The purity and cuteness of babies makes people talk in quite funny ways, turning them into blubbering adults – coochie-coo!  Terms such as cherub, angel and many others are used with love and affection when referring to babies. Being a child has such innocence attached to it; a time when we are a blank canvas ready to learn about the world and everything in it. Or maybe, it’s not quite that simple?

Influences we trust and believe in

We grow up trusting our parents above anyone. From birth, your parents will teach and demonstrate much to you that will form the basis of your beliefs and ideas of who you are – consciously and subconsciously.  Socio-economic influences may play a part in that or not. Certainly, what we see around us and through the media will provide external opinions and beliefs that we may adopt but without any guarantees.

It’s no wonder that we can find ourselves some years later wondering just who we are? I have seen many stories painstakingly written describing of feelings of guilt, shame, self-disapproval, depression and the list continues with an endless chain of emotions and inner struggle.

What I will go on to say, may apply only to those who were born around 25 years ago or longer, but, I may be wrong as it can be naive to generalise about some things. I am going to suggest an alternative way of looking at your life, albeit in retrospect. To be able to accept who you are requires a degree of understanding of what has happened during your lifetime. Instead of accepting the process that I outlined at the start, I would like you to adopt a new perspective in place of that.

You may have spent many hours thinking about what makes you the way you are, or questioning why? Searched for a sense of meaning that will allow you to deal with your feelings and enjoy your life instead of living a troubled existence. Perhaps, simply being able to be yourself and live in the way that you wish. In essence, admitting who or what you are and living as you choose. There are many levels that we are able to endure a great deal, due to work or family pressures, but that doesn’t mean that we are happy with our life.

Learning to change your point of view

Who or what you are is not the key here, my example is in relation to being Transgender, an Ambassador and editor on the sister site TGH, while the way of thinking and perception I suggest, can apply to anyone.

Have you ever thought any of the following: Who or what am I? Am I transgender?  Has my feminine side become stronger?  I am in the wrong body? Why is this happening to me? Perhaps those feelings have developed over time, or been with you for as long as you can recall?

Exceptional Voice

What if those feelings are exactly the ones you were born with and not ones that have developed over time? Feelings that have been clouded, swamped and suppressed by everything you’ve been taught, learned or experienced from childhood? Could that have resulted in difficulties in relationships, prevented you from being happy, or being able to feel loved and love fully in return, or just feeling good about yourself?

Personally, I can’t see why this may not be a possibility at all. Once I was able to understand and accept who and what I am, my life began to make sense at last. While I am thankful that I have almost completed my journey, I have never stopped thinking about my past, present or future life. Once it began to feel like all the pieces had fallen into the right places, allowing me to enjoy being ‘me’ at last, was when I realised that I had been this person all along. Should it have been such a surprise? I can only answer that with a Yes and No! It seems a little obvious now, with a wry smile on my face, and then again – Not!

I urge you to spend some time and reflect upon your life to date. It is possible to calm that storm in you mind if you can devote the time, care and energy to finding your own true self. With self-acceptance comes happiness and a peace of mind that you may never have experienced before. It will not happen overnight and like many worthwhile aspects of life, it takes time to find that key. No matter how long it may take, I want to give you hope and faith that it is possible for anyone. It is simply out there, waiting for you to discover it for yourself. Like your deepest hidden feelings and beliefs and your inner self, it has been there since you first opened your eyes as a child. To find and release it will require an open minded approach, somewhat childlike maybe. Why should that be a bad thing, when that was a stage when your mind was pure, clean and unpolluted. The point at which we all started from!

My final thought I share with you

Perhaps the answer is to stop questioning all those doubts and feelings. Begin to learn, understand and accept them, know who and what you are. Maybe then, the healing process will commence. Acceptance can unlock the parts within you that you seek.

En Femme Style

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Sophie Frenchie

I began this journey the day I opened my eyes for the very first time. I found this site at a time when I needed support more than any other point in my life. I had chosen to transition after years of internal turmoil, failing to be able understand or accept who and what I was. My life moved on at a pace that I found hard to deal with at times, but I managed. Living alone in the South West of France life was far from simple or easy then. Then, I discovered this oasis online, finding love, understanding and support unequalled to anything I have previously come across. Dare I suggest, my other family! So, why return after leaving about two years back? At the point, my life was changing dramaticaly, everything I had believed, understood and built my life around, up until that point, changed almost overnight. I am very settled in my life now living as a woman, with friends and a social life, all while being the happiest I have been. I am in the medical system here after overcoming many obstacles, now with the hope of surgery very soon to complete my transition. I have returned here in the hope that my experiences and knowledge can be of help to others in this community. When very young, I dreamed of being a girl, going to bed at night hoping I would awake as a girl. After realising that wasn't going to happen, I shut down that wish and lived a repressed existence from that day. It took a lifetime of unintentionally hurting myself and others, regretfully! Perhaps the one true regret of my life!

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Stephanie Kennedy
Active Member
2 years ago

Hi Sophie I loved your article. It is very inspiring for sure. Acceptance came very hard for me. I refused to believe how I felt about my feelings was real. I had i male body to prove what society told me was true. Every where i have been in my life they looked and greeted me as sir. I have gone up to my hotel room to prepare a bubble bath and shave my body silky smooth just to satisfy what i was feeling was real. It has been a conflict my whole life I must admit I hated it… Read more »

Paula Malmborg
Active Member
2 years ago

Hi Sophie thankyou for you uplifting article,

skippy1965 Cynthia
Trusted Member
2 years ago

Sophie what a great article- and welcome back! I wrote about influences -both by our own families in the past and to our future generations in this post . I also wrote about our evolution as w come to accept that we are who we are in the article . Thank you for you inspiring words, We can’t ever hope to be accepted by the world unless an until we accept ourselves!

Amy Myers
Noble Member
2 years ago

Thank you Sophie for an interesting take on ourselves. I seem to be in the middle ground, as I never really felt I was born in the wrong body, though younger I did wish I was a girl at times, but it wasn’t anything like you’ve described, going to bed and hoping I’d wake up as a girl. I enjoyed many boy activities, like playing with trucks and trains, but often never fit in with the other boys, and got along better with girls many times. That “S” word was used to describe me at times, but I didn’t understand… Read more »

Chris Mcleod
Chris Mcleod
2 years ago

Very good and thought provoking read.

Chris Mcleod
Chris Mcleod
2 years ago

I personally still have the feelings of wanting to live as a female but I think I can and will be happy as a guy. As long as I can be a “girl” when the desire is present… I want my kids to have a father figure and my fiancé needs me to be a man and I will be happy if they are taken care of and happy.

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