As much as this lifestyle is full of angst and anxieties, it can also be wonderful, exciting, and full of “Holy *%$#” moments. Can you imagine a television show like “America’s Funniest Videos” dedicated to all those moments of panic-stricken, hilarious mishaps, missteps, and running for your life when you are about to get caught, crossdressing escapades?
How many of us have done things for the sake of our fixation that we wouldn’t have done otherwise? I’m guilty…big time. I’ve had some close moments, scary ones, and each one laughable as I look back. I’m not sure if my mother was naïve or just not willing to “go there” when I was in my adolescence. She had a dress mannequin (The bust on a stand) for making clothes for my sister and her. I used her makeup on the Styrofoam head and put it in my sister’s room (she is 8 years older than me) complete with a long dress and shoes poking out. I was 10 at the time and infatuated with my sister’s clothes.
I even put a bra on the mannequin. My explanation was that I was trying to scare my mean sister. Later, in Jr. high, I got my friends to do a “Vampire Short” for my media presentation. I had my male friend dress in my sister’s clothes and wig to play the girl…I was the director, and very jealous. He looked really, really good. I got an A. In High school, my friend in the neighborhood had a divorced mother who liked to look good. She had a closet full of beautiful, silky dresses and pantyhose. I got to take care of their dog when they were gone, and I tried on every one of those dresses…even (I’m ashamed to say) nabbing two and bringing them home…stupidly putting them in my closet. I didn’t think my mother would snoop in there…she did.
I confessed…it was my friend’s fault. He wanted to run away and was going to hide out in disguise, so I was keeping them for him. Mom only told me to give them back. Did she, or does she know?
I used to hide a wig, pantyhose, a bra, and panties in a gym bag along with some other confiscated dresses and shoes. I had a tent set up across from my house on an island (grew up by a river). I could dress and hang out in the tent during one summer…until someone came along and found the bag. It was a neighbor scoping out potential deer stand placement. They took it to the police as it might be the clothes of a missing girl from a few years back. Luckily, nothing ever came from it. If there was gossip in our neighborhood, I never heard it.
The early years of marriage were an adventure in stealth. I’ve only been caught twice (You can read about what happened to me in my other articles). My ex went to work, I was home for the day, and I wanted to try on her prom dress. I could only zip it halfway and she came home to catch me. I ran to the bedroom and took it off but had to confess. From then on, I was much more careful as I solemnly swore to never, ever do it again. I hid a pair of high heels inside my workbench or in my golf bag. The shoes were a purchase that I had to have. I walked by them in a mall multiple times before mustering the courage to buy them. They were a size 10…I wear a 13, and I made them fit until I broke a heel and had to throw them away.
I was riding my bike and happened to pass by a car. The windows were down and in the backseat was a pair of clogs and a purple dress. Yep, I eventually nabbed them and neither of them came close to fitting. I always wondered what the girl must have thought. All those things that we can’t stop ourselves from doing to feed the need that burns in us. Thankfully, I saw the light and have made amends by donating thousands of dollars of clothing and accessories to thrift stores…much of which I wish I still had…Damn those purges.
Some of the more humorous moments… I once got “STUCK” inside a dress that was way, too small. My arm was pinned, the dress cutting off my air, and panic taking charge. I danced…more like flayed across the room trying to get it off. I couldn’t see and knocked a valuable knickknack off the shelf, fell on the floor, and couldn’t get back up. It couldn’t have been more than a few minutes at most, but it felt like forever until the seam gave way and I burst forth like the Hulk. I paid $2.00 for that dress at a garage sale. It would be years before I understood my size and that I wasn’t a pretty and petite girl.
I tried to run in spiked heels once when the dog started barking and the doorbell rang. I severely twisted my ankle and had to crawl to the safety of the bedroom. To make matters worse, I also popped a blood vessel on my finger, the one wearing my ex’s ring. I barely managed to get it off, and not without some major pain. The ankle became one of those “lies” we tell to cover up. I fell down the stairs, oh clumsy me. Okay, I did actually fall down the stairs once wearing heels. I was lucky not to have been hurt.
I was once asked if I had been wearing mascara because of how dark my eyes were. “Nope, had a bad night sleeping.” I’ve split more skirts and dresses trying to fit into the wrong size, broke straps on shoes, spilled all the birdseed out of my homemade nylon boobs–everywhere, scrubbed my lips raw to get off a staining lipstick, deodorized the house after using a strong scented perfume, forgot to put jewelry away and tried to ignore it while talking to someone (hoping they don’t notice it or my anxiety), dove for cover on the floor behind a couch when the nosy neighbor knocked on the door and looked through the living room window, lost an artificial nail and spent hours looking for it so no one else finds it (was inside my pantyhose), lost a bracelet and couldn’t find it, got mascara in my eyes, (cold crème too), put a run in the ex’s pantyhose and stained her dress with her own lipstick.
The list is endless…and priceless. Like women and girls, we have to learn from our mistakes. I found better hiding places, learned how to apply makeup, do spot treatments on garments, buy the right sizes, and eventually come to terms with who I really was and am. I’m more than a crossdresser and I deserve to be happy and content in that acknowledgment. Not me, and not everyone can be “Out”, so we have to find our own particular balance, our own means to survive.
I’d love to hear some of your stories. God knows we could all use a little laughter.
Be safe, be kind, and may you find a closet that is large enough to hold your wishes and one with good lighting…
Until next time….
Another fine, fun, “slice of life" article. Thank you. I also struggled through trial and error to find my sizes. I’ve heard the “pop" of a seam giving out and thought, “oh damn, I’ve done it now" but nothing ever came of it. I’ve felt the panic of hearing a car door slam when I’m decked out to the nines. I’ve been caught with pantyhose or lipstick in the grocery wagon, “now how on earth did that get in there?" Let’s not even mention the times my browser history has nearly outed me. I guess it’s all part of the… Read more »
Girl, I can relate to all of those. Thank God for automated checkout at Walmart and other stores, not to mention the plain Amazon boxes for delivery. I once ordered from Fredricks of Hollywood and had to get to the mail before anyone else (so no one would notice the box.) Talk about anxiety. Now you can track it online. I broke the strap on my wife’s shoes and manipulated it perfectly so it would appear that she did it the next time she put them on. I even managed to sew up a tear in one of her sweaters… Read more »
I broke the heel on a most lovely pair of thigh highs one night. They don’t make the best running shoes.
I tried to fix my one great pair that I mentioned in the story. It was a disaster. I still wore them for a while (only one heel and the other glued in place without me putting weight on it) until I nearly twisted an ankle again. It was a sad day when I buried them unceremoniously in the trash.
Thanks for the comment 🙂
Thanks Sabrina for the fun article, I think it’s something we can all relate to. I am completely in the closet, no one to my knowledge is aware of my feminine side, except a few cross dresser friends. I had an unusual close call that involved technology. My social media presence for my fem side is on Flickr and YouTube, and I occasionally post videos of Kelly on both. I have a few videos of me on the beach. The day before I had been broadcasting YouTube videos to our flatscreen TV from my IPad (nothing related to crossdressing, I… Read more »
Such a good story 🙂 Technology was my downfall. I ordered a pair of white platform 8-inch stripper shoes (back when I was married) and a babydoll nighty with white fishnet stockings. I was overweight, hairy, and took suggestive photos of myself. I copied them from my camera to the computer (into a special folder). I looked at them (they were awful) and deleted the folder, making sure to empty the trash. I rebooted and double-checked. They were gone. To my horror, the absolute worst picture somehow ended up being put in a folder where my ex pulled it up.… Read more »
I have tons of tales, many involving police. But a favorite is the time I was traveling to a crossdresser meeting and let my girlfriend drive in heavy Greenville I-85 rush hour traffic while I called others to say I would be late for the dinner I was hosting. It was stop and go traffic. They stopped. She went. The car was totalled. Police arrived to pull us to the other side of the highway. The wrecker arrived as the police were taking info from me. Traffic was at a standstill and all were gawking at me.. It was at… Read more »
My God, you’ve had some moments… I got my heel stuck on the accelerator once and was using the other foot to press on the brake to fight the acceleration. It was a scary moment and one of those lessons learned.
Great stories 🙂 Thanks for sharing!
I got my heel stuck in the space between elevator and the floor once. Elevator took off and I landed awkwardly. Fortunately the heel broke off. It might have been worse.Heels can be dangerous!
The Devine Ms " M " … You have a flare for the dramatic…wait, We all Do. That’s what makes it all so believable, we have All done these things you described. Who hasn’t gotten STUCK in a garment or 2…or 5…yeah we have all Ripped our way out of several things we thought would look good on us! Laughable now…not then. I guess we have All " Nabbed " afew items over the years. I know I have lots of " Stealing Stories “…thanks for reminding me! Well, guess you can tell I enjoyed the piece…would love hearing your… Read more »
Drama queens…is that what we are? Maybe just a little 😉 Thank you for the kind compliment and comments. I think we all need to remember to laugh at ourselves; it’s part of the journey in feminine exploration. The adrenaline rush when the spouse gets home early is equal to jumping out of an airplane with a parachute. I know…I’ve done it.
Thanks for sharing, Brina. This was such fun to read. Yes, I have dozens of similar stories. It’s always nice to know your not alone.
Thanks for commenting, Marie. 🙂
One of the first times I presented myself to my wife, I slipped on the steps coming down and fell into the wall at the bottom of the steps. All my wife said was: “How graceful” and laughed.
That’s so me…not the coming out part but I bring new meaning to the phrase “wallflower." All the pictures I’ve knocked off in my attempts to sashay down the hall in heels…
Thanks for sharing 🙂
Yep, I face planted that wall flower, lol
Great Article Sabrina, I think we have all been there with trying on the item of clothing that is too many sizes too small. It is so frustrating finding something so nice only to find out you are not as small as you thought you are in your mind!! Before coming out to my wife I had left items of hers out which I managed to either deflect or ignore ( as sometimes she thought she had left them out ) Once I blamed the kids!! The odd time the Courier Driver turns up on my Dress up Friday and… Read more »
I did the bathrobe hustle once to answer the door to sign for a package. If he noticed that I had nylons on, I couldn’t tell. It was a time when I was experimenting with a corset, too. My face was sweating heavily…I’m guessing he thought he interrupted a “fun day" He did, just not in the way he believed… Yes, those dang kids were easy to blame at times, even the dog on occasion. (Don’t know why she/dog was in the dirty clothes hamper and pulled your bra out.)
Thanks for the story 🙂
I can totally relate to some of those almost getting caught stories- but that’s the best part…what a Rush..❤️❤️..
I feel like I’m totally missing out on something wonderful here, as I’ve never had to hide it. My mother gave me my older sister’s hand-me-downs to wear, (including her Catholic school dresses). Unfortunately, I couldn’t wear them to my Catholic school. (they frowned on girls like us).
The next year (3rd grade), we moved & I went to public school & my wardrobed changed drastically! I was pretty much all girl from that point on.
You are more of our wishful, would have been great stories. I will admit, now that I can look back, it had some memorable moments that will always be a part of what made me who I am today.
Thanks for the comment 🙂