There I was, 13 or maybe 14, I had the whole world figured out. I was going to be a soldier, marry a beautiful loving woman, and live happily ever after. Wait, maybe it was – I was going to be a beautiful soldier, marry a handsome loving man, and live happily ever after. Damn, in my old age I forget which one it was supposed to be.
What I do remember at a very young age is sneaking out some of my mom’s underwear to try on and feeling that they were so much better feeling than my “tightie whities”. I got caught doing just that by my mom and was badly shamed by her for doing it.
So of course, like most of us, I suppressed those feelings as being bad or immoral. Throughout the following years, I had brief moments where I could dress with one girlfriend or another who would think it was a “cute fetish” of mine. But Candice Foxx was there waiting to be let out of her suppressed or dark hole.
Fast forward – I lived part of my world when I became a soldier and served for 22 years. It was great time and a dark time as well. Not because of war or anything like that, but because I never felt whole. I knew a part of me just wasn’t right. I turned to drinking and partying and boy were those some wild and crazy nights! But when all alone, I was still there looking at myself and wondering what was I missing?
I did meet a beautiful, wonderful woman and married her. We had a difficult time and a wonderful time. I was still suppressing what I was and drinking a lot. But we stayed together and somehow persevered. After a long period of time, I did a whole lot of soul searching about why I never felt “whole”. I concluded I must be gay. After all, I wanted to wear all the silky stuff that my wife had so that must be it. If I wanted to be dressed just as she was, I must want the same sexual desires, right? So, I did what I thought was the right thing and told my wife of 20 years that I was gay.
Surprisingly, my wife was super supportive. We started going to marriage therapy and things seemed to be going well, but something just didn’t feel right.
I started to do some of my own research and reading and realized that I wasn’t really attracted to men after all, but I just wanted to be more feminine. Wow! What a relief! I couldn’t wait to tell my wife. I knew in my heart and mind this was right. I started remembering all the times I got to dress and the wonderful feelings that gave me and knew I was right this time. So I told my wife and things didn’t go well at all.
She could not accept my will to cross dress and explore the feminine side of my life. We are now separated and waiting on a divorce. Wanting another man wasn’t enough to break up our marriage, however, wanting to be a woman or at least present myself like one was enough to break up our marriage. This is not a story to elicit sympathy or to warn people of this life. This is just me letting the last bad air out and wondering how different everything might have been if I had found some place or someone supportive, warm, and loving way back when in a world that was.
Now girls, what I would love to ask you is when you came out to your wife or significant other and admitted to her that you were a cross dresser just what kind of reaction did you get from her. Did it eventually lead to a separation or a divorce? Was she fairly accepting with certain limitations placed on your cross dressing? Or was she totally supportive and accepting of your thrill of cross dressing and even wanted to help you in becoming a better cross dresser with an even more feminine look and might even go shopping with you while you were in femme mode?
Thanks for reading my article and I look forward to your responses to my questions!