If you are here and reading this article, I can safely assume like myself, you are enamored with dressing in clothes and accessories traditionally associated with women.
We are all at various stages on this journey. Some of us have recently discovered our feminine traits and are deeply troubled by them. Others have cracked open the door to this wonderful world of femme a little bit, but long for more.
Others have had more experience and perhaps with the help of a mentor or two have gained the confidence to go out and explore the world en femme. Still others are now living their lives as women 24/7.
It doesn’t matter where you are, most if not all started out being very scared of whatever it is inside which draws us towards femininity, because as boys we were conditioned that we don’t do things like that, and were often punished if caught in the process of cross dressing as a result.
Due to the stigma usually associated with crossdressing, and this seems to be specifically men dressing as women, the other way around doesn’t ever seem to cause nearly as much fuss!
Eventually we manage to break through the conditioning and start to express our femme self. Though as we all know, there is usually still a lot of breaking through to do with wives, girlfriends, parents and other family members, not to mention friends, employers, etc., can take a very dim view of a man trying to pass as a woman. As a result, we continue to keep this side of us hidden and sometimes totally hidden. Other crossdressers are able to let a select few know about this amazing secret we have.
Most of us are trying to look like GG’s, or natural women, but it is difficult as our bodies aren’t shaped quite like women’s bodies. We also have never learned all those tricks of femininity that girls start to learn from a young age. So we put ourselves on something like a crash course, but it isn’t easy! Fortunately, the resources here at CDH will help one to show the world the woman you can be on the outside, not just on the inside.
It doesn’t take much looking anywhere these days to discover there are a large number of businesses who specialize in providing the products we need to look our feminine best. In fact, it was that discovery I made just a few years ago, while looking for something else which set the stage for me to become much more serious about expressing my feminine side.
It might sound naive, but I had no idea there was such a large number of products and retailers dedicated to crossdressing and transgender folks.
I am one of those who have bought breast forms, waist cinchers, pads for hips and bums, plus makeup so I can look like a nice middle aged woman – not too old, but not too young either. Well it would be nice to look young, but at nearly 67, that’s not going to happen!
However, I have this nutty idea that we shouldn’t necessarily pass or at least hide our other sides as much. How much do we really need to? There is no easy answer to that one either. The better we are able to disguise ourselves as GG’s, the more hidden we are.
To be sure, there are many who enjoy a fetish aspect to this and there certainly is nothing wrong with that either. If that’s what you want go ahead and enjoy, however, it isn’t anything we should share publicly.
However this is not what I’m talking about, as that is naturally in the realm of individual privacy amongst consenting adults.
Then the only thing the general public usually knows about crossdressing is through how the media portrays us. It is usually for comedy, perhaps the highly stylized world of drag, as outright gay, or worse than anything, as some kind of perverted person.
Fortunately gender identity issues are more out in the open than ever before and there is a slow awakening going on in many areas.
Popular shows like “Drag Race” does bring the subject more into the open and creates discussion which isn’t a bad thing, though it does give the impression of a rather different world than the reality of what most of us do. Drag might be fun, but it’s entertainment and really isn’t in the crossdresser world so many of us long to join.
This is where I return to the idea that the more people know what we are and the fact we aren’t a threat to them or their children, the better it will be for all of us. This kind of public education takes time and there is always the reality of an adverse reaction, though adverse reactions seem to be much less frequent than they once were.
Then there is the tender issue of how well do you pass? Likely not as well as you’d like, however, how much does it really matter? We all have different body types and facial features, some of which lend themselves much better to become feminine looking, and it takes a lot of self-education.
We each have different means, as it can be a bit costly to get all the right clothes, foundation garments, and makeup, and learn how to use everything to the best advantage. This all can be a bit of a waste of money as you learn what works and what doesn’t. Not everyone can afford this outlay either.
Alright, so what if you’re not perfect, perhaps not even nearly so. That doesn’t necessarily mean you can’t go out into the public world if that’s what you desire.
Remember, GG’s come in all shapes and sizes too and many don’t fit into anything close to an ideal size or shape, but they can all be lovely.
That is just as it is with us. We have to learn and accept our diversity and show it to others. Perhaps in time, this can become as acceptable as anything else in society.
Naturally one has to temper this with a measure of caution as some areas are much more accepting than others. However, even traditionally conservative areas are becoming more accepting of gender fluid individuals all the time.
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- Do you go out en femme and if so what has been the reaction from others you’ve encountered?
- If you had to assign a percentage number on how well you pass as a women when you are at your best level of cross dressing, from 0 to 100%, what percentage would you assign your ability to pass as a woman?
- Do you feel that this need to be able to pass is very overrated?
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Thanks for taking time out of your schedule to read my article. Please feel free to send in a response to my article or an answer to one of more of the questions I’ve posed to you above.
Sincerely, Amy Myers
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- Amy’s Day of Wonder
- Shopping in Person
Hi Amy, enjoyed your article. I know I would like to pass from a distance and close up to be close enough that unless you look closely your not sure. In fact I did go out a month ago to have my hair colored ( see in the forums ‘happy birthday to me’). I told them at Ulta that I was a CD and used my male name. Sherie was so nice and helpful, it was a great experience. I went shopping afterward. It is possible I could have run into someone I know (I have a brother , A… Read more »
Thank you Sandy, and I’m glad you enjoyed it! Going out at first is truly a scary experience, but it is a great experience. For me, it somehow makes me into the woman I feel inside.
Amy
I really enjoyed your article, Amy. I know that I cant pass very well (I played football for a long time and built a rather masculine, large frame) but it has never bothered me because I love the way I feel when I put on the clothes and start to get into my feminine headspace. I am still closeted about my crossdressing, but that doesnt stop me from being who i am by myself. With time, I hope to be as open about it as you appear to be.
Thank you for the nice comments, Steph. That is the wonderful thing about simply dressing up, you start to become that lovely woman you feel is inside of you.
Amy, thanks for writing another good, thought-provoking article. Personally, I’ve only been out dressed at night and almost exclusively to trans-friendly places, so I can’t speak to daytime outings in broad public spaces. Though, going out during the day is definitely on my agenda for the future and it’s had me thinking about what that experience might be like. Honestly, I think there are a small handful of CD’s that can truly pass, but most of us just don’t have the body and face to completely fool the general public up close. I think that if you dress to blend… Read more »
Marie, your observations seem to be parallel with my own. Certainly most places have made great strides in acceptance of those who lead a different lifestyle. Also, your comments are what I had in mind when I started writing this article. In a way it is like some single women I knew (not in the biblical sense) who had an ideal man in their head, which no real man could ever match. It is rather the same with trying to pass. You don’t want to look ridiculous, but so many of us will never reach that feminine ideal either. So… Read more »
Hi Amy
Love the article.
Thanks Debbie!
Your so welcome.
Wonderful article. Thank you so much
Thank you very much Pauline!
this post is well said. could not add nothing to this post. thank you for posting this for others to read and realize the facts and what will happen or not happen. what to do to do pass and look like a female. yes us guys do not have the way to walk and talk, but some has the figure of a female some don’t. yes there is a lot of cross dressers still in the closets and some that came out of the closet. i am so glade this post was written and posted for every one to read.… Read more »
Thanks Lucinda, you have put the thoughts I’ve had about this which inspired my to write this so well.
I too, often wonder if some those “regular" guys I see all the time might be crossdressers as well! Though I’m not as secretive as I used to be, I also don’t live 24/7 en femme.
Amy
i would like to add this i would love to go out dressed up as a female and go shopping for dresses and make up, get my nails done, and have no rebound on me dressed as a female. i do have a female figure, just need some make up and cover up and foundation. i am a thin person, i know how to walk in heels. its just that society is not ready for cross dressing world just yet
I sometimes think we, as crossdressers might be where the gay and lesbian population was 40 or 50 years ago, when that was considered pretty radical. Fortunately there seems to be greater acceptance of this they ever before, but it is still often considered more as a fetish or a comedy routine.
Amy
I CAN pass, until I open my mouth, that is, but don’t usually bother. I find putting on makeup and fixing my hair too much hassle. So I usually just pull it back in a ponytail (it is about 18 " long), and let it go at that. I have not “come out" to family, but have to a few select friends. I nearly always “underdress, and if people look carefully, they will see that my shirt buttons the “wrong way", my jeans are Lee women’s, and my shoes have just a touch more heel than “mens" shoes. (Thank you,… Read more »
It sounds like you are doing great there! My voice as well gives me away from time to time. I try to pitch it slightly higher, and not speak loudly, but it is tough to control it all the time. So I don’t try to hard, if someone makes me from my voice, then so be it!
Thank you very much for your comments.
Amy
Hey Amy great article and happy Thanksgiving. Yes I’ve been out in public many times and I would say the reaction has been about 80% favourable, I’ve had a few bad reactions the usual name calling and I did get into a fight once but that was quickly broken up. As for passing at my best now I would say maybe 70% on a good day but I don’t really care, I present myself tastefully and hopefully attractively as the woman I am. It makes me feel good and in this case that’s all that really matters. I used to… Read more »
Thank you Heather, and I hope you had a Happy Thanksgiving weekend too! It is good that you don’t let a bad reaction stop you for going out and expressing yourself.
Amy
Thanks for the article. I goout when I get the chance, I dont have a supportive wife, she hates my dressing but thats another story. I sometimes get the chance to spend a day as Helene. I’ll dress do my makeup and head out the door to do some clothes shopping. I’ll get made every now and then but it doesnt bother me anymore. I do try to pass but that is more down to my perfectionism than the will to not be discovered.
Thanks Helene. I’m glad you get the chance to go out, even with out your wife’s support.
Amy