If you are here and reading this article, I can safely assume like myself, you are enamored with dressing in clothes and accessories traditionally associated with women.
We are all at various stages on this journey. Some of us have recently discovered our feminine traits and are deeply troubled by them. Others have cracked open the door to this wonderful world of femme a little bit, but long for more.
Others have had more experience and perhaps with the help of a mentor or two have gained the confidence to go out and explore the world en femme. Still others are now living their lives as women 24/7.
It doesn’t matter where you are, most if not all started out being very scared of whatever it is inside which draws us towards femininity, because as boys we were conditioned that we don’t do things like that, and were often punished if caught in the process of cross dressing as a result.
Due to the stigma usually associated with crossdressing, and this seems to be specifically men dressing as women, the other way around doesn’t ever seem to cause nearly as much fuss!
Eventually we manage to break through the conditioning and start to express our femme self. Though as we all know, there is usually still a lot of breaking through to do with wives, girlfriends, parents and other family members, not to mention friends, employers, etc., can take a very dim view of a man trying to pass as a woman. As a result, we continue to keep this side of us hidden and sometimes totally hidden. Other crossdressers are able to let a select few know about this amazing secret we have.
Most of us are trying to look like GG’s, or natural women, but it is difficult as our bodies aren’t shaped quite like women’s bodies. We also have never learned all those tricks of femininity that girls start to learn from a young age. So we put ourselves on something like a crash course, but it isn’t easy! Fortunately, the resources here at CDH will help one to show the world the woman you can be on the outside, not just on the inside.
It doesn’t take much looking anywhere these days to discover there are a large number of businesses who specialize in providing the products we need to look our feminine best. In fact, it was that discovery I made just a few years ago, while looking for something else which set the stage for me to become much more serious about expressing my feminine side.
It might sound naive, but I had no idea there was such a large number of products and retailers dedicated to crossdressing and transgender folks.
I am one of those who have bought breast forms, waist cinchers, pads for hips and bums, plus makeup so I can look like a nice middle aged woman – not too old, but not too young either. Well it would be nice to look young, but at nearly 67, that’s not going to happen!
However, I have this nutty idea that we shouldn’t necessarily pass or at least hide our other sides as much. How much do we really need to? There is no easy answer to that one either. The better we are able to disguise ourselves as GG’s, the more hidden we are.
To be sure, there are many who enjoy a fetish aspect to this and there certainly is nothing wrong with that either. If that’s what you want go ahead and enjoy, however, it isn’t anything we should share publicly.
However this is not what I’m talking about, as that is naturally in the realm of individual privacy amongst consenting adults.
Then the only thing the general public usually knows about crossdressing is through how the media portrays us. It is usually for comedy, perhaps the highly stylized world of drag, as outright gay, or worse than anything, as some kind of perverted person.
Fortunately gender identity issues are more out in the open than ever before and there is a slow awakening going on in many areas.
Popular shows like “Drag Race” does bring the subject more into the open and creates discussion which isn’t a bad thing, though it does give the impression of a rather different world than the reality of what most of us do. Drag might be fun, but it’s entertainment and really isn’t in the crossdresser world so many of us long to join.
This is where I return to the idea that the more people know what we are and the fact we aren’t a threat to them or their children, the better it will be for all of us. This kind of public education takes time and there is always the reality of an adverse reaction, though adverse reactions seem to be much less frequent than they once were.
Then there is the tender issue of how well do you pass? Likely not as well as you’d like, however, how much does it really matter? We all have different body types and facial features, some of which lend themselves much better to become feminine looking, and it takes a lot of self-education.
We each have different means, as it can be a bit costly to get all the right clothes, foundation garments, and makeup, and learn how to use everything to the best advantage. This all can be a bit of a waste of money as you learn what works and what doesn’t. Not everyone can afford this outlay either.
Alright, so what if you’re not perfect, perhaps not even nearly so. That doesn’t necessarily mean you can’t go out into the public world if that’s what you desire.
Remember, GG’s come in all shapes and sizes too and many don’t fit into anything close to an ideal size or shape, but they can all be lovely.
That is just as it is with us. We have to learn and accept our diversity and show it to others. Perhaps in time, this can become as acceptable as anything else in society.
Naturally one has to temper this with a measure of caution as some areas are much more accepting than others. However, even traditionally conservative areas are becoming more accepting of gender fluid individuals all the time.
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- Do you go out en femme and if so what has been the reaction from others you’ve encountered?
- If you had to assign a percentage number on how well you pass as a women when you are at your best level of cross dressing, from 0 to 100%, what percentage would you assign your ability to pass as a woman?
- Do you feel that this need to be able to pass is very overrated?
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Thanks for taking time out of your schedule to read my article. Please feel free to send in a response to my article or an answer to one of more of the questions I’ve posed to you above.
Sincerely, Amy Myers
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@Amy Myers I do go out in public and enjoy being my authentic self. When I do this I am sure to dress to blend into the situations I encounter. In the vast majority of instances, there is minimal human contact resulting in no reaction from others. When there is contact, the reaction has been overwhelmingly positive. Still there are cases where negativity is projected toward me but when this happens, I am able to just move on. Dressing to blend helps significantly with passing. I’m somewhat tall but not overly so although I believe this does tend to affect… Read more »
Hi there. Fatima here. I concur with you about going out in public. I dress not so much to blend in but to look good in my eyes. I do get the looks and that is nice. Most people don’t notice anything. But this is a big city, out in the rural areas prob be different. I think it is wise for a girl to carry protection along with her tampon. Still most people in public are courteous and kind.
I agree that society’s not ready for the crossdressing world just yet and probably never will be either. And ya know what? Society doesn’t have to be. As long as I have a closet to stay in I’m fine with that. I wouldn’t mind passing if I could, but I would never force my crossdressed self upon anyone. Nor would I put up with it if someone forced it on me. We’re all free to make choices. Some of those choices come with restrictions and for me crossdressing is one. Sure, anyone can go out dressed up if they’re ready… Read more »
Thanks for the reply Grace. Yes right now society isn’t quite ready for us, and I sometimes wonder if we are where the gay and lesbian community was 25 or so years ago.
Also as a student of trans history this seems to have gone in and out of fashion over the centuries, as they have always been those who never felt they properly belonged in the gender they were assigned too.
I’ve posted a few articles on the subject here on CDH.
Amy
@gracepal Hi!! Loved your article. But If the world was fully accepting I would still dress and go out into the world without a care. Best, Marlene.
That’s the attitude Marlene! You go girl! BTW, I love the name Marlene. I only ever knew a few Marlenes but they were stylish women.
I don’t pass and never could. So I don’t even try. This pass summer I ventured out wearing a dress several different times. I went shopping and for a walk along a beach. It was liberating to do this. I felt like I was being me. I pass people on the street and no one said anything or gave me negative look. So I would say put on your big girl panties and best dress and hit the street.
Tracy
@tracyh Glad to hear of that great experience!
@Tracy H thanks for your comments. Put on your big girl panties and best dressed and hit the street! I am dressing as a woman and blending with other women, at many locations; coffee shop, corner store, mall bakery etc. Unfortunately I have not met any other crossdress ed girls in public and would love to but so far no luck. I have had coffee and lunch with three other real women and I’m fully accepted as a blended crossdresser by then and it’s so enjoyable to just feel pretty in my dress or skirts and accepted as one of… Read more »
@amandasdream I also have little interest in men, but have been chatted up and hit on from time to time! This certainly gives you a small taste of what pretty women go through on a regular basis. I have no problem turning a guy down, and one was rather insistent too but I plead I have my partner waiting for me. At times I have not been sure whether or not they spotted me as a transwoman, and that’s why they are hitting on me, or just that I’m attractive. One needs to do what all women do, but careful… Read more »
I pass at a distance, or at least I’m innocuous at a distance. Close up is a different matter but I’ve not had any trouble, probably because I choose my outings carefully and always go where there are a lot of people. I think this last point is where folk who want to go out get the wrong idea, they think that if they go out where it’s quiet, they will be less noticeable and less likely to be pointed out, whereas it is often quite the opposite. A man dressed as a woman and who does not pass absolutely,… Read more »
You have the key there in your reply, confidence!
Thanks for your reply Becca!
PS. that’s the name my daughter goes by too.
Amy
@rebeccabaxter I wish I could be so brave. Best, Marlene.
@Amy Myers Amy I have always strived to pass as a girl since I started. I worked for a long time to refine my walk , talk, appearance and mannerisms to be seen as a girl. Since I began living full time as Dani, it is rare when someone thinks I am not. It seems teen girls have radar for girls like us as the few clashes I’ve had has been with one of these tarts. I guess I’ve always wanted to be a pretty girl.
@Danielle Anaya That’s great Danielle, part of it is our physical appearance and of course practice, which you seem to have perfected!
Amy
@Amy Myers oh Amy Meyers I have ventured out and I have found that others are ok with what I am. One time on the way to my mani pedi I had to park down the street because there was a flood in the street and I had to walk in the grass and sidewalks past the utility workers. Nothing was said but all their eyes were on me. I did lock eyes with one guy and we shared a wink and a smile. Another time as I left PF Changs a couple was going in and as excited and… Read more »
I’m so glad to hear about those successes! I agree with you that the more comfortable you get the better it seems. Some of this is internal as you aren’t so worried about all the little things, but an uptight person give off those vibes which others can pick up on too.
Amy
@Amy Myers Hi Amy. I know this is an old article that has recently been brought to life, but since it has, I wanted to give my input. I go out fairly often, usually just doing normal things, and usually don’t get any negative reaction. The problem with assigning a passibility score is that most people don’t really understand the mathematics. I would think most people would be thrilled to have a 95% score. But they don’t realize that a 95% success rate means they would be recognized by 1 person out 20. Think about how quickly you pass 20… Read more »
Thanks for the reply Alison! I quite agree with your observation in that perhaps one does pass quite as often as one thinks!
Which is just fine with me, as then we gain visibility and can be seen as a normal part of the social network.
Amy
To me it’s not realy about passing or not. Foe me it’s about confidence. Do you feel confident in what you do when you go out? I personaly am not that passible but when I did go out I was confident in myself as it felt right.
Yes I so much agree with you Christina and that confidence makes all the difference in the. world!
@gracepal
That is interesting and against the grain for the vast majority of us, but than there’s always some who just can’t fit in as well as others.
Hopefully they made out alright in the end.
Amy