I’ve been meaning to write about this for months now. Ever since that day waiting in line to mail some return some Christmas gifts we bought for ourselves that didn’t quite fit (I told you it’s been a while…).
It was a crisp Seattle December morning, and I was waiting in line at the local UPS store. I don’t recall exactly what I was wearing, but it was decidedly feminine – complete with makeup and accessories. Naturally, being a few weeks before Christmas it was packed, so while waiting patiently I played with something on my phone. I left myself just enough attention to move along in line as I wound my way to the counter. Lost in thought I heard someone say, “I can help you here ma’am”. I prepared myself to move along in line as the cashier helped the woman in front of me. Except – there was no woman in front of me. He was talking to me.
I had been so lost in thought that my reptilian brain had reverted back to the many years of conditioning as a man. While distracted, with only an inkling of awareness I wasn’t expecting someone to refer to me as “ma’am”. Usually when I’m treated as a woman I feel a warm glow of validation – my soul vibrates in time with the universe. That day I felt … shock.
I had been shocked out of my masculine mask by one short phrase – “I can help you here ma’am”. For a long time afterwards I was pensive. I kept wondering, “What does this mean? Is it a sign I’m not meant to be a woman? Is it a window into my true nature?”. I’ve since come to the conclusion that this was a demonstration of the power of habit – I have been conditioned my whole life to respond to “sir”. It’s not an indication of my inherent femininity. In the same way that we’re trained to hear the softest mention of our name across a crowded, noisy room we’re trained to watch for familiar indications of attention.
Our senses light up when we hear a greeting, “Hello!”, or a call for notice, “Excuse Me!” or a cry for help, “Help!”. We’re not as attuned to random fragments of speech – I don’t turn my head when someone says “peccadillo”, or “peanut butter” – though my ears might perk up if I hear “crossdresser” – even when I’m not dressed – since this is something at the forefront of my consciousness.
Have you had a Ma’am Shock? What was it like for you?
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vannesa –
want an excellently written story, "the ma'am shock." you not only told the story, but expressed your feelings – then, created some perspective. the paragraph of how we normally respond to significant word was the cherry on top of the sundae.
thank you, amber
Thanks Amber, what a wonderful compliment. *big hugs*
i have been ma"amed server times it always feels great
phyliss
I don't think I would ever say I was ever "Shocked" by being valled "Ma'am" or "Miss". I have been called both many times, both when I have been dressed male and female. I have always had long hair, so that has something to do with it when I am dressed as male. Many times it is the same scenenrio you described of being in line somewhere and another cashier saying "Ma'am, I can take you over here!".
I may have been surprised to hear it when I am not dressed female because I am not expecting it, but it always puts a smile on my face because those are the terms that I identify with. It is usually the one who calls you that the one that has the shock (unless you are dressed female) and you always get the shocked and surprised look on their face and they put their hand over their mouth and say "Oh my God, I am so sorry!!!". They feel that they have offended me, but I have always laughed it… Read more »
🙂 Wonderful way to share your story with those who accidentally confuse you love.
Ive been called Maaam, and other things ha ha. Who cares? I dont. Lifes a ball. Enjoy it. I do. Love, carol
My best adventure was when I was at a place with my TG friend and we were dressed rather nice and a gentlement came up to me and said I looked like Jennifer Aanison the movie star. I should have kissed him on the spot. I thought that was better than a Ma'am any day.
Yesterday I hung an outboard motor onmy boat, was dirty and dressed in my boy clothes. I went into the gas station, and bought a pass for the boat launch. The guy said thank you maam. I smiled and walked out. I thought a second, then realised, it was my boobs and purse that got his response. I was dressed like a mechanic…..with boobs.
I was in boy clothes, no make-up (shorts and a windbreaker) and a family of bicyclists passed, consisting of three children and a couple. The little girl (about 6) waved. I smiled and returned the wave and after they passed I heard her say, "Mommy, I waved to that nice woman." That was so SPECIAL!!!!!
Since my city isn't frindly, I went to a larger near by city that is reasoably friendly. I was walking through a park. dressed for the area that I was in and a woman walked up behind me and addressed me, excuss me ma'am.
My city is not at all trans friendly. I had to go somewhere 4 hours away and was greeted at the restaurant " This way ma’am, I have a table for you and your sister". I felt so good that I often go back there. Being in girl mode for days on end and recognized as such makes it so much nicer.
I was called ma’am several times when visiting an out of town restaurant. It was really nice when the waiter said “This way ma’am, I have a table over here for you and your sister". I have to go out of town to dress up because my city is not at all supportive of trans people. Being addressed as ma’am makes me feel very good, so it cannot be wrong. No support from friends and family.
Are you serious about all this. Stop complaining and save up your money and go ahead and get the freaking operation already. It sounds like you've made up your mind since you've been a kid. Who cares what your wife, family or even what your kids might think, if you want to turn your penis inside out and turn for the other loop then go for it. Stop making excuses and talking how you feel so feminine. You're never going to see what it's like to be a woman until it's over with. So are you going to continue the… Read more »
are you seriouse this is her journy not yours so behave yourself and help her and the other Ladies along on there journey to be who they are at their own pace!!! Love Michelle
I too ventured out to my local Walmart not in a dress or stockings but in my strech jeans and a womens tee shirt. My worry was to get past the greeter but once in I had to get back out, she just smiled and said "that was way to quick, Babydoll" my heart melted and I had the biggest smile that night!
Vickie