I have learned so much from the forums and articles here at Crossdresser Heaven.  Perhaps it is time to give back a little and share something that happened recently.  It may not seem like much, but it was a huge step for me, and perhaps I can help someone else take that step too.

I have been dressing for years now, always in secret.  Being raised in a strict Christian household taught me that this side of me was something to be discouraged, denied, and hated.  Still, I could not deny who and what I am, and have continued to crossdress.

Recently, I had the time to indulge in a full dressing session including doing my makeup.  It felt great, to say the least, as I’m sure so many of you can attest.  In the past, I have always kept the blinds down and the curtains drawn, holding in my heart the fear that someone would see, would judge, would act to belittle me for what I am.  I do not know what happened that day.  Maybe I was just tired of being scared or maybe I tapped into the vein of rebelliousness that I have deep inside — I do not know.  All I do know is that on this day I decided that I was not going to hide.  The windows were wide open, and I moved about the house, doing my daily chores as Rachel.  For the first time in my life, I no longer cared if I was seen.  It did not seem to matter so much anymore.  I knew I was not ready to announce myself to the world, or go to work as Rachel.  But as if the clouds were suddenly scattered by a strong wind so the sun could beam through, I suddenly felt this part of me was  okay.  I no longer felt like there was something wrong with me, or that I had this dark, awful, shameful secret to keep hidden.

I was suddenly hit with a powerful urge to do something big.  Without stopping to question it, I slipped into my closed-toe, low slung black pumps.  Turning to the dog, I said, “Wanna go out?”.  She knew what that meant and leaped excitedly for the door.  I grabbed her leash, opened the door and out we went.  I stood by the side of the house letting my dog sniff around.  Every nerve in me was humming like a high-tension electric wire.  It was like I was aware of everything around me. The breeze ruffled my skirt, and I felt the wind on my legs.  The sun warmed my face, and I reveled in the exhilaration of being outside.  It was like I was free!

We were only outside for a few minutes, but it felt like I was being born.  I stood differently, I walked differently, and I held my arms differently.  It was like I was really expressing Rachel for the first time.  Going back inside, I was thrilled beyond expression.

I am not saying you need to do what I did.  I am just saying that any step you take, no matter how small, is progress.

Check out the Beauty of a Simple Act as Rachel continues to share her personal and spiritual journey.

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Kelliann Tgurl' class='avatar avatar-64 photo' height='64' width='64' />
Kelliann Tgurl
6 years ago

Awesome……Good for you Rachel…..

Katie Jean (wicked boston girl)

I hope you continue taking steps o. Your journey, no matter where it takes you.

Xoxo katie

April (Pacific Princess)
Active Member

Wonderful. That is how I felt too when I finally decided to just enjoy myself for who I am. So glad for you Rachel.


bizarresuzanne' class='avatar avatar-64 photo' height='64' width='64' />
6 years ago

Loved that story! I have felt that way myself, yet have only been out LATE AT NIGHT when dressed and aroused, teetering up and down the sidewalk in front of my townhouse (after walking the dog), loving it, feeling it, wanting more and yet, teetering quickly back inside if a car approached….both wanting to be seen, yet dreading trying to explain to the less than understanding neighbors (sighs).

Miss Cloe
Managing Ambassador
6 years ago

What a wonderful story and you had a friend at your side! I hope she’s up for longer walks and well behaved too.

I’ve only recently started to go outside the house, but my backyard is very private. A couple weeks ago I sunbathed in a bikini bottom. It felt so naughty, so right and very liberating! I know it wasn’t very daring, but it was a little step forward. Take them where you can!

Lanna Barton
6 years ago

Hi Rachel,

I love your story!!! I did something similar today. Well I did something crazy today. I was dressed in a pink black leggings and pink sneakers. I went out side walked down a 100′ driveway to our male box to pick up the male, Several cars passed by and believe me I was shaking in my shoes. But I did it!!! For a brief moment Lanna was free. What a thrilling, exhilarating experience that was. I guess I just got tired of rides in the country and needed something new….

Janine Milburn
Janine Milburn
6 years ago

Nice story, i did the same thing today, I was wearing tight pants and a bra top and a wig. I went to fetch my mail outside. I loved the feeling during broad daylight. i felt so sexy and hot.

6 years ago

I so can’t do that……sux so much. but i have been a closet dresser for 30 years and i fear thats where i will be forever. Bronwyn

Lisa Laurence
Lisa Laurence
6 years ago
Reply to  Bronwyn


Trusted Member
6 years ago

Wonderful post Rachel! You’re so right, “any step you take, no matter how small, is progress". I too am sometimes overcome by this rebellious side and suddenly I’m going to a store in my neighborhood, in guy mode wearing flats or heels. Or I’m suddenly in a dept store heading to the fitting room holding a dress, bra, and heels and no care who sees me or what they think. But there are times when I’ve had a real “scare" and I wasn’t ready for the feelings of discomfort, fear. Mostly, the odd stares from some odd guys in public… Read more »

Joanna Knight
5 years ago

Way to go sister ! I have been going outside at night for sometime now and love the feeling of being free and the wind on my legs ! I haven’t come out to my family yet but I am thinking about doing so!

Love and hugs,

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