It has been a long journey to where I am today, living as a woman, over fifty years of evolving in fact. It started by wondering why girls wore clothes that I felt were right for me, leading to wearing my sister’s dresses and feeling it was indeed right. Through the years I retained that feeling and dressed when I could. Eventually I came out and things progressed further by getting my own wardrobe, gaining support of family, then friends, leading to the slow transition from male to female. My life changed on retirement, first going full time, then reentering the world of work. It was then that I was meeting people who only know the female me and nothing of my past; this was a new chapter. I had not changed my name officially, nor undergone surgery.

I had interviews and job offers, which all went very well, with the employers protecting my identity from co-workers, customers or clients.  My first job was in a shop and my first co-worker was one that I also interviewed, and I took her on. She was lovely and we got on so well, she even introduced me to her family. The customers seemed quite oblivious on the whole and I loved the job. I was chatting to my co-worker one day and I let slip my trans status in conversation, thinking she knew, as the owner was a good friend of mine and may have mentioned it. The shocked look on her face when I said it, ‘Oh my god, I thought you were a lady!’ was enough to shock me too, but it was a salient lesson that I should not say a thing. It didn’t change anything about our friendship, however, because although the shop closed down, I still see her and her family to this day. I also have some new friends now that have given no indication that I am anything other than a female to them.

This got me thinking about how I see myself against how others see me, as my feelings are that I know what I am, but I’m still very sensitive that others will always see through me and my flaws, such as my voice.  My appearance is fine, as my friends and family tell me; I have no problems being accepted, having had no issues at my workplace or with any clients at all. The nature of my work means that I have to deal with individuals with issues, family and other partners involved in their care. I have sat with a client and her mother discussing what are quite intimate female issues and it was quite professional and natural. There is more, and all the time I feel that I am what I appear to be, yet I still have insecurities.

Why? Why do I have these feelings? It was understandable in my early forays out in the world as I was evolving as a female. I accept that sometimes people may read me and have had the odd glance or murmur among themselves, but with no incident; it happens. There are those that may wish to ask pertinent questions, but have company policy and the law made it that no one feels safe commenting or having their feelings known in case they might offend and suffer sanctions? Do they know or do they actually care? I have always made it clear to my employers that if anyone has any questions, I will talk to them; if clients object then I will not make an issue of it. Nothing has been asked and no clients have objected. I am in an enviable situation to a lot of girls and, on the face of it, have an almost perfect life. I am blessed and should have no fears, yet I do.

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Holly Morris
Trusted Member
2 months ago

Angela, thank you for sharing this with us. It’s very interesting to read that although you’re now able to live fulltime as a woman, you still have these doubts and insecurities that plague all of us.

Thank you again for sharing.

Hugs,

Holly

Joanne V
Member
2 months ago

Thank you for sharing Angela

Hugs
Joanne

Lauren Mugnaia
Duchess
Active Member
2 months ago

Hi Angela, Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and experiences with us. Your own journey shares many similarities with mine, although you have been actively living as a woman longer than I have. I also work as a woman, now legally a female, and have been accepted as one. My transition is now being referred to by my co-workers as a transformation. They all tell me they can’t even remember who or what I was like before, they all view me as “the nice pretty lady at the security desk”. But even with that knowledge and daily experience,… Read more »

Julie
Member
1 month ago

That was powerful hun. You sounded a little like my 1 specific brother. He stated I do not need to tell a future girlfriend about my female self. But I’ve been thinking everyone should know. Everyone does. Just new people won’t know if I go as a woman full time 1 day if I do not tell them. Great story sweetie.

Fiona Black
Baroness
Active Member
1 month ago

Angela,

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. When one does something that runs counter to society’s norms, it is inevitable that some fears or tension may occasionally make themselves felt. But you have the solid support of family, friends and co-workers and you present as an attractive lady so I hope these positives help allay your fears to a some degree.

Hugs,
Fiona

Michelle McQueen
Active Member
1 month ago

Thanks for sharing Angela. You have a great support network but we all have doubts and fears at times. It seems maybe you’re still fearful of someone outing you like you felt before you went full 24/7. You were so surprised when your coworker realized you were trans. I don’t know what would ease your fear except maybe over time you will become more confident as Angela. A trans counselor might help.

You are a brave girl living life most only fantasize about.

Lucinda Hawkns
Trusted Member
1 month ago

wow thank you for sharing your journey, must be hard at times dressed up as female and not telling someone that you are male not female, but having the figure of a female and dressed up as one. people should not judge a book by its cover! meaning don’t judge me because i am dressed up as a female. when i dress up all pretty i feel relaxed and happy, i am not passable at all, i would need cover up and foundation. but for clothing i have more than wife and seem to dress up more like real females… Read more »

Rochelle Mills
Baroness
Active Member
1 month ago

Angela, thanks so much for sharing your experiences and feelings living and working as a woman. I suppose we all want to be seen and accepted for who we feel (or know) we are and we are a bit predisposed to interpret personal signals one way or the other out in public. Sometimes I wished I hadn’t divulged my tans-ness and other times it has resulted in wonderful conversations. Besides your beautiful feminine appearance you must have developed a feminine voice — sometimes that seems to be the main thing I need to work on. Your descriptions give me encouragement… Read more »

Marg Produe
Active Member
1 month ago

Good for you Angela! Thank you for always sharing your adventure with us. Enjoy the life and don’t look back. Safe Journey, Marg

Philippa Parker
Baroness
Member
1 month ago

Hi Angela

Indeed a perfect life.

Hugs from Philippa

PS – you look lovely in you picture too.

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