If you are here and reading this article, I can safely assume like myself, you are enamored with dressing in clothes and accessories traditionally associated with women.
We are all at various stages on this journey. Some of us have recently discovered our feminine traits and are deeply troubled by them. Others have cracked open the door to this wonderful world of femme a little bit, but long for more.
Others have had more experience and perhaps with the help of a mentor or two have gained the confidence to go out and explore the world en femme. Still others are now living their lives as women 24/7.
It doesn’t matter where you are, most if not all started out being very scared of whatever it is inside which draws us towards femininity, because as boys we were conditioned that we don’t do things like that, and were often punished if caught in the process of cross dressing as a result.
Due to the stigma usually associated with crossdressing, and this seems to be specifically men dressing as women, the other way around doesn’t ever seem to cause nearly as much fuss!
Eventually we manage to break through the conditioning and start to express our femme self. Though as we all know, there is usually still a lot of breaking through to do with wives, girlfriends, parents and other family members, not to mention friends, employers, etc., can take a very dim view of a man trying to pass as a woman. As a result, we continue to keep this side of us hidden and sometimes totally hidden. Other crossdressers are able to let a select few know about this amazing secret we have.
Most of us are trying to look like GG’s, or natural women, but it is difficult as our bodies aren’t shaped quite like women’s bodies. We also have never learned all those tricks of femininity that girls start to learn from a young age. So we put ourselves on something like a crash course, but it isn’t easy! Fortunately, the resources here at CDH will help one to show the world the woman you can be on the outside, not just on the inside.
It doesn’t take much looking anywhere these days to discover there are a large number of businesses who specialize in providing the products we need to look our feminine best. In fact, it was that discovery I made just a few years ago, while looking for something else which set the stage for me to become much more serious about expressing my feminine side.
It might sound naive, but I had no idea there was such a large number of products and retailers dedicated to crossdressing and transgender folks.
I am one of those who have bought breast forms, waist cinchers, pads for hips and bums, plus makeup so I can look like a nice middle aged woman – not too old, but not too young either. Well it would be nice to look young, but at nearly 67, that’s not going to happen!
However, I have this nutty idea that we shouldn’t necessarily pass or at least hide our other sides as much. How much do we really need to? There is no easy answer to that one either. The better we are able to disguise ourselves as GG’s, the more hidden we are.
To be sure, there are many who enjoy a fetish aspect to this and there certainly is nothing wrong with that either. If that’s what you want go ahead and enjoy, however, it isn’t anything we should share publicly.
However this is not what I’m talking about, as that is naturally in the realm of individual privacy amongst consenting adults.
Then the only thing the general public usually knows about crossdressing is through how the media portrays us. It is usually for comedy, perhaps the highly stylized world of drag, as outright gay, or worse than anything, as some kind of perverted person.
Fortunately gender identity issues are more out in the open than ever before and there is a slow awakening going on in many areas.
Popular shows like “Drag Race” does bring the subject more into the open and creates discussion which isn’t a bad thing, though it does give the impression of a rather different world than the reality of what most of us do. Drag might be fun, but it’s entertainment and really isn’t in the crossdresser world so many of us long to join.
This is where I return to the idea that the more people know what we are and the fact we aren’t a threat to them or their children, the better it will be for all of us. This kind of public education takes time and there is always the reality of an adverse reaction, though adverse reactions seem to be much less frequent than they once were.
Then there is the tender issue of how well do you pass? Likely not as well as you’d like, however, how much does it really matter? We all have different body types and facial features, some of which lend themselves much better to become feminine looking, and it takes a lot of self-education.
We each have different means, as it can be a bit costly to get all the right clothes, foundation garments, and makeup, and learn how to use everything to the best advantage. This all can be a bit of a waste of money as you learn what works and what doesn’t. Not everyone can afford this outlay either.
Alright, so what if you’re not perfect, perhaps not even nearly so. That doesn’t necessarily mean you can’t go out into the public world if that’s what you desire.
Remember, GG’s come in all shapes and sizes too and many don’t fit into anything close to an ideal size or shape, but they can all be lovely.
That is just as it is with us. We have to learn and accept our diversity and show it to others. Perhaps in time, this can become as acceptable as anything else in society.
Naturally one has to temper this with a measure of caution as some areas are much more accepting than others. However, even traditionally conservative areas are becoming more accepting of gender fluid individuals all the time.
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- Do you go out en femme and if so what has been the reaction from others you’ve encountered?
- If you had to assign a percentage number on how well you pass as a women when you are at your best level of cross dressing, from 0 to 100%, what percentage would you assign your ability to pass as a woman?
- Do you feel that this need to be able to pass is very overrated?
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Thanks for taking time out of your schedule to read my article. Please feel free to send in a response to my article or an answer to one of more of the questions I’ve posed to you above.
Sincerely, Amy Myers
More Articles by Amy Myers
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- Dinner and Pride in Toronto, June 2023
- Xpressions Christmas Gala
- Amy’s Day of Wonder
- Shopping in Person
I really don’t focus on passing . with semi long hair and wearing womens clothes and no makeup. and having to wear a face mask everyone at wal marts thinks I’m a woman anyways.
Yes, though the restrictions are limiting, it is a very serious public health problem, having to wear a mask helps to hide a some of our features!
So often people see what they expect to see, and don’t think about it.
Amy
I know i will not pass except in the dark. It doesnt bother me. I only venture outside in and around home which is a very small town. I like to dress nice but fairly conservatively because of my age. Wish i was young again.
Don’t we all, Petra!
Thanks!
Amy
Wonderful article Amy, Yes i allways try to pass in public.I have been out shoping,to a club and to the beach and camping,with no strange looks.Got some smiles and Hi’s from some women,witch made me feel terrific.I use padding in the right places to get a fem figure,as i am wide on top and narrow below.When i go to the beach,i wear skirted swimsuit,that give a wider hip look.It seems to work for me. I have been fully dressing since 2000.As my wife passed a few years ago,i dress when i want indoors.I haven’t been out since virus started,I love… Read more »
Thanks you for the nice comments, Connie. I’m sorry about your wife, but you’ve been on your own a long time now, but of course it does give you the freedom to do as you like.
It must be a wonderful feeling to get up in the morning, dress, and do makeup, and have coffee, all en femme.
Amy
First, I just want to repeat what I say all the time because it seems it can’t be said enough… We are all different and that needs to be accepted by all and celebrated. Do you go out en femme and if so what has been the reaction from others you’ve encountered? I have been out in femme a few times. I have not had a bad reaction from people, no one has been outwardly mean to me, but my appearance did seem to make some straight people a little uncomfortable. No dirty looks but it can be a bit… Read more »
Thank you for such a well thought out reply. Yes, in a way I quite dislike the term “Passable" at times, but like so many other terms, it has it’s uses.
I like your analogy about not having Christie Brinkley’s looks, and that a point of my article. Not many GG’s do either, which is what makes her so special!
Amy
Beautiful article!! I don’t try to pass, it’s just not for me. I try to look femme fashionable and just want to be accepted as a guy that wears women’s clothes, someone who literally cross dresses.
Thanks Lea! Yes, you are doing just what I was talking about!
Amy
Amy that was a great article. Yes I go out in public trying to look classy. I feel like I blend in , sometimes passable sometimes not. I have not experienced negative reactions and am very surprised by the compliments that I get. My wife who knows says when I dress it looks as though I am having fun. Which I am.
Life is too short to not enjoy it.
Vanessa, yes, life is too short, I agree so much. Blending is the best thing, if you can, otherwise you are simply yourself.
Amy
Hi Amy, You have written with elegance and wisdom that only comes with life and age, as I can also confirm and being well into my 60s LOL. I like the way you have dealt with this topicand have encouraged discussion. The points that you raise are clear and based on your own experience of life. I congratulate you, in where you have clearly got to in your life. It is not an easy road, to be happy with who you are and accept that totally, finding the confidence to live as you choose and not by others opinions and… Read more »
Those are some very kind words Sophie, and I thank you very much.
Amy
A beautiful article Amy. Encapsulates so much of what we all go through. At almost 63 I can relate. My young self could have easily passed. Now…not so much
Yes, age is one of those things that catches up with us, sooner than we would like of course.
Thank you for your kind words.
Amy
Hi Amy! Love your article! I get such a rush on the four rare nights per year when I get Scarlett out in public. A big part of the rush is the fact that no one has a clue I’m a cute in that cute outfit or sexy dress! I’m one of the lucky few who can pull off that 100% passable look which everyone can see from my photos I post. When I go out, I usually go to our mall in Pensacola first. There are several managers of shops who know me when I’m in Scarlett mode and… Read more »
Scarlett, thanks for the comments. Wow, that certainly sounds like quite the outings you have there! Lots of fun!
Amy
You bet girl friend! It’s a real rush each time I get out in public!
I am a MWF and my husband and I love to go out dancing and having fun with Passable Trans in Atlantic City area. I can help trans/CD pass and feel like a real woman if you have the basics down well.
Slotsandguitars@gmail.com
Sounds great, Mary. Thank you for your comments.