The site was down.
Several times over the past few months, I have tried to sign on to the site, but was greeted with a 521 error that it was down. I know this happens from time to time with any website but it really hit me one day. I started thinking about why it upsets me so much when I can’t get onto CDH. I know some people may see this anxiety as a sign of weakness-an inability to deal with real life. They point out that we don’t even know whether those online are really who they say they are.

And I must acknowledge that this is a true statement… but I also know that for every person who is NOT being genuine (and I know we have seen some of those on our site as will any online community) there is another person who like me has found a home here that accepts me for all of who I am. I have spent the first five decades of my life hiding who I really am, and it is in this community that I have been able to let the girl within me express herself for the first time. Years of repressing her have left scars that are only slowly beginning to heal-some of those scars have come from the words of others but many of them were self-inflicted. Hating myself for being different and having these feelings but then hating myself even more for not accepting that those same feelings are what has made me the person I am today and that the person I am IS worthy of being loved.

The ladies on this site have been my guardian angels. Their words of support and love-of which I feel so unworthy-have made the difference between survival and a life of loneliness and despair. They have provided me with a reason for going on in life. The joy I get in sharing in their successes and the heartbreak I feel in sharing in their setbacks are equally important in giving me a sense of purpose. By being there for them, I feel like I make at least a little difference in the world-and isn’t that all I can really ask for in life? The knowledge that someone else is happy and successful (or at the least a little less sad) because of something I did? I realize it may only be in my imagination, but it does help me to get through each day.

Stepping Out Secrets

Well the site is currently running like a well-oiled machine, and so I’ll close this out for now, but thanks to the down time. I was reminded of how precious the gift of the site has been and will continue to be. I will not take for granted the friends and confidants I have found here and I will thank God every day for leading me here. I love each and every one of you that has let me be even a small part of your life and know that you are each a huge part of mine. I can’t wait to see what the future holds! And I know I will have I will face it with a huge smile because I have all of you to share it with!

Luv,
Cyn

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*skippy1965(Cynthia)

The Original Cyn, or OC for short. Cynthia is from Richmond Virginia, she crossdresses every day (lucky gal!) and has a knack for tracking down niggling technical issues so we can fix them. She is also on a journey of self-examination to figure out where her feminine journey will lead her, and is always willing to talk with others about their feelings and questions or her own.

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April (Pacific Princess)
Ambassador
Active Member

Cynthia – I felt like I was reading my latest journal entries in your post. You have put into words exactly how I feel about my own journey, how I have felt about myself, CDH, and all the wonderful people here that provide so much support.

Wonderful post!

April

JaneS
Guest
Member
JaneS

We are who we are. It’s nice that we can finally express that without fear of ridicule or recrimination.

You put a smile on my face every day Cyn, or should that be a simel? 😉

Janine O
Guest
Janine O

I love the knowledge that there are other sisters as thankful that there is an accepting community as this one.

Terrie
Lady

I think you are just awesome and I want you to know your a true inspiration to me and give my security in my feelings about wearing my panties and bra

Shophie
Guest
Shophie

I told my best friend and it was like atone off whight off me .

Lanna Barton
Lady
Member

Thank you for being you. Truly a very special individual.
Love and hugs,
Lanna

Rsuze Delarouse
Lady

I am doing what I want. I don’t have to broadcast. I enjoy my time and getting more confidant.
Shopping is hard. Is the world looking and commenting
Oh it’s hard being a newb

Roxanne Lanyon
Lady
Member

Oh my, If only I could figure out this “Chat” business! How does it work, what do I click on, and so forth. I am such a confused girl! I came from Richmond, VA once. I went to High School and Junior High School there. I also spent a year at Richmond Proffesional Institute (remember VCU’s predescessor?). Oh my, that was a long time ago, when men where men, and women were, well, who knows, anyway! Times for gurls like us were so much harder then! But I am now Roxanne Lanyon, and so happy about it! Now, back to… Read more »

Fran Silva
Guest
Fran Silva

Me too been hiding who I really am haven’t been happy for so long and all I want is to be happy

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