I have changed my name to Janus! Janus is the Roman god of endings, transitions, and beginnings. This god is often pictured with two faces: either male/male or male/female. I thought it appropriate for my circumstance.
If you read my first article “Beginnings” you are aware of the tumultuous journey I am on. My wife and I planned on moving back to New Jersey to the same development as her sister, two doors away. After my wife’s passing, I went ahead and moved. I lived as Janus from late 2017 to the present, however, only in secret since her sister didn’t know. Life has gone well; I go out and have been accepted and respected as a woman. A butcher at the grocery store still calls me buddy while everyone else calls me ma’am, lol.
The pandemic has slowed social activities considerably. While organized events are few and far between, some of my girlfriends and I get together for a dinner out in small groups. Susan, my BFF, and I celebrated my birthday in October by taking a trip to Virginia, to travel the Skyline Drive. We spent three days enjoying the scenery and just being out and about. It was so fun, and I must admit we were dressed nicer than most of the CIS women we met. Again, we were treated with respect as women.
When we returned I had to crossdress as a man to take care of my 102 year old aunt who had fallen and fractured her arm. Obviously, she does not know about Janus. I stayed with her for two months. Together, we sold her house and furniture, and by December she moved into an assisted living facility. She is still there but keeps falling. The last time she fractured her hip. Now she is bed ridden. I go once a week, in drab, to visit her.
My neighbor’s wife from across the street saw Janus getting in her car one evening and mentioned it to her husband. They are the neighborhood busy bodies. This was before I was fully out. I was in the yard one day and he came over to chat. He said, “Linda saw some chick getting into your car the other day,” as if asking a question. I replied, “Yes.” Nothing more was said. The funny part is they haven’t talked to me since, (not my loss.)
I know how hard it is to come out in any situation, and one has to weigh the risks and benefits of doing so. I have a trans friend that was devastated when coming out to her family as they rejected her. She has learned to live with her sorrow. Another friend came out to her family and her daughter, still wishing to give her away at her wedding. As we all know, it is different for everyone. In considering to come out to my family, I question their need to know. My older daughter lives in Georgia, my younger in Maine. My grandson lives in Montana, my granddaughter in Virginia, and the other granddaughter resides in Massachusetts. I will rarely see them. When I do, it will be as a man. I have many brothers and sisters in-law living here in New Jersey and one in Florida. They would not appreciate my circumstance. To me, they don’t have a need to know.
I mentioned that I live two doors away from my wife’s sister. As of the end of March, she has sold her house and moved. While I was sorry to see her go, I am now free to be me fulltime. There is an online social media site called NEXTDOOR. It is often localized to specific areas. There is one for my development of 3,500 houses. I signed up as Janus and came out to my community. The responses were overwhelmingly positive. I received so many welcomes and congratulations. I now do everything as Janus. I take daily walks through the development and chat with the people I run into, I do all my outside chores, like gardening, as Janus. I socialize on the website. I shop in stores. I am truly blessed.
Ladies, my male life has all but ended. While surgery will not happen, my transition is almost complete. I am taking herbal supplements and my natural breasts are growing. My diet is working and soon my figure will be in tune. I am as happy as I’ve ever been. I am here for anyone who would like to chat or ask questions.
Stay safe, be happy. Luv to all.
Janus
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Janice
Latest posts by Janice (see all)
- Transition - May 23, 2021
- Beginnings - September 8, 2019
Janice, Sorry to hear the loss of your wife, then your aunt’s worsening health. Glad to hear you are happy now being able to just be Janice 24/7 except those few times you visit with certian people and now your neighborhood is accepting of you.
Thank you Sandy. I haven’t felt so free spirited in ages.
It sounds like you have had your challenges, and continue to do so. However it seems as though you have thrived through it all, though it was difficult times, and continues to be with your aunt. The circle of people who know about Amy continues to slowly widen, but my children don’t know, but I believe they would be very accepting. I do think about the “need to know", and they don’t right now, but I do get weary of the deception. I’m so glad to hear your life as woman has gone so well, it provides many others the… Read more »
Thank you Amy. I only hope to give courage to those who need it.
Very moving story thanks for sharing and the inspiration.. Janet
Hi Janet. If just one person gets an assist from my experience, I’ll be happy.
Thank you Janice for posting your very moving story. I have a close friend who fully transitioned about 3 years ago. She came out to everyone. She is doing extremely well. We all have different situations and what is right for one is not right for the other. Thank you again.
Yours Terri
Thank you for your nice comments Terri. I have a friend who is transitioning and has legally changed her name, came out at the office and now lives full time. Her wife and daughters accepted her and she is very happy. I too enjoy the inspiration from others.
Janus, you are an inspiration to me! Thank you,
Eva
Hi Eva. I’m so glad to offer any inspiration you need. Message me any time to chat.
Just a quick update. My aunt passed away last eek. Her funeral was last Friday. God rest her soul.
Janice,
Like the others, I am sorry for your losses but very happy at the acceptance you have found in your community and the huge difference all of these life events have made in your life, for the better. Thank you for sharing your story and I wish you all the best. Hugs, Mona
Thank you Mona. I really appreciate all of the warm and friendly comments.
Janus,
I enjoyed your article very much. Also sorry of your wife’s passing. It is amazing your aunt made it to 102. Good for her!! But with worsening health, reduces quality of life. Glad your quality of life has been good and that you have found some acceptance.
Thank you Alice. Hope your life is going well too.
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