To my soulmate,
You know who you are. I knew when I met you, it would be you always. We have had our ups and downs, and this time a few weeks ago I thought it was over.
When you told me your ‘secret’ that you have carried for over 40 years, at first I thought, “Absolutely no way, you must be gay, at the least, bi.” I thought I could never be complete again, and that I had lost my one and only love.
I found this site of amazing and welcoming people, and overnight quite literally started to believe, to understand and to accept. And the most wonderful part is, after hearing what it was doing to help me, you also joined. The changes in our relationship are phenomenal. It’s early days and I know we have hard times ahead, but I love you more than you will ever understand or know, and I want you to be you, and to be happy in yourself. If you can take me along with you, I will be forever grateful, as I am forever grateful to everyone here who has reached out to help us start this journey.
So, let’s get real – of course it’s a scary and unsettling time for us all, and who knows what the road ahead is going to bring. But if I can accept this way of life, and also embrace it and enjoy it, then I know others can too.
It may take time and I have such pain for those who still have to keep this a secret. If you are reading this and wondering what your SO needs, I can only tell you what I needed.
To understand that I am still loved and that this doesn’t mean you are gay / bi. The only way I came to believe this was through this group, and wanting to know more, and also reaching out to a counsellor who specialises in cross-dressing and the family.
I felt special that I was the first person in our life who knew. I think if he had confided in others before me, it might have hurt more, or been harder (I’m not including any groups or forums here, because I could have easily understood that).
I want to feel desired and included, part of this – oh, and be prepared for LOTS of questions.
Communication is key. I’ve found Victoria (and my husband) have communicated with me more than ever because of this ‘secret’ being realised.
So enough of what we need. For anyone who wants to know what their husband or partner needs, I can’t answer for him. But I can answer with what I’ve seen and has worked, this end.
Ask questions, be interested.
Research research and research – if you can, get a counsellor who specialises and talk it over.
Your opinion matters too, but be prepared that this is unlikely ever to be going away, and will cause more damage to you both if that’s what you think may happen. Don’t be scared to want one thing, and the next day want another. Again, communication is everything.
Have compassion for them , they are as scared as you are.
If you accept it and embrace it, don’t be surprised if you end up enjoying it as much as they do.
Finally, this might be what your relationship needs, and it certainly gives it a new lease of life.
It’s taken two and a half weeks for me to come around from “We are doomed”, to “We are amazing 🤩”
Talk to people, love your man and remember one thing – he knows his preferences. If he’s opened up to you about this, which is one of the biggest things he’s ever done; and he tells you he’s not gay, not bi, and loves you – it’s because he means it. Why get to this point and reveal all, but then lie about that? It makes no sense. If he were gay or bi, and didn’t love you, he would be telling you this because right now, he’s got nothing to lose.
I’ve learnt that a huge amount of men who choose to live this life, literally adore women and everything about them. So I figure he is telling the truth here.
I hope you get to enjoy your man as much as I’m enjoying mine – and if you can accept the feminine version as well, BONUS all round 🙂
Thank you again everyone, and especially to you, my angel and soulmate xx
@Laura New Laura, Wow! Amazing! There are no words that can express my appreciation and gratitude for your very emotional explanation of what this revelation looks and feels like from a spouse’s point of view. You are an incredible person to be so honest and straight-forward in your account of the events that have transpired and continue to take place in your life. Thank you so much for giving us all this extremely valuable and eye-opening window into the often fatal impact on a relationship once a partner is found to be a crossdresser. It continues to be my hope… Read more »
Hi Penelope, I am sorry to hear how hard it has been for you and you love of your life. It is quite clear aside from everything else ,that the love was still there, even though you may not have felt it. Otherwise I imagine you would not both be together now….. As you said it takes different time for different people, and i would never have predicted i would have been where I am so quickly, and tbh no clue how or why, perhaps its just a miracle, or perhaps I am just extremely open minded and I am… Read more »
Laura, Welcome and thank you for your article. I wish more ladies woudl take your perspective and not as much as the typical negative response we usually see. Feel free to ask whatever you need to help you understand and learn about our cross dressing ways and desires.
@Leah thank you Leah, really appreciate that, I am regularly asking away on the chat lol, That is where I get most of my knowledge and its helping so so much. really love this site and hope that I see some more SO’s on here soon.
Thank you Laura! It means so much reading inspiring stories like your own.
Your courage to step into the unknown and let love lead the way is so beautiful.
It gives me hope. 😍 Growing up I often worried if love was possible for me.
I felt different knowing a part of me needed to express herself. I think many of us struggle with this. Since joining CDH I’ve found support and friendship. It’s helped me honor who I am and enjoy life as it comes. 😊
@Katie Klashes I am so pleased you , like me have found this amazing place and that it is helping you to feel able to accept yourself . Love can conquer all , I never thought I’d be able to accept this but it’s just happened naturally and there are many more like me out there who just want to be loved 🥰
Thank you so much for your article, Laura. It brought a bit of joy to my heart — because it highlighted the difference between being accepting of your soulmate (commendable unto itself) and being fully supportive (truly wonderful!). May your love for each other continue to flourish.
Sally
@Sally Brennan thank you Sally I am glad you enjoyed reading it and that it brought you some joy. Xx
@Laura New thankyou for sharing. My wife knows and supports what l do, she knows l love her very much and l know how much she loves me. I once asked her how she felt about my crossdressing and she replied that it is fine by her as it makes me happy, she buys me clothes, helps with make-up, buys make-up and what ever l need. I am an extremely lucky person. XX Jane
Hiya Jane , thank you for the reply , I am so unbelievably happy that you also have that with your wife , it certainly makes for a happy home environment 😍🥰
beautiful, touching. You are both very lucky. Thank you for sharing.
@Catharine Connall 🥰thank you 🙏
Laura, thank you so much for beautifully written and thoughtful article. My wife is also fully accepting of me and two aspects this weekend filled my heart with joy. First being, she will now call me Katie when I am dressed and two, she said Katie is her BFF. Hoping your article is pinned so other SO’s can read and try to understand how amazing life can be with communication, understanding and a modicum of empathy of your partner / soul mate. Katie
@Katie Plowright thank u Katie , I am so pleased you also have that with your SO, I am very hopeful that other SOs will get to read this too, I will be sure to let them know about the article as they join so they can hopefully get something from it to support both themselves and their partners ❤️😍🙏