Overcoming some of the insecurities of being transgender

The whole concept of Passing is just one of the issues that we are likely to confront at some point on our journey. Learning to be comfortable enough to break through that mind barrier and to be able to venture outside of our home and sanctuary, irrespectively whether we are at the beginning of our journey or not.

I understand and sympathise with anyone who is, or has gone through this, but think it is a process that we need to go through and empower ourselves to go beyond that point with a higher degree of awareness and confidence. While I fully subscribe to that, I also feel that the idea of Passing is a mindset where if we get it right, we give ourselves permission to be who we want, if we fail to see how we can trap ourselves by our thinking, it could hold us back by redefining who we believe we can be.

The feeling of needing to Pass is a result of conditioned thinking that we adopt unwittingly and unconsciously through what we refer to as social pressure and the ‘norm’. But those concepts and ways of looking at the world, are simply the beliefs of others, who do not have to deal with the displacement that we need to manage and resolve, just to have a basic simple and happy life.

Feed your thinking

We have the right to live by our beliefs as much as those who wish to impose theirs onto us; their objective being that we comply with their views, allowing them to keep ‘their world’ intact and with no reason to question any of their own thinking, assuming that we are the ones that need to reassess our own place in this world. And there lies the root of that problem!

Perhaps the need to Pass is a confidence trick that we willingly go along with, where we convince ourselves that we do look good enough to Pass. Or is it, that we need to feel good enough to Pass?  So, is this about our own beliefs then? Well, maybe it is and perhaps that is more the key to being happy with who you are. When we are able to meet our self-imposed criteria in Passing that we have created for ourselves and / or learn to accept and be absolutely comfortable with who we are, is when we can feel that we have accomplished our goal in Passing successfully.

Rays of sunshine

I understand fully the desire to look as feminine as we can and it is something that I am conscious of about myself. The reality of my progress has been that, the longer I have lived my true self, the less I am concerned about what people think of me and don’t feel the need to wear makeup if I go out. I have grown into being Sophie in such a way, that I know that if someone can’t see me as a woman and considers me to be somewhat masculine, I really don’t care what they think; it’s simply their belief and not mine. I know exactly who I am and don’t need confirmation from anyone to establish that.

What I wish to present here is suggesting a way of looking at how we feel and believe about ourselves but with absolute honesty, because the only one we will fool will be our self if not! What we wear does not make us a different person; it can make us feel pretty, happy, confident and lift our spirits, but we remain the same person with the same mind and thoughts. There it goes, arriving back at our thoughts again!

Stepping into the garden to think

For a moment, I ask you to think of your mind like your precious flower or vegetable garden. One where you carefully plants seeds, care and nurture them with regular attention, watering them when needed to ensure they sprout and grow into healthy plants, feeding them as they grow to create the best possible examples we can create. A seedling grows into a small plant and ready to be placed in your garden and out into the forces of nature. Our lives can be compared so easily to that, from a new born, infant, young child, teenager and then adult when we deal with the ‘forces of nature’. Created by our parents, being taken care of until we can face life on our own merits. Our mind ‘garden’ is where most of what we perceive as obstacles can be created by our own thoughts. Our garden is the place that is one of the more important areas of ourselves that we need to devote time, to allow us to enjoy the splendor, when the flowers bloom and fruit and vegetables are ripe for the picking. The summer of our lives is when we have weeded, watered and nourished our tender seedlings to become the magnificent and most colorful, perfumed and delicious things of pure beauty in nature and become ourselves in true color and glory.

Learn to think of yourself as one of those seedlings, care and look after yourself with tender love and passion on a regular and methodical basis, knowing that in only a matter of time your efforts will be rewarded by the powers of nature and deliver you to the summer garden of your life.

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Sophie Frenchie

I began this journey the day I opened my eyes for the very first time. I found this site at a time when I needed support more than any other point in my life. I had chosen to transition after years of internal turmoil, failing to be able understand or accept who and what I was. My life moved on at a pace that I found hard to deal with at times, but I managed. Living alone in the South West of France life was far from simple or easy then. Then, I discovered this oasis online, finding love, understanding and support unequalled to anything I have previously come across. Dare I suggest, my other family! So, why return after leaving about two years back? At the point, my life was changing dramaticaly, everything I had believed, understood and built my life around, up until that point, changed almost overnight. I am very settled in my life now living as a woman, with friends and a social life, all while being the happiest I have been. I am in the medical system here after overcoming many obstacles, now with the hope of surgery very soon to complete my transition. I have returned here in the hope that my experiences and knowledge can be of help to others in this community. When very young, I dreamed of being a girl, going to bed at night hoping I would awake as a girl. After realising that wasn't going to happen, I shut down that wish and lived a repressed existence from that day. It took a lifetime of unintentionally hurting myself and others, regretfully! Perhaps the one true regret of my life!

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Deborah Sullivan
Trusted Member
2 years ago

Ty Sophie. I know when stepping out in public I am saying this is who I am. We have all suppressed this feeling most of our life and now a feeling of liberation sets in. I suppose the need for passing is important so people dont stare at us as some kind of freak and be treated as a woman in every way. Being dressed in public is not trying to disguise ourselves as someone else but saying this is me

Sami Dee
2 years ago

Sophie, thank you for sharing such a great perspective for each of us about self care and seeing ourselves differently.

Tammy Josephine
2 years ago

awesome,i felt alot of that

Active Member
2 years ago

I think a small percentage of transgender individuals Pass 100% of the time. I think term blending is more applicable. I have been going out enfemme in public on and off since 1980. Because of my family situation the times I can are limited to 1 or 2x a month. Every time I do go out I enjoy the experience. I really don’t worry if someone reads me. Sometimes I get that knowing look from a saleswoman or a waitress. Years ago it would upset me. Today many or most accept our community. Of course there is a number of… Read more »

Jannie Murry
Active Member
2 years ago

When I began crossdressing I was like most everyone in that I wanted to look like I was a girl. It took a long time to learn how to use makeup and style my wig before I felt like I could pass. Even still it was a long time before I went out dressed en femme. Once I realized that what I saw in the mirror was the real me and no matter what I did, there wasn’t anything else I could do to make myself look better. I accepted the way that I looked and that’s when I ventured… Read more »

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