There I was, 13 or maybe 14, I had the whole world figured out. I was going to be a soldier, marry a beautiful loving woman, and live happily ever after. Wait, maybe it was – I was going to be a beautiful soldier, marry a handsome loving man, and live happily ever after.  Damn, in my old age I forget which one it was supposed to be.

What I do remember at a very young age is sneaking out some of my mom’s underwear to try on and feeling that they were so much better feeling than my “tightie whities”. I got caught doing just that by my mom and was badly shamed by her for doing it.

So of course, like most of us, I suppressed those feelings as being bad or immoral. Throughout the following years, I had brief moments where I could dress with one girlfriend or another who would think it was a “cute fetish” of mine.  But Candice Foxx was there waiting to be let out of her suppressed or dark hole.

Fast forward – I lived part of my world when I became a soldier and served for 22 years. It was great time and a dark time as well.  Not because of war or anything like that, but because I never felt whole.  I knew a part of me just wasn’t right.  I turned to drinking and partying and boy were those some wild and crazy nights!  But when all alone, I was still there looking at myself and wondering what was I missing?

I did meet a beautiful, wonderful woman and married her.  We had a difficult time and a wonderful time. I was still suppressing what I was and drinking a lot. But we stayed together and somehow persevered.  After a long period of time, I did a whole lot of soul searching about why I never felt “whole”.  I concluded I must be gay.  After all, I wanted to wear all the silky stuff that my wife had so that must be it.  If I wanted to be dressed just as she was, I must want the same sexual desires, right?  So, I did what I thought was the right thing and told my wife of 20 years that I was gay.

Surprisingly, my wife was super supportive. We started going to marriage therapy and things seemed to be going well, but something just didn’t feel right.

I started to do some of my own research and reading and realized that I wasn’t really attracted to men after all, but I just wanted to be more feminine.  Wow!  What a relief!  I couldn’t wait to tell my wife.  I knew in my heart and mind this was right.  I started remembering all the times I got to dress and the wonderful feelings that gave me and knew I was right this time.  So I told my wife and things didn’t go well at all.

She could not accept my will to cross dress and explore the feminine side of my life. We are now separated and waiting on a divorce.  Wanting another man wasn’t enough to break up our marriage, however, wanting to be a woman or at least present myself like one was enough to break up our marriage.  This is not a story to elicit sympathy or to warn people of this life.  This is just me letting the last bad air out and wondering how different everything might have been if I had found some place or someone supportive, warm, and loving way back when in a world that was.

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Now girls, what I would love to ask you is when you came out to your wife or significant other and admitted to her that you were a cross dresser just what kind of reaction did you get from her. Did it eventually lead to a separation or a divorce? Was she fairly accepting with certain limitations placed on your cross dressing? Or was she totally supportive and accepting of your thrill of cross dressing and even wanted to help you in becoming a better cross dresser with an even more feminine look and might even go shopping with you while you were in femme mode?

Thanks for reading my article and I look forward to your responses to my questions!

Sincerely, Candice

 

 

 

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Candice Foxx

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16 Comments
  1. Holly Christmas 3 months ago

    I had no desires to dress when I was young quite the opposite. My wife was horrified when I first asked about wearing knickers and shaving underarms and genital region. I tried to understand my feelings and urges but failed. I have tried suppressing all those feelings but they keep coming back. My wife is now sort of supportive though she prefers it if I dress in male attire! We remain together and she is supportive most of the time!
    So its small steps without so many egg shells.
    Strange how something so harmless evokes such extreme reaction in a lot of people both men and women

  2. Ivy 3 months ago

    I tried on pantyhose and bras when I was little and as I got older I found I wanted to wear women’s clothes but I wasn’t able to go any farther than pantyhose due to my kids coming to visit so I didn’t want to have dresses and things in my closet. Fast forward to three years ago and I met my wife. At first I didn’t let her know but I would get her tights and hose, lingerie those things. I think she had an idea but wasn’t sure till one night she saw me with a pair of the tights on. I thought she would freak but she didn’t. She has been so supportive and I truly don’t think I would have came as far as I have without her support. We have even went out together with me dressed. Well that’s my story I hope it helps.

  3. Petra Y 3 months ago

    I have had this urge forever it seems. My first wife found out and was not at all accepting. My second wife istarted hinting at being a cd very early on in our relation ship. Then I just outright told her and she seemed ok with it. The next step was to show her but I told her before I dressed so she was not surprised by finding me this way. It all worked out very well and at the moment I am dressed and she is sitting in the living room.

  4. Christine V 3 months ago

    Good article, and thankyou for your service! I never once doubted that I was attracted to women, but I never understood why I wanted to wear women’s clothes. My ex wasnt supportive neither and she is the only one I ever told. I know exactly how you feel in that respect! I hope you have found some peace in being who you are!

  5. Petra Smyth 3 months ago

    There are many of us who were in the military, had careers in law enforcement etc. attempting to be masculine but knowing something is different. Same here. I came out to my wife last year and it took some time. Before revealing my femme side, I was difficult to deal with. Depressed, irritable etc. Now that I’m able to be Petra occasionally, I’m happy, laid back, and our marriage is better than ever. My wife buys me clothes, does my make up, we shop together and our sex lives are great, even when I’m dressed. I reflect about how great and accepting she’s been, and I tear up. I’ve only been in public once dressed, and she’s not ready to accompany me, but we plan to go out dressed on Halloween.

  6. Patricia Marie Allen 2 months ago

    When I came out…

    I was caught. I had not even really begun deal with my desire to wear women’s clothes. I had convinced myself that after I was married it would all go away… not. What really happened was that I now had access to a fully complete woman’s wardrobe.

    I found myself back in to the habit of “borrowing” clothes without permission. At first I was content with waiting until I was home alone. Then an unreasonable urge hit me and I began quickies while she was there. It was kind of like Russian roulette. My luck ran out rather quickly and she walked in on me fully dressed in her clothes.

    I was bright enough to know that it wasn’t going away… the sure cure didn’t work. I got married and still wanted to wear the clothes.

    In the end, she said, “Do it if you must, just don’t let me see it.” We agreed I could go into the bedroom and shut the door and wear what ever I wanted with the door shut.

    Over the years the boundaries were expanded gradually. After 45 years it’s been nearly a complete turn around. I only have a smattering of men’s clothes; one pair of pants and two shirts. Everything else in my closet is straight off the woman’s rack. About a third of that is far enough on the butch side that people who need to can see them as men’s clothes. I often wear the more feminine clothes around the house and definitely when I go to the doctor or grocery shopping. I go shopping fully dressed and try on. I’ve been to a variety of restaurants near our house.

    I’m two years into HRT, but don’t plan on any surgery. I can’t afford it. The only thing I’d want anyway is top surgery. To paraphrase Lacy Leigh, “I have no intention of owning a car, so there’s no need to build a garage. ” I’m also have electrolysis to get rid of my beard.

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