It’s been so long ago now that I opened the curtains of my home playpen. The furthest distance I would travel dressed authentically, as Char, was around the “inside” of my home with the lights low, the curtains closed, and the door locked. I called this my playpen.
Glancing backward, I remember the cramped four by four foot mesh sided cage I lived in which was also called a playpen. This Week’s Reset idea is one key factor that continues to move the edges of my playpen further expanded than I once imagined I even wanted, or thought was possible for me.
My big vision then was walking “unafraid” to the local post office and back during daylight hours. I can throw a stone, and if the wind is right, hit the local post office from my back yard. The day I accomplished this walk my playpen expanded. I walked over, collected my mail, spoke with the locals who meandered in while I was there and walked home, slowly and intentionally mostly relaxed.
There were growth steps in between, but, the next big leap was going to the closest neighboring town. A half hour away with a population of around 2200 people. First, I only went into selective shops where I knew with certainty, having had phone conversations with them, that friendly people who liked me a knew me prior to my emergence, worked. My expansion shifted again.
Next, was going to the big city. It has a population of a couple hundred thousand maybe; not huge, but most definitely big enough to bring fear bubbling to the surface with a volcanic action at times. Into the big box stores where a few staff know me; always with safety in mind. The expansion continues.
I received a call a short time ago, maybe two months. The voice at the other end is a custom home builder friend I once worked with. My friend is now operating a senior’s facility of over 600 suites spread over three buildings. I was asked if I was interested in doing some work renovating rooms and general beautifying of the spaces.
So, the first day inside I am wearing skinny jeans, tank top with pink n purple sketcher sneakers; as above. Meet n greet with staff was a breeze; as we walk the corridors looking for things in need of TLC I was introduced to many of the residents there.
Fast forward a couple of weeks, I have returned to the center a few times now. I have a few people call me by name, Char which I love hearing and introduce myself as. But also, what brought about the biggest grin for me was as the days progressed with the work, and my mind wanted to think old thoughts of judgment etc, many of the peeps would come by the room I worked in just to chat; sometimes 4 or 5 at a time were gathered.
As I am working, they chat among themselves, my little coffee row private audience, and I overhear them saying things like “she’s doing a great job eh? she’s making the place look really good. I’m so glad they have her here doing this for us. One elderly fella slowly stood up and said, “well, I gotta go, see ya Ma’am, thank you for your work Hon” and he sauntered off down the hall.
What’s the key? I have been practicing “Feeling” how I want to feel all the time. Accepted, cared about, appreciated, even loved. I have found that the more I practice feeling those things, however I can generate them, the more people around me reflect back to me by their actions toward me, my own, self-generated feeling tone.
In other words, the more I feel “self accepting” and stop shrinking in fear or hiding. The more I feel worthy of appreciation, and the more I feel lovable, regardless of gender identity or presentation, the more I am treated with appreciation, acceptance; even love and respect.
As I walked through the place with my chin up, my beautiful breasts leading the way in the snug ¾ T, my back straight and ash blond ponytail bouncing high, I feel my hips naturally swing with zero effort. Folks say hello as I pass by and I smile wishing them an Amazing day because…
I Feel Amazing! They called me She because, inside, I called me she. . .
Thank you for reading Your Weekly Reset and thank you for being exactly who you are!
Namaste’
n huggles my friends, thank you for reading Your Weekly Reset; I am grateful.
Char
More Articles by Char
- Happy Holidays?
- Are you willing to feeel goood?
- Getting back to normal?
- Something to Celebrate
- True freeedom exists!
Latest posts by Char (see all)
- Happy Holidays? - December 20, 2021
- Are you willing to feeel goood? - August 19, 2021
- Getting back to normal? - July 7, 2021
- Something to Celebrate - June 30, 2021
- True freeedom exists! - May 5, 2021
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believing is an important step so glad you are out there
Me too and Thank you Soibahn Noir! It’s been a heck of a ride getting from the tiny playpen to a bigger one and there’s more to come too hahaha
I love expanding hahaha
Namaste’
dear soul
n huggles fr you
Char
Thank you Char,
I love the reset. I always look for it and always benifit from your words, courage and generous open spirit. So happy for you that you have made that life for yourself. When I see your pics I see genuine happiness and it gives me hope that I may someday be able to leave my “cage” more often (than twice this year). Thank you my sister.
XX
Kim
Hehehe Oh how I gently encourage you Kim, “Always” in safety of course okay.. I am genuinely thrilled with the steps I have gained since “deciding” to no longer accept shame and guilt as a staple diet for my emotions. A really good, 265lb heterosexual, champion body builder friend once said to me, “Own it” and I have been practicing doing that ever since, I am gaining ground hehehe The lock on the cage door is on the inside,,,be gentle with you dear and peek out as you feel inspired to in safety. I adore your journey Kim, you are… Read more »
Thank you such a great and insightful article. So many, many times our own fear is the worst enemy, but it is learning when its’ rational, and when its’ not, and how to deal with it that is the key.
Your success gives so many others the courage to go and be themselves.
Amy
Awe Thaaank you Amy, tears girl, I just love this life I am creating now, after so many years of suffering and repression omg
I have a little quote on my wall that says, “The Fear is Real, but the Why is a Lie” hehe It reminds me to challenge my minds programmed thoughts sometimes haha
Thank you for saying Amy, I Am Grateful for you Dear
Namaste’
n huggles for you Amy
Char
Great as always Char! Believe in yourself or the world never will!
Cyn
BINGO!! hahaha Thaank You Cyn, and that is a journey unto itself as we both know hahaha and one I am grateful for more every day I have to say!!
Thanks for being you Cyn, we gotta visit one day I think haha
Namaste’
n huggles
Char
You ‘ll have to come to the US-Canada doesn’t want me to visit cause I had a DUI lol. You should come to Keystone in March or Esprit in May!
Cyn
Buggar, well, haha I’ll certainly consider that offer Cyn hehe Think the current chief will let me across? haha I hear some cdns are being refused entree for five years at the borders discretion. lol
Cyn, I like that comment, Believe in yourself…. As obvious as it seems, it isn’t so easy to do, and many of us don’t, or can’t. That has been one of my struggles over the years, mostly not anything to with this, but other things in my life particularly when I was younger.
Amy
Amy, it took me years-even decades- and it’s still a work in progress. But I am telling more folks about Cyn and letting her show some even in “stealth Cyn mode” – to the point where even when not in full Cyn mode, I get ma’amed fairly often.
Cyn
now days I get can I help you miss or you ladies? lol I went to the city today and did some shopping. I have a new hair dew with bangs, full make up and 2″ heels on my leather boots. I was scared going into the shop but within a few strides I was walking tall n proud letting my hips naturally lead the way. I opened my coat and owned the look, it was wonnnnnderful! Every time I do this, I feel my self respect, confidence and self love expand ; i mean, it’s really palpable and I… Read more »