The untold story of Lily-Rose
Hi, all lovely ladies at Crossdresser Heaven. I’ve only been a member for a short time. I’ve been learning so much about myself. I’ve never considered myself being transgender, until now, even though I’ve been transgender all my life. Now I’m proud of it. It’s such a lovely feeling to walk around with a big smile on my face. Luckily, nobody has asked me why I’m smiling; what shall I answer them? I will just tell them I feel good!
There’s so many pieces falling into place. I started dressing up at my grandma’s when I was about 4 years old. There’s even a photo of me, from that occasion, somewhere. When I was around 10 and I was home sick, I locked myself in in my parents’ bedroom and put on my mother’s nylon stockings and bra and something I don’t remember over that.
At first my dressing was in my mother’s clothes and then when I got my own apartment, I bought the clothes that I loved for myself. From mail order to eventually going to the stores myself, it was a little bit scary worrying at what the salesperson might say about a boy buying woman’s clothes? I soon learned that they didn’t say anything and let me buy without any questions.
Not so long ago I bought a skirt and the saleswoman asked me if I wanted to try it on, I was so startled about being asked. “Me, No,” I said and paid for the skirt and left. I should’ve said, “Yes Please.” How would she had reacted if I’d said that.
All my life, it’s been easy to have girls as friends. Until I was 12, I think most of my friends were girls. As a teenager, I found it difficult to get girlfriends. They loved me as a friend, but not as my girlfriend. I continued to have plenty of girls as friends, sometimes very good friends, you know like really best friends, but nothing closer.
When I was 18, I was very much in love with a girl, but the same thing happened there as well. Eventually, I did find a woman with whom I fell in love with. When we moved in together, I tossed away all my women’s clothing. Just before I threw them away, she found a plastic bag with worn out stockings and asked what that was in front of her children. I managed to explain to her that I had them for polishing shoes, which in fact they are very good at.
It went well for a while with me not dressing up. We were married for around 17 years. I missed dressing up, so I started borrowing her clothes when I was alone at home. I went abroad to work for 6 months. While I was there, I bought women’s clothing again. That went well because nobody knew me. I took all the clothes home with me and thought I’d hidden them well. My wife found out and all hell broke loose.
At the time I somehow managed to rescue our marriage, but it was never the same again and eventually we got divorced (I don’t know if it was because of me crossdressing.) I began to buy women’s clothing again, only this time more seriously. I have more women’s clothing than I think most women do. I’m not at all interested in looking and buying male clothes and have never been. I can look at women’s clothing for hours and even buy fashion magazines.
I wasn’t off the hook yet. I was foolish enough to take photos of myself in a ball gown with my phone. I deleted the photos but forgot to erase them form the folder “erased.” My son, 20 at that time, wanted to copy the photos from my phone. Now, for the second time all hell broke loose when he saw in the ball gown. Somehow, I managed to ease his mind, and I had to promise to “never do it again”. We all know my obedience with that promise. We are still talking, though I think that he suspects that I am still dressing up.
Now, I look back at my life and understand why I was like that, me being just friends with the girls. Somehow, I think they saw me as a woman, in essence maybe. The term transgender did not exist where I lived in the 1970’s and 80’s. We were called transvestites and not in a kind way. I have come to terms with being transgender. Of course, I realize now that I’ve always been transgender. I really like it because that’s who I am!
I’ve learned to differentiate between gender and sexual preference. I consider myself to be a MTF Transgender who is attracted to women only. At first, it was a very weird feeling. I thought “transgender lesbian – can you really be that?” But after a lot thinking and looking back and analyzing my life, it fits perfectly.
I wonder if my friends would understand the real reason that I have lost a lot of weight lately. It’s because I want to fit into a dress on order from the internet; I’m I bit too large to at the moment. Do all girls behave like this?
This is my way of coming out, sharing it with you. I believe there’s more to come now that all pieces have fallen into place. I want to get better at doing makeup and to learn how to dress for going out either alone or with others to accompany me. My greatest wish would be to find a woman who would accept me. It might take pure luck to find such a woman.
I have recently “created” my female alter ego Lily-Rose. She has her own apple-id, exists on Facebook, twitter, and Instagram. She even has her own phone number. So much more is instore for this lovely woman, who is me.
Lily-Rose
More Articles by Lily-Rose Nielsen
Lily-Rose Nielsen
Latest posts by Lily-Rose Nielsen (see all)
- The transgender story of Lily-Rose - January 2, 2021
Some amazing stories, im glad ive found other people like myself as ive tried to deny it but I just can’t stop dressing as a woman.
Hi Thanks for reading my story. I have denied that I’m transgender/crossdressing, even though I’ve known it since early puberty. I’ve felt that I was different, but because of the way things were when I was young in the 60s and 70s, I’ve denied my feelings. But this autumn it was like a preasure cooker bursting with a loud bang and I felt that I could understand how my life has been and all pieces falling into place. And then I really accepted that I am transgender. It was very emotional, a lot of anxiety came out, my coworkers asked… Read more »
I’ve always known I was different but used to live in cloud cuckoo land. I’ve accepted that yes I dress as a woman yes I love feeling beautiful and yes I may want to be a woman. Im thinking of taking hormones as I want my body to be more femme and I want my bulge to be smaller or non existent
Hi Lily-Rose. Loved your story – so much resonates. I have two wisHes for your in 2021; (10 that you find the accepting woman you are looking for, and (2) that you come out fully to your son and he accepts you for the person you are. I am sure he will. Robyn x
Thank you for reading my story. Much has happened since I wrote the the article. I have come out to my son, he said he was proud of me for coming out. And I have come out to my closest coworkers, all women, And there wasn’t much drama there. All they said was “I’m not surprised” somehow they had suspected that there was something about me, one of them had a suspicion that I was gay because I acted so feminine, and she was not all that wrong. I have no idea what makes women think I actually am a… Read more »
I’ve Always wanted to wear pretty clothes and be a strong woman and feel beautiful and maybe be desired and lusted after
I can’t deny the feeling
That feeling is the most powerful feeling I’ve ever felt and just looking at a woman makes me want to be one and certainly dress as one. Im so glad when my tights or stockings glide over my smooth legs and that feeling when you pull knickers on and whip that bra around and it holds your breasts in place instead of them wobbling all over
Such an amazing inspiration of a story. I have come to realise after 37 years that I am non binary and struggle to get to a place where I can talk to friends and family.
I do hope you meet that Special woman who loves you for who you are, but in the meantime keep being fabulous and thank you for sharing your story with us.
I’ve gradually come to terms with being me, I’ve not made the big step of stepping outside dressed but it will happen. I just want to look beautiful and be as convincing as much as I can. Also I need to buy me some high heels as I dream of tottering around on the highest heels I can walk in. I’ve ordered some more beautiful clothes and as soon as they come ill be posting some pics. Im so excited about that. Im regularly shaving and when I can waxing my smooth body. I’ve bought some shapewear so ill have… Read more »
Hi Gareth Thanks for reading my story. In order to meet the woman that loves me for what/who I am I have to get out of my closet. And I’ve gotten an appointment to a psychologist at the “gender care”. And I will ask if there are an LBTQ group in my area and how to contact them. I hope I can meet like-minded people there. As of now I almost don’t know any transgender/crossdresser in Sweden. I’ve only had contact with two Swedes here at CDH. So I have to wait and see what the future will bring to… Read more »
Hi Lily-Rose
You may enjoy the article I wrote about “Why We Crossdress”.
I started at age 3- similar to you. I now know that it is due to an “Estrogen wash in utero”. It is biological and we have no choice but to follow it. We might as well enjoy it because “it ain’t going anywhere”. Hope you find a mate who will celebrate your “difference” instead of making you feel bad about it.
Love
Abby
Hi
Thanks for reading my story. I will absolutely read your article. What you wrote sounds superintresting. Now I’m very content with who I am. And I really agree with “it ain’t going nowhere “ It’s has always been there and now I don’t want it to go away, I love it❤️
Lots of Hugs
Lily-Rose
great story and sorry about all the trouble it caused you. I have been x dressing for many years, I started at age about 10, had to wear nylons in a school play. i was hooked from there. long story short. i have been x dressing since then and was on and off. then got married and loved the dresses my wife had. I put them on when she was at work, then came make up, perfume, ear rings, nylons. I became the real person I should of been. a female. I also buy my own dresses, nylons, make up,… Read more »
Hi
Thanks for reading my story. ❤️ As I wrote in the article I have never been really interested in men’s clothing. I wear almost the same kind of men’s clothing I was wearing when I was 15. But on the other hand it’s much more fun to buy woman’s clothing, There are so much more to choose from. I really like that. And next time I go buying a dress I think I will ask if I can try it on, and se what the reaction will be.
Lots of Hugs
Lily-Rose
Lily-Rose,
Our stories are similar and sense a feeling of freedom and gratitude that you now have the freedom to live your truth. I look forward to seeing you in the Chat Room.
Hi and thank you for reading my story ❤️ I think I understand that my story in no way is unique. I have seen people from all over the world telling the same story. I have, like so many other, been living in shame and denial for so long. Now that I have accepting myself for who I really am it’s much easier to stand up feeling proud for being transgender. By the way I used to be in the chat when I joined CDH. But lately I have been operated for incarcerated inguinal hernia and to many things haven’t… Read more »
Hi Lily-Rose While it’s not a competition at all, this has been my worst year ever. First I fell into an alligator-infested lake (see Channel 10 news in South Florida, July 22nd) to getting an encephalitis and encephalopathy, to having to get CT scans and many doctor visits and many therapy sessions with all sorts of physical and mind therapists and only beginning to be able to function. But, I still love to be Abby and will for the rest of whatever life I have left. Thanks for your article and I hope you’re recovered from your medial trials Hugs… Read more »
Hi Abby
Thank you for reading my story ❤️❤️
What a horrible experience to fall into an alligator infested lake. I can’t imagine the terror you must have felt. Encephalitis and encephalopathy does not sound not sound good at all to me. Is your encephalopathy secondary to the encephalitis? As you said, this is not a competition, but your problems are far more serious than mine. Hope you have recuperated from the encephalitis.
Lots of Hugs
Lily-Rose
Thank you, Lily-Rose. While it was extremely scary, I’m now in great shape. Have lost 80 pounds and exercise regularly. I’ll probably have to get a new wardrobe- what a pain(??).
I’m so happy to read this article. I learned that we have more in common. I am really happy that we have become friends. Sorry, that I haven’t been around much lately. You’ll be happy to hear that I have been fully dressing every day since I have been getting so many new clothes and shoes lately. I haven’t presented as a female in public since my first time but I have been wearing my forms and blouses under my coat when I go out. Skinny jeans are my go to attire when I change out of my skirt or… Read more »
You have a wonderfully positive attitude. I love when you say “and all the pieces falling into place”. I feel like all the fear, shame and abuse you experienced were the things that made you strong for whatever was yet to come You helped make it better for those who follow.