I started Crossdressing in my teenage years. I would sneak into Mum’s room when she was not home and try on some clothes; loved the feel of Satin and Silk clothes.
This Continued when I moved out of home, but I am ashamed to say (now) that when I lived with female flat mates, I would go into their rooms to see what clothes they had, and if they fit I would try them on…(back then the temptation was too great.)
When I did not have female flat mates, I would have one or two articles of women’s clothing hidden in my room that would come out from time to time. Although they felt good to wear, it was more of sexual fetish.
Fast forward:11 years ago I married my wife. She was from another country; it was easy to keep my secret as she did not arrive here until two months before our wedding.
I kept my secret for the next 10 years, but the thrill of having so many women’s clothes in the house accelerated my crossdressing desires. I was always fearful I would get caught. Maybe I would not put something back in the correct place or stretch something that I had tried on. If caught, I would have to come clean about my crossdressing. Once, when I left something on the floor of our wardrobe that should have gone back into one of her drawers, I panicked and blamed the kids for it when she asked how it came to be there.
I took every chance possible to wear her panties and bras when I was home alone or even when it was just me the kids. From time to time, I would try on some of her other clothes, but we are quite different sizes, so there were few clothes that I could fit into.
It became clear to me that I needed to own up to my crossdressing before I got caught. I was so scared that I looked for help online. I managed to find someone who helped put my mind at ease. They shared there are many ways she could react rather than only deciding it would be the end of our marriage. Very Scary time!!
One school holiday, when the kids were at my Mum’s house, I came clean to my wife. I was so nervous about what her reaction was going to be. She sat down and listened to what I had to say. She took her time to absorb what I had just told her. She started crying, not because of what I had told her but because her first thought was that I was having an affair!
Once she gathered herself, she said they were just clothes and she was willing to try to adjust to what I wanted. I assured her I was not gay, nor did I want to live as a woman fulltime. I just found the experience of wearing women’s clothes exciting, and it made me feel alive and upbeat. Even today, on a bad day, I still feel better once I have some nice clothes on. We talked about what clothes I liked and didn’t like. She was surprised with some of my answers. For example, women’s shoes don’t generally interest me, but women’s boots do. I find them very exciting!
The next week was rough, Although I had been given the green light to dress up, she did not realise that I would do so every chance I got. Once the kids were in bed I would put on a skirt and top and sit and relax before going to bed. One night she made some comments about how silly I looked and asked if I needed to dress up every evening. This caused a bit of bad air between us for the next couple of days as I became a bit sulky. I thought I had been given permission to embrace my secret after been told she would adapt to me wearing women’s clothes. In hindsight, I should have eased into it, but I jumped full in straight away.
We are lucky parents. My Mum takes our kids for one week every school holiday, which allows us to relax after work rather than doing the normal chores when you have kids. When the kids are away, we normally take a night for ourselves and go out for dinner and come home for a few drinks. We find this time an opportunity to be more open with each other. This particular night, we had a good session discussing my crossdressing. She admitted to me that she also had a secret she wanted to share with me. She had been smoking from time to time. Given how she knew that it was something that I thoroughly disliked in any form, it was quite a surprise to me.
We made a trade; I would be allowed to crossdress when the kids were not here or had gone to bed and she would be allowed to have a smoke whenever she wanted. How could I refuse such an offer? As much as I do not like cigarettes and everything that goes with it, for me to be able to crossdress in my own house and for her to have something she wanted, it felt like a fair trade.
This is how we live our lives. The kids go to sleep and I get dressed up and she goes out for a cigarette.
I have a wardrobe, which has evolved over the last year from clothes that just fit me to clothes that are more my style and suit different combinations. She told me about the bargains that can be found in Op Shops. It is amazing some of the nice clothes you can pick up for bargain prices. As I got to understand my sizing in women’s clothes, I managed to purchase items that fit me better. The first half year after coming clean to my wife, I purchased anything that I thought would fit, just so I could get in and out of the shops quickly. Now I spend a bit more time judging the size, design, and fabric before deciding. I am pickier now.
A year into my crossdressing and I’m still learning and adapting my style from head to toe. The more I understand and become more comfortable with everything I learn about crossdressing and myself, the better I’ll get at perfecting my look.
Thank goodness there are sites like this one, which allow us all to come together and learn from each other’s experiences.
Latest posts by Sarah Lane (see all)
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Sarah, what a great story, and thank you for sharing it with us. Interesting trade off. I too dislike smoking entirely, but I would do the same kind of trade off if I was in the same position as you and your wife. I also did much the same as you for a time, I bought all sorts of clothes quickly, without trying them on or knowing if they will fit. Naturally lots of time they didn’t work out. So I am now much pickier in what I buy and of course I understand my sizing much better. I am… Read more »
Hey Amy, Thanks for reading my article. I think we struck a good deal and so far it has worked out well, she just expects me to be in Women’s clothes each evening or if the kids are away and now thinks nothing of it. Taking that next step with make up and then going out in public may require another trade off…………………Cross that bridge when we get to it. It was frustrating buying nice clothes only to find out they would not fit when I tired them on. Like you I am more balanced with what I shop for… Read more »
Telling store staff that’s it’s for you takes a bit of courage, but I also find it is much more relaxing and enlightening being honest.
There was one skirt I still sad about. Midi length, cream coloured with a black lace hem and something similar around the waist, but it was just a bit too small. My wife tried to alter it, but it didn’t work too well, so back to thrift store it went!
Amy
Hey Amy, I don’t think I am at that point to be able to tell store staff the clothes I am buying are for me but I suspect some already know. In my job I travel all over my region each week so now know where the good Op Shops are in the towns I visit. The same people behind the counter have seen me a few times now and I suspect based on the sizes I am buying they probably know. No one has said anything………..Yet!! Skirts are my favourite women’s clothing, so I feel your pain when you… Read more »
Hi Sarah… Thank you for sharing your ‘Trade-off’ story… I wonder how many more ‘secrets’ your wife has for you to exploit? I’ve been crossdressing from a very young age. Raided Mother’s panty/bra drawer from time to time. Didn’t have a sister to borrow clothes from. Married when I was 29. As with mom, I raided my wife’s underwear drawer frequently. As a shift worker most of my life, I had plenty of days at home by myself while she was out working. 56 now, and separated, I have my own place and am free to dress up at will.… Read more »
Hi Gen Thanks for reading my story. Funny enough there is one more thing my wife really really wants and I have been saying no to for the whole of our marriage. She wants a little dog. I am a cat person, probably because I had a paper run when I was a kid that took me through a neighbourhood full of dogs, so would often get chased. Plus dogs are so much more work than cats. But once again if I got to the point of wanting to venture out into the world as Sarah, and it took a… Read more »
A little puppy… naawww… I Love puppies/dogs… had 3 at one time. A Jack Russell Terrier (Jae-R), a Min-Pin (Doby), and a Shih Tzu (Max).
Yes, pupies/dogs are a lot of work… more so than cats (of which I Love also), however the emotional rewards outweigh the effort. In my opinion anyways…
Yup… keep the ‘Puppy’ card in your back pocket…
Great story, thank you for sharing. I also dress when my kids go to sleep. My wife knows about my dressing. She tolerates it rather than being supportive. Her fear is the kids finding out (there’s been a couple of close calls) . I have a home camera to watch for them getting up unexpectedly. I love those rare times when I have the house completely to myself
Hey Pauline. Thanks for reading my story. Like you my wife is scared of the kids finding out. I have told here that there will come a time when they will know. I keep my clothes, boots, wigs in a wardrobe in the Study. I changed the door handle to so it had a lock on it and I put the key on top of a photo frame in the study. The other day I came home and my wife said the boys had found a secret key and had unlocked the door. They are young enough to no click… Read more »
Great article and I would give just about anything that might create a trade off that would let me dress openly at home. I came out years ago to my wife and she absolutely hated the idea. She gave me a choice of her or dressing as I wanted to. I love my wife and do not want to leave her, so I decided to crawl back into the closet where I have been for so many years now. It has not been terribly difficult until the pandemic as I now cannot dress at home and have no where to… Read more »
Hey Janice. So sad to hear your time to dress has been cut back due to the Covid. I can imagine your story is the same for many in the Northern Hemisphere, and with winter coming could get worse. We are very luck being in a small country we have managed to keep Covid under control and we are now back to living normally. It is also sad that your wife will not allow even just a little bit of Crossdressing to happen but I have to think back to when I told my wife last year and try to… Read more »
This is such a universal experience for us – I can totally relate to the anxiety and guilt of borrowing your wife’s clothes! I’m glad things seem to be moving in the right direction (though hopefully she doesn’t do too crazy with the smoking. Unlike crossdressing, that could legitimately be harmful…).
Hey Alexis.
We had another drinking session the other night while the kids were away for School Holidays. She is going to try vaping instead of smoking so I guess this is probably a little better ( don’t really know too much about it all )
She brought some yesterday so I guess I’ll know in the next couple of days if this is something she moves to.
Sarah
Thank you for this article. I can really relate, but I will never tell my wife of my dressing desires. You are one brave and lucky Crossdresser.
Hey Vanity.
Why won’t you tell your wife?
Sarah
It would destroy my marriage. I would rather live a secret than break her heart
I tried to years ago. It didn’t go over very well so I just do my dressing in private.
You are brave and I admire you for doing it. It must feel so good to finally have that out in the open
I totally understand your situation. Yes for me it is such a huge relief that it is out in the open and that she now accepts that this is part of our lives now. Scariest time of my life though when I decided to tell my wife.
I’m glad things went better than you thought they might. My question is, has anything changed in your marriage. My wife know I have womens clothes and we have done this dance more times than we should have. She now sleeps in the spare room. We aren’t romantic at all. Why would I stay? Well, I do love her and I love living with my son. But sooner or later, things will come to a head and I hope that she can understand, that’s who I am.
Marlie
Hey Marlie Sad to hear what is happening between you and your wife. Was this because of the Crossdressing or other things? If anything I think our marriage is stronger now then before. We are both not keep secrets from each other now and although my wife really does not like talking about my Crossdressing that much she does help me with style for clothes, brands, sizes and other fashion tips. We have two young boys ( 7 and 5 ) so being a family really keeps us strong. I grew up without my Dad and I do not want… Read more »
Hey Sarah, it is totally the crossdresssing that is the issue. She doesn’t want to be in a relationship with a woman. She has said that if we split up, we will remain friendly and she would give me advice as a friend. But not as a wife. She flat out told me the decision is mine to make. I don’t want to break up our family.
Hey Marlie. Sad to hear that there appears to be no compromise in your relationship. Your situation was what I was fearful of happening to my family when I came out to my wife.
Hearing your and others situation’s on this site make me realise how lucky I am to have what I have been allowed to do.
I completely understand not wanting to break up your Family.
Sarah
Just wanted to say thank for your story and so happy for you it turned out pretty well in the “trade off”.I think I would give into pretty much anything if my wife let me dress feminine.Its been a long time from I got dressed up unfortunately
Hey Katie…….Cool name, I have always liked Kate, Katie.
It is interesting, although my wife after I told her my secret, was happy it was just Crossdressing and not another women, I wonder what it would be like if she did not have a secret to share with me. Would she still see me dressing up in the evening as just normal for our life now or not?
Does you wife know you like to dress up?
Sarah
Hi Sarah! just guickly logged in and your awesome profile,story, and everything you mentioned was so right.im right with you girl.ill be getting right back to you after shower and getting all sexy comfortable.
I enjoyed reading this. The trade made sense, you both got something out of it.
I wish I had more to add, but right now my mind draws a blank at this moment.
Boy I hate it when you can’t think of anything. Watch after I hit submit, Ideas would hit me like a brick.
Thanks for commenting. The trade has been good for both of us as she was sneaking a smoke every now and again. Better to be up front and deal with the consequences together then keeping secrets.