Hey there my Sisters, I hope this week find you smiling big and enjoying life!

Have you ever experienced what you later referred to as

“a living hell” or “a nightmare”?

Sometimes the things that seem the most devastating in our lives, are the very things we later see as the moments when we were being shaped and grown into the people we are becoming.

En Femme Style

I have heard about, read about, and lived through the experience of the “dark night of the soul”, those hellish inner fires, even more than once which was a surprise to learn.

I thought it to be a one time thing in life, now I know it can, and often does happen more than once for a whole lot of people.

So, I can tell you what a living hell really feels like from my own perspective having rented space there a time or two.

Of course, we can only ever share our own recall of an experience since each one of us can only see all things through our personal beliefs.

Each time I have experienced this

dark night of the soul,

I have not had a fun time of it.

At times, nowadays for a very brief time, I forget who I truly am during a “dark night spin” as I call it, and I generally go to a very dark inner place sputtering suicidal grumblings and generally feeling like the whole world is plotting against me with no hope of my ever clawing my way out of the pity-pit.

When I come out of the spin, wake up, or regain conscious awareness of who I am, I again see that what appeared to be a most horrible, living hell situation, as one that was absolutely required I have, in order for me to grow into the person and life I have been imagining myself to have.


I have experienced one of these dark nights of the soul each time I have spent some time intentionally imagining with the powerful emotions of gratitude, how it will feel to be living my new, expanded version of my life.

This new chapter of my amazing life full of richness, abundance, purpose, and passion requires me to expand from who I currently know myself to be, into the person I am choosing to become.

To naturally and smoothly transform from the seed into the tree, we must experience and accept the end of the seed-self; we must accept the death of the caterpillar-self, to experience the emergence of the butterfly-self.

I cannot know the joy of finding it,

unless I have first lost it .

None of these morphing experiences have been fun or enjoyable for me, but what I have reminded myself of again and again while during these dark times, is that:

It is always darkest just before the dawn

and the dark night eventually gives way

to an even more wonderful reality.

When I am living through those Hellish inner fires and life appears to be hitting me from all sides at once, I look to the sticky notes and posters on my office walls.

They remind me that I am intentionally and consciously creating my amazing life, and this dark night is an essential part of that new life creation because it is shaping and growing me into the person I must become, to live as I have chosen to live.

Just as it was required for Nelson Mandela to be imprisoned before he could rise to the position he truly imagined for his life, and his role in bringing down such a destructive force on our planet as apartheid, each period of living through the hellish inner fires that I have grown through, has proven to be the same thing for me. An essential puzzle piece for creating the bigger picture.

This week, whether you are just slipping into one, are currently experiencing or have experienced the dark night of the soul before, remembering that regardless of what is going on today in your life, it is absolutely an essential piece of creating the life you most often imagine yourself living, and it is temporary.

Learning the simple but not always easy life skill of living through the hellish inner fires consciously and intentionally, will improve your life and the lives of all who witness you for generations to come, and in ways you can not yet even imagine.

And as you practice, you will imagine even greater things to expand into on your journey to becoming.

Thank you for reading Your Weekly Reset and thank you for being exactly who you are!


N huggles





More Articles by Char

View all articles by Char
The following two tabs change content below.
Dropping out of high school I began touring in the Canadian country music scene at age 17; clubs and soft seat venues, drummer/vocalist for 22 years. After 4 suicide attempts and heavy cocaine etc addiction issues, i decided to learn Self-Acceptance as apposed to self-hatred. I became a student of the Universe and an Instructor of Life Skills at a local College while operating a Private Coaching Practice. Currently, I am rebuilding the Life Coaching practice after a couple years of more personal work well under way. I am also creating online opportunities that will serve our world community…and our world in understanding how the learned life skills of Intentionally and Consciously Creating an Amazing Life have filled my life with Passion, Purpose and Prosperity and they can for you as well... Namaste'

Latest posts by Char (see all)

4.5 2 votes
Article Rating
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Peggy Sue Williams
Famed Member
3 years ago

Char, Thank you, a well-written piece on optimism and being grateful. Indeed, our journey through life is not an easy one. My journey, among other things, included the hell of alcoholism and a brutal military career which facilitated my alcoholism but later turned against me. Some hit bottom and never bounce back. The end is death. For those of us fortunate enough to rebuild a responsible meaningful life, it can take decades to do so. In my case, the Holy Scriptures, as found in the King James Bible, have been my guide into light, as I rebuilt my life. Who… Read more »

Laura Lovett
Active Member
3 years ago

I so strongly recognise this, and have gone through it so many times, followed by the same realisations, that I have adopted the phrase “If you are going through Hell, keep going."

It’s been working really well for me – hasn’t stopped the bad stuff, of course, but makes coping with it a lot, lot easier.

I hope these words of power are useful.

Love Laura

Amy Myers
Noble Member
3 years ago

Thank you Char for tackling such a difficult subject. I seem to be susceptable to depression, and sometimes seemly small things will bring me down into. Rarely do they last long, but are so intense, and it seems like life isn’t worth it anymore. That’s not true, but wow, it can seem like it! Like being face down on the earth at night, and all you can see is the darkness below you, but all you have to do is to roll over and let the light reach you again. Everyone who goes through this needs to be given the… Read more »

skippy1965 Cynthia
Trusted Member
3 years ago

As I noted in a reply to your last weekly reset, I lost my $30k a year restaurant management job back in 1992 one month before my daughter was born and six months later finally began a new full-time job ina bank headquarters making about $18k. I had been unhappy with restaurant work for a while as it is a lot of late nights and weekends and while great for a single young person, it stunk for a young family. But I couldn’t VOLUNTARILY take that pay cut by quitting so I was stuck with continuing to work at the… Read more »

Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Join our mailing list to receive the latest news and updates from Crossdresser Heaven.

You have Successfully Subscribed!

Log in with your credentials

Forgot your details?