I have changed my name to Janus! Janus is the Roman god of endings, transitions, and beginnings. This god is often pictured with two faces: either male/male or male/female. I thought it appropriate for my circumstance.
If you read my first article “Beginnings” you are aware of the tumultuous journey I am on. My wife and I planned on moving back to New Jersey to the same development as her sister, two doors away. After my wife’s passing, I went ahead and moved. I lived as Janus from late 2017 to the present, however, only in secret since her sister didn’t know. Life has gone well; I go out and have been accepted and respected as a woman. A butcher at the grocery store still calls me buddy while everyone else calls me ma’am, lol.
The pandemic has slowed social activities considerably. While organized events are few and far between, some of my girlfriends and I get together for a dinner out in small groups. Susan, my BFF, and I celebrated my birthday in October by taking a trip to Virginia, to travel the Skyline Drive. We spent three days enjoying the scenery and just being out and about. It was so fun, and I must admit we were dressed nicer than most of the CIS women we met. Again, we were treated with respect as women.
When we returned I had to crossdress as a man to take care of my 102 year old aunt who had fallen and fractured her arm. Obviously, she does not know about Janus. I stayed with her for two months. Together, we sold her house and furniture, and by December she moved into an assisted living facility. She is still there but keeps falling. The last time she fractured her hip. Now she is bed ridden. I go once a week, in drab, to visit her.
My neighbor’s wife from across the street saw Janus getting in her car one evening and mentioned it to her husband. They are the neighborhood busy bodies. This was before I was fully out. I was in the yard one day and he came over to chat. He said, “Linda saw some chick getting into your car the other day,” as if asking a question. I replied, “Yes.” Nothing more was said. The funny part is they haven’t talked to me since, (not my loss.)
I know how hard it is to come out in any situation, and one has to weigh the risks and benefits of doing so. I have a trans friend that was devastated when coming out to her family as they rejected her. She has learned to live with her sorrow. Another friend came out to her family and her daughter, still wishing to give her away at her wedding. As we all know, it is different for everyone. In considering to come out to my family, I question their need to know. My older daughter lives in Georgia, my younger in Maine. My grandson lives in Montana, my granddaughter in Virginia, and the other granddaughter resides in Massachusetts. I will rarely see them. When I do, it will be as a man. I have many brothers and sisters in-law living here in New Jersey and one in Florida. They would not appreciate my circumstance. To me, they don’t have a need to know.
I mentioned that I live two doors away from my wife’s sister. As of the end of March, she has sold her house and moved. While I was sorry to see her go, I am now free to be me fulltime. There is an online social media site called NEXTDOOR. It is often localized to specific areas. There is one for my development of 3,500 houses. I signed up as Janus and came out to my community. The responses were overwhelmingly positive. I received so many welcomes and congratulations. I now do everything as Janus. I take daily walks through the development and chat with the people I run into, I do all my outside chores, like gardening, as Janus. I socialize on the website. I shop in stores. I am truly blessed.
Ladies, my male life has all but ended. While surgery will not happen, my transition is almost complete. I am taking herbal supplements and my natural breasts are growing. My diet is working and soon my figure will be in tune. I am as happy as I’ve ever been. I am here for anyone who would like to chat or ask questions.
Stay safe, be happy. Luv to all.