The purity and cuteness of babies makes people talk in quite funny ways, turning them into blubbering adults – coochie-coo! Terms such as cherub, angel and many others are used with love and affection when referring to babies. Being a child has such innocence attached to it; a time when we are a blank canvas ready to learn about the world and everything in it. Or maybe, it’s not quite that simple?
Influences we trust and believe in
We grow up trusting our parents above anyone. From birth, your parents will teach and demonstrate much to you that will form the basis of your beliefs and ideas of who you are – consciously and subconsciously. Socio-economic influences may play a part in that or not. Certainly, what we see around us and through the media will provide external opinions and beliefs that we may adopt but without any guarantees.
It’s no wonder that we can find ourselves some years later wondering just who we are? I have seen many stories painstakingly written describing of feelings of guilt, shame, self-disapproval, depression and the list continues with an endless chain of emotions and inner struggle.
What I will go on to say, may apply only to those who were born around 25 years ago or longer, but, I may be wrong as it can be naive to generalise about some things. I am going to suggest an alternative way of looking at your life, albeit in retrospect. To be able to accept who you are requires a degree of understanding of what has happened during your lifetime. Instead of accepting the process that I outlined at the start, I would like you to adopt a new perspective in place of that.
You may have spent many hours thinking about what makes you the way you are, or questioning why? Searched for a sense of meaning that will allow you to deal with your feelings and enjoy your life instead of living a troubled existence. Perhaps, simply being able to be yourself and live in the way that you wish. In essence, admitting who or what you are and living as you choose. There are many levels that we are able to endure a great deal, due to work or family pressures, but that doesn’t mean that we are happy with our life.
Learning to change your point of view
Who or what you are is not the key here, my example is in relation to being Transgender, an Ambassador and editor on the sister site TGH, while the way of thinking and perception I suggest, can apply to anyone.
Have you ever thought any of the following: Who or what am I? Am I transgender? Has my feminine side become stronger? I am in the wrong body? Why is this happening to me? Perhaps those feelings have developed over time, or been with you for as long as you can recall?
What if those feelings are exactly the ones you were born with and not ones that have developed over time? Feelings that have been clouded, swamped and suppressed by everything you’ve been taught, learned or experienced from childhood? Could that have resulted in difficulties in relationships, prevented you from being happy, or being able to feel loved and love fully in return, or just feeling good about yourself?
Personally, I can’t see why this may not be a possibility at all. Once I was able to understand and accept who and what I am, my life began to make sense at last. While I am thankful that I have almost completed my journey, I have never stopped thinking about my past, present or future life. Once it began to feel like all the pieces had fallen into the right places, allowing me to enjoy being ‘me’ at last, was when I realised that I had been this person all along. Should it have been such a surprise? I can only answer that with a Yes and No! It seems a little obvious now, with a wry smile on my face, and then again – Not!
I urge you to spend some time and reflect upon your life to date. It is possible to calm that storm in you mind if you can devote the time, care and energy to finding your own true self. With self-acceptance comes happiness and a peace of mind that you may never have experienced before. It will not happen overnight and like many worthwhile aspects of life, it takes time to find that key. No matter how long it may take, I want to give you hope and faith that it is possible for anyone. It is simply out there, waiting for you to discover it for yourself. Like your deepest hidden feelings and beliefs and your inner self, it has been there since you first opened your eyes as a child. To find and release it will require an open minded approach, somewhat childlike maybe. Why should that be a bad thing, when that was a stage when your mind was pure, clean and unpolluted. The point at which we all started from!
My final thought I share with you
Perhaps the answer is to stop questioning all those doubts and feelings. Begin to learn, understand and accept them, know who and what you are. Maybe then, the healing process will commence. Acceptance can unlock the parts within you that you seek.
More Articles by The Author
- Taking Responsibility for Yourself
- Believing in Love
- Committed to Transition
- Mourning for yourself
- A Mindful Heart
Latest posts by Sophie Frenchie (see all)
- Taking Responsibility for Yourself - February 16, 2021
- Believing in Love - February 12, 2021
- Committed to Transition - January 17, 2021
- Mourning for yourself - January 16, 2021
- A Mindful Heart - January 9, 2021
Hi Sophie I loved your article. It is very inspiring for sure. Acceptance came very hard for me. I refused to believe how I felt about my feelings was real. I had i male body to prove what society told me was true. Every where i have been in my life they looked and greeted me as sir. I have gone up to my hotel room to prepare a bubble bath and shave my body silky smooth just to satisfy what i was feeling was real. It has been a conflict my whole life I must admit I hated it… Read more »
I can only sympathise with you Stephanie, as I have no real understanding or first hand knowledge of your situation. I am only able to imagine the difficulties that you are experiencing. I send you my love and best wishes that you find peace at some point in your life, If my words have helped you in the smallest way I am grateful of your feedback.
Love back at you and to those also dealing with the conflicts of life xx
Hi Sophie thankyou for you uplifting article,
Sophie what a great article- and welcome back! I wrote about influences -both by our own families in the past and to our future generations in this post https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/forums/topic/could-this-be-the-first/ . I also wrote about our evolution as w come to accept that we are who we are in the article https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/unbecoming-who-you-arent/ . Thank you for you inspiring words, We can’t ever hope to be accepted by the world unless an until we accept ourselves!
Cyn
Thank you Skippy for your kind words. Good to see that you have been very proactive here too. The world needs those who are able to give without expectations and you have been providing a great example
Thank you Sophie for an interesting take on ourselves. I seem to be in the middle ground, as I never really felt I was born in the wrong body, though younger I did wish I was a girl at times, but it wasn’t anything like you’ve described, going to bed and hoping I’d wake up as a girl. I enjoyed many boy activities, like playing with trucks and trains, but often never fit in with the other boys, and got along better with girls many times. That “S” word was used to describe me at times, but I didn’t understand… Read more »
Amy, thank you for your time to reply to my article, that means a lot to me. I feel that it may have helped you reconcile some of your own issues and conflict, But perhaps I am simply being optimistic. No matter what provoked a reaction from you, the simple fact that it did makes me feel that, not only was it worth writing it, but publishing it here was of some value to this community
Very good and thought provoking read.
Thank you for your lind words and feedback Chris, I am grateful of you time and effort in reading my article.
It always makes me so very pleased when anyone is moved enough by my writing to leave a comment.
I personally still have the feelings of wanting to live as a female but I think I can and will be happy as a guy. As long as I can be a “girl” when the desire is present… I want my kids to have a father figure and my fiancé needs me to be a man and I will be happy if they are taken care of and happy.
The one important thing is that you can accept your life as that and not find yourself wanting to live more as female. Many find that they become drawn further into their life-long desire to be more feminine and connect with that side of their self. It can be very compelling and an unavoidable consequence of opening that door in you consciousness and many have already discovered. So I just want you to be aware of that. I wish you a good and happy life, whatever your outcome and that you continue to get the support and love from those… Read more »