The thrill is gone, or is it?

I’m feeling a bit different about my dressing the last few months. Something has changed and it’s not entirely bad. Oh, don’t worry, I’m not about to do a purge or something radical like that!

This feeling seems to be similar like the first marvelous highs of infatuation one gets with a new lover, then if all works out and you stay with the person and infatuation is replaced with something else deeper and more meaningful.

Make no mistake though it’s not like I’m new to this, as I have been dressing on and off since my first experiments with my mom’s bras, corsets and slips when I was about 12. Although I did give it up for a long time and then only dabbled with dressing for many years after that.

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However, it was around three years ago that Amy first really started to emerge from her male cocoon which brought with her a myriad of conflicts and anxieties. First the internal struggle as to what is happening to me? I felt like I was being pulled down a rabbit hole into a new world I’d only dreamed of before. I had thought how wonderful it might be to get fully and properly dressed and made up for over 20 years or even 30 years ago. I don’t really remember when that thought first came into my mind and it really doesn’t matter now I suppose. At the time I didn’t realize there was such a large community like this which I knew nothing about and was too afraid to go and look. All this was either pre internet or when it was in its early days of development.

What does matter is something inside of me needed to break through, and that was scary to say the least! Then my wife was so afraid she was going to lose me in some form and I was afraid I would lose her too. We have been like soulmates ever since our first date nearly 40 years ago. That all took some time to sort out, however, we did reach a happy equilibrium in our lives again.

While all that was happening, I was slowly spreading my feminine wings. New clothes, skirts, bras, tops, shopping in person and being rather terrified at doing it too. This all brings the kind of adrenalin rush one gets from other high risk activities. Then finding this site and through here chatting with and then eventually meeting other CD’s. It was such an exciting time of discovery for me!

Not that my life was in danger the way it might be driving fast through some mountain roads, or biking along a narrow path with a big drop off just waiting for you to make a mistake, but it is a similar kind of feeling. Certainly rather addictive in its own way too. So I kept pushing my femme self out. First closeted dinners with other CD’s, then solo mall trips, then restaurant meals completely on my own in busy places which all bring their own kind of rush.

Then as the discovery seems to be nearly complete, and many people now know about my rather gender fluid nature, but not everyone in my life by any means. Not that there aren’t things I still want to do in my femme life – like a femme holiday, or travelling to a conference like Keystone for instance. Love to do some of that once we are able to again.

I may never get to the point where I am fully open to all, but I also don’t feel like hiding anymore. This is what I am, and I truly, truly don’t want to offend anyone or get any abuse at all of any kind. I think of myself as a gentle soul and is easily hurt, so I don’t want to bring anything bad upon myself or my family either. However, if I somehow get outed or someone discovers “Amy”, I’ll deal with it in some way.

So what this is leading to now is the fact when I get ready to go out it isn’t the high it used to be. Like the wonderful sexy person you couldn’t wait to see again and have a roll around the hay with, but is now a warm and special person to spend time with and to give you a hug when you need it.

So in many respects I’ve gained so much over the last couple of years, but in a way lost a bit too. This is always the progression though most aspects of our life, things simply become part of the mosaic of our existence. The good and the bad too. Though the dressing has always been the good, even though it has evolved so much through the last 55 years or so, and I suppose I will continue to evolve and change. I also cannot believe it has been so long, but that is also part of life, growing older, and there are those who do not get to have that privilege.

The only small regret I have is not having discovered a way to let Amy out of her cocoon sooner, but I am where I am now, though some years ago living this double life would have been a lot more difficult on several levels. However, a motivated person can always find a way.
So now I enjoy getting dressed up whenever I can and then going out into the world as Amy.

  • What stage do you think you are at in your dressing?
  • Have you gone out en femme, and if so, how did it go?
  • How many of you find yourself in this situation that I find myself in?

Thank you girls for reading my article. Please feel free to send me a comment in regards to my writings or to answer one or more of the questions I’ve posed to you above!

Sincerely, Amy

 

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Olivia Livin
Trusted Member
1 year ago

Nicely put Amy, like yourself I’m in a good place of self comfort and contentment. As I’ve mentioned before, I put in alot of effort within the last few years to be honest with the people around me that matter including my entire family so that I could more easily present myself in a way that suited my feelings. I no longer get the same adrenaline rush….or need it, the excitement isn’t gone….just different. I don’t often even try to put myself together all girly to the extent of yourself and many others, we all have differing individual needs and… Read more »

Caty Ryan
Baroness
Active Member
1 year ago

Amy…. So well written…again…..Its also great that so many of our “mutual friends” have commented on your article.

Caty

Sara Thomassm
Active Member
1 year ago

I love you already do very much as I was reading it I said to myself I was at that point about a month ago, and I was thinking did I lose it do I not like it that’s why I’m having a hard time figuring it out. I live by myself I am an everyday dresser in the morning mostly. So I didn’t dress for a couple days and I realize I didn’t like what I was seeing in the morning I was missing you Sarah. And I’m beginning to think it’s not that we’re losing it we’re getting… Read more »

Amanda Woods
Active Member
1 year ago

Nicely put, I am 49 married to an awesome wife, love to dress and she is accepting which is a plus. I have dressed most of my life in private but been out as Amanda a couple of times. I wish I would not have cared so much in the early years, who know where I could be right now. But as I age the less I care about what others think, I am blessed beyond belief and count this site and all the wonderful ladies on here as a part of that blessing. I known I am rambling and… Read more »

Marie Chandler
Baroness
Trusted Member
1 year ago

Nicely written, Amy. I always enjoy your articles. This is a topic that I don’t feel I’ve heard discussed on CDH before. I think you are touching on an idea that I think about often, which is Hedonic Adaptation or sometimes called the hedonic treadmill. We desire things, we strive for them, we get them and then we adapt then we desire the next thing and start the cycle over. In essence, we’re never really satisfied. Like you, I’ve embraced my dressing more in the last few years and have had new breakthroughs with it. One of those was to… Read more »

Jennifer Mills
Duchess
Member
1 year ago

Very well put. I can easily relate to a somewhat similar feeling. What used to be an edgy daring excitement-filled experience has now become more like meeting an old friend and spending time to together. It’s not less fulfilling, but is still good in a comfortable way.

Jane Don
Active Member
1 year ago

I think as we age–we generally become more relaxed & balanced–

Triesste
Duchess
Member
1 year ago

Hi Amy Thank you for your article. You touch on some issues that don’t have easy answers. I have an article on the way which will explain my situation in more detail but, I am at kind of a crossroads with my dressing. For the past eight years, i’ve been part of a group event. I felt like I had a safety net-if anyone confronted me I could say, well I’m a member of this group. Now thanks partly to the virus situation, that event has become difficult to continue. The only way to keep going, is to be more… Read more »

Triesste
Duchess
Member
1 year ago
Reply to  Amy Myers

Thank you Amy. i tried to edit my comment-I didn’t want to be about myself so much. But i got a message that I could no longer edit. Yes, about that image thing-well since i started with our group, even though I’m probably the oldest member, I have been a TG person in an R, if not X-rated world. I ALWAYS come off as less experienced. I’m just not credible with the trashy thing. That said, I managed to squeeze myself into a very tight faux leather catsuit. it’s for a video project. But i FELT different too, if you… Read more »

Susan Sue
Duchess
Active Member
1 year ago

Very nice article Amy. I think a lot of us have gone through some of the same ups and downs. My first memories of trying on girls clothes was also when I was around 12. After hiding my desires to dress like a girl for a lifetime I finally got up the nerve to talk to my wife about it. I was very lucky. She was worried that I was going to go Bruce Jenner on her. I convinced her that wasn’t going to happen. Now she is very accepting of me. We have gone out together with me in… Read more »

Staci Green
1 year ago

I, too have noticed changes…subtle for sure, but changes nonetheless. I’m not sure if it’s our age but I definitely have become more bold by dressing and going out and doing things with many layers of clothes underneath like corsets bras with my inserts, then pants and definitely even though they’re flat, shoes feminine shoes… I’m not so afraid of being noticed, in fact I’m hoping one day I do get noticed a bra strap from a shirt panty lines on my Lane Bryant from pants, anything, something,… so I’m with you, a little confused and not too sure what… Read more »

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