
But like the Sirens of Greek mythology, who lured sailors to their deaths because their voices and the lyrics to their songs were so lovely that no one could resist them, the lure of femininity is also very powerful. This was brought home to me one day while listening to the radio. The Spencer Davis Group was playing with Steve Winwood belting out the lyrics to “I’m A Man” and I yelled back at the radio “That’s your problem, Stevie, I’m a woman!!” I said it in jest, but it got me to thinking about how I’ve evolved since introducing the world to Fiona. I’ve moved on and am not really a male any longer. Yes, I have a male body, but I have left many of the other elements that make up “maleness” behind and don’t miss them at all. I am also not a female. The reality is that I will never experience the world exactly as a genetic woman does. I now exist somewhere between being male and female that can be labeled trans, transgender, or transfeminine, take your pick. I’ve also arrived at a point where I can say I am not simply emulating a woman, which implies just copying what other women do but am expressing my own unique, personal feelings of femininity. So my fascination with lingerie all those decades ago turned out to be the key that unlocked the door to womanhood. Once that happened, the Sirens of Femininity lured me along to where I am today. Their song was so powerful that it ultimately enabled the real me to emerge and changed me into a completely different person. I am so very grateful that I heard and heeded their seductive song…
More Articles by Fiona Black
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- The Lure of Femininity - June 3, 2024
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Thank you so much for sharing your story .
I see “ The Lure of Femininity “ as natural for us .
Very well written like a female romance novel authoress 💋
@d44 Where have I been for the past month that I missed this! I think that a real measure of someone’s writing skills is the feeling the reader gets that the writing acts like a window to the writer’s soul. This surpasses that criteria by miles, Fiona! Your eloquence and your ability to bring the reader with you through your detailed description of the events and your feelings, paints a vivid picture. I am planning my first adventure as Allie in the coming months and your account has exchanged apprehension and nervousness for eagerness and excitement in me. A huge… Read more »
@Fiona Black Transition can mean more than just one thing for us crossdressers. Maybe metamorphose can suit some of us better, going from being in a hard shell, to a beautiful butterfly.
Thank you Fiona!