Hello everyone. My name is Kris, and I am a crossdresser.
I know it sounds like an introduction that one might give at a 12-step program meeting. Where a person might go to overcome the demon of addiction. Some have even gone so far as to refer to their crossdressing inclination as an addiction that they wish they could cure. I am not one of them. For me, crossdressing is very much an integral part of my psychological wellbeing. I am also very much a beginner, a newbie-having only begun my CD journey about a year and a half ago…
…at age 69.
When others discuss their CD journey, I mention my late start, and I often hear the response, “What a late bloomer!” or “What took you so long?” I suppose it seems like that, and for a time, I thought my story was well outside the norm, but I know now that it is hardly unheard of.
The vast majority I’ve talked to have related tales of their dressing going back to their childhood. For whatever reason, I had no crossdressing experiences as a child or teen, and I can honestly say the thought never even crossed my mind. In fact, I did not have any experience at all until age 29. One evening I “jokingly” tried on one of my wife’s nightgowns. We both got a good laugh out of it, and she asked if I liked it. I said no, but I was lying big time. I loved it! Exhilarated and yet taken aback by my exuberant reaction, I did not do such a thing again for several years. I will confess that during this moratorium I often desired to explore my awakened proclivity, and after a few years, I had several private skirmishes with some of my wife’s pantyhose and a particularly lovely yellow dress. It would soon stop though, as I felt I had fallen into a kind of fetish and was behaving in a manner that was way over the top.
Ah, where is that nightgown and yellow dress now that I can fully appreciate it!
It would be at least 30 years before I would experiment again while my wife was out of town. This time I acquired some garments of my own; pantyhose, panties, some inexpensive heels, and a kimono robe, which I still have. The fact that they were my own garments seemed to seal the deal. I experienced the sensual pleasure and euphoric release described so accurately by many, except as a retired 69-year-old educator, father of two adult children with a wife of 41 years rather than as a teenager. Still, there seems to be a common a pattern that many of us share no matter when we began. The early beginnings and attractions (my wife’s clothes, she was and is a very stylish dresser), a period of clandestine and sporadic experimentation (with some of my wife’s garments), a period of denial (30+ years in my case), followed finally by full acceptance of active crossdressing (for me when I acquired garments of my own).
At last I had embraced what was in my psyche for many years, probably implanted long before the nightgown incident. As I analyze it (in an amateur, armchair way of course) it seems my experiences are much the same as those who began as youngsters. The only difference was age and the time in between. In short, it just took me a longer time to come around… a lot longer.
Some might regret the time lost, squandering the years when one might have the best possible physical appearance and the best “canvas” upon which to “paint” a persona and presentation. I am not in that number either. Despite FaceApp showing me what the possibilities might have been, I am undaunted. In fact, I seem to have found a very significant positive. I have not experienced the guilt/shame syndrome which plagued so many of us in their younger years, some for their entire life. My only significant concern was how my wife would react, but I came out to her right away-well, within a week or two, as I could not handle the stress at all. As such, I avoided most of the deception, which appears to be the most damaging component to marriages. My wife had a period of adjustment to be sure, but it was not a contentious one. She has become quite accepting, even participatory up to a point, and has done much to tutor me in the dark art of makeup application.
I know I am one of the lucky ones, and as she puts it, as long as I don’t try to pass myself off as a female at the local police officer’s ball, everything should be fine.
There also have been some positive side effects. I have found crossdressing has a wonderful “youthening” quality, which I experience every time I dress. In many respects, I’m like an exuberant little kid who has found something totally new, exciting and, yes, a bit edgy. I am devoid of a “been there, done that” attitude that can sometimes seep into the things we enjoy as we become older. Learning how to use makeup is a big one for me. The experimentation with mascara, eyeshadow, blush, and techniques such as a 12-year-old girl might partake. I also enjoy selecting outfits that match not only in color but in aesthetics, perhaps even pushing the boundaries of “age appropriateness.” Crossdressing has also rekindled an interest in photography, which I enjoyed many years ago. I want to present the best image possible visually. Combining crossdressing with photography adds another layer to what I and many others consider being an artistic pursuit. For me, the most exciting aspect of this has been in applying my fledgling skills by going into the community En-femme, thus bringing my alter ego–my fantasy persona–into the real world. Even as my male self (a good 99% of the time or more) all of this has given me much more motivation to stay in shape, and the positive benefits for my physical and mental health have been notable.
Soon, I will attend my first conference at Keystone in Harrisburg, PA. I am looking so forward to meeting many of the persons with whom I have been talking and sharing with online, exchanging stories like I have here, and making new friends within our common interest. Perhaps best of all is the fact that I know that the next time I choose to dress, I will experience the sensual euphoria once again.
So, even though my journey has begun late in life, it’s a part of me now, and I’m the better person for it.
More Articles by Kris Burton
- Stepping Out – Beating the Fear: Part Two
- Stepping Out – Beating the Fear: Part One
- What About The Kids – When They’re Not Kids
- Fantasy, Reality…and My Rookie Year at Keystone
Thank you Kris for sharing your story, it interesting to hear the different ways we came into crossdressing.
HI AnnaBeth – and I’m glad you like my article! Yes, all of our stories are different, yet linked by our common interest!
Thank you for sharing your story Kris. It is nice to hear about your journey. I’m a late bloomer as well so don’t feel alone in that.
XOXO
Suzanne
Thank you Suzanne – glad you liked my article.I’d hoped it would resonate with we late bloomers, and it looks like it has. I used to think I was alone, but now I know I am certainly not!
Kris –
Had the same feelings of being alone. It is so nice having CDH to be able to share with others and realize there is a large family that we belong to.
XOXO
Suzanne
yes, most defiantly. thank you for sharing. i started with a pair of tights for a school play back in the days when i was in oh 4th or 5th grade. i was hooked on the feel of the tights, i tried on my grandmother’s dresses, then began to try on more. then my cross dressing went away for so long, then came back stronger, got married tried on my wife’s dresses some skirts, she knew i had them on for i seemed to stretch them out somewhat. so, i started to buy my own dresses, some skirts, lots of… Read more »
You got that right Lucinda! After a while experienceing the joy of women’s attire going back to men’s stuff is really dull! I see we are very much of a like mind!
ah yes we are, i hate it so much to change back to male clothing, would rather wear a dress and nylons and all that and just be me and happy. but society is not ready for the cross-dressing world. would love to just go out and shop in a dress and all that looking pretty and buy more dresses and skirts and some heels without someone being a whatever about me being dressed up as a female. society needs to wake up and leave us girls alone and let us be what we like to be. real females dress… Read more »
Beautiful story Kris. I have been cross dressing since I was a little boy. I remember playing dress up with my sisters. They would always put mom’s clothes on over there clothes. I would always take mine off and put on my moms clothes. I fell in love with they way the silky panties felt against my skin. My mom use to get so angry with me for playing dress up with my sisters. Boys don’t wear girls clothes she would tell me. Of course cross dressing in the 1960’s was taboo. I still love dressing up today. That aspect… Read more »
Thank you Dorothy, I’m glad you liked my article. Although our dressing starting points were different it does not change our response to it. I hopoe you find it as womderful now as you did when you were a child – I can attest to that exhilarating youthening quality!
Great article Kris. Wonderful to hear about your journey and, as they say, better late then never.
So glad you liked my article Mona – and you know, it doesn’t feel like it was so late – I only feel joy for what the future has to bring, as a much younger person does. I hope you feel the same.
Kris…. Very nice article… Best to you!! Staci
Thank you Staci – glad you liked my article, and hopefully could relate!
Kris
What a wonderful story. You’re very elegant pic also. Stay lovely and positive. Welcome to the crazy journey we all share.
Thank you Ginger, I’m glad you liked my article, and pic also. I’m so glad to be on the crazy journey you describe!
Hi Kris, I once heard it said that late bloomers hold their flowers longer. In reading your story I definitely think that applies to you. I am older, and I did go through the guilt and shame phases as I grew up. Now I have realized it is just part of who I am, and my wife does too. I am just trying to enjoy everyday the best I can. Wonderful story, thank you for sharing.
Thank you Carolyn, Is that what they say about late bloomers? – I like it and will remember that! Looks like we have very much in common!
I agree, our profiles are similar.
I needed that. Thank you Kris. And so well done. I am one of those that started very young. Like 6 years old young. But still struggle occasionally with the self acceptance and guilt though I know better. Your story is another confirmation and acceptance of self. Thank you again.
Thank you Rochelle, I’m glad my article had resonance for you. I think no matter when we started, we are linked in our mutual interest.I think that’s why it’s so easy for us to relate to one another and why I so enjoy and value being part of our community.
What a lovely an eloquently written story. I’m so glad you got to avoid the guilt thing so many of us go through…and then a supportive wife, you hit the jackpot there. Thanks for sharing your story. I hope you enjoy Keystone, we don’t have an equivalent here in the Netherlands, its a pretty tolerant and liberal thinking country but a conference of Keystones magnitude would be nice to help the cause. I hope you have/had fun.
Thank you Helene, I’m glad you relate to and enjoyed my post. Yes, I am one of the lucky ones and I hope you can count yourself in that number as well. Keystone was wonderful, I’m looking forward to next year already. Maybe you could swing a visit to the US? Sounds like a good excuse to me!