Unbecoming Who You Aren’t

I came across this post by a blogger (named Summer Saldana) on Pinterest and it struck me as particularly apropos to the journey of exploration I and many others here find ourselves on.

“Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything. Maybe it’s about unbecoming everything that isn’t really you, so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.”

So many of us have spent years or even decades absorbing society’s expectations of how we should act, what we should feel and what we can’t do, all based on a brief physical observation immediately after birth. “Boys should be rough and tough, not soft and nurturing”; “Crying means you are weak”; “Only girls can play house or with dolls”; and “Boys can’t wear those clothes”. These expectations may work for many people, but for others they are a yoke that weighs heavily on the shoulders, until one day the mind and soul collapse from carrying the burden of having to behave in ways contrary to the true nature of the person whose inner being doesn’t match their outer shell.

As puberty and adulthood approaches this incongruity becomes more noticeable as our peers put enormous pressure on us to conform to the ‘norm’, so to avoid being ostracized, we deny our true selves and put on a façade that society wants to see. For a while the mask may hold, causing people to think that all is well. Inside however, the conflict remains and eventually the pressure of holding it in builds to an eruption that can cause great pain and destruction, to ourselves and those around us. We need to find a way to relieve the pressure slowly and in a controlled manner, giving everyone, including us, time to adjust to the new realities.

The quote above illustrates one way we might accomplish this. One by one we can shed the parts of us that are dissonant with our inner core, unbecoming the things that aren’t really us. Like a sculptor who chips away at the block of granite or marble, the pieces that are not part of who we are fall to the wayside revealing the wonderful creation that was always present but had been covered before.

We will only truly be happy when we are free from the shackles we had placed upon us in our youth. As we stretch our muscles, the limitations we had previously experienced are removed. A world we might never have known could exist becomes not only visible but achievable. So shed the chains and weight of expectations of society that have kept you from being who you truly were meant to be, and let yourself soar into the future.

More Articles by The Author

Tags:

25
Leave a Reply

avatar
  
smilegrinwinkmrgreenneutraltwistedarrowshockunamusedcooleviloopsrazzrollcryeeklolmadsadexclamationquestionideahmmbegwhewchucklesillyenvyshutmouth
17 Comment threads
8 Thread replies
0 Followers
 
Most reacted comment
Hottest comment thread
20 Comment authors
Kelliann TgurlSophie FrenchiePippi LongMargiedebbie Recent comment authors
  Subscribe  
Notify of
Kelliann
Member

I LOVE THIS,,,,,SO MUCH TRUTH IN THESE WORDS…..

Sophie Frenchie
Guest
Sophie Frenchie

That is a very interesting article Cynthia and easy to relate to by myself and the others that have also made comments. I have spent so many years in denial, to find myself last year finally accepting myself and who I have been for so long. But never able to reveal my secret to anyone in my life. Since last year I have been so much more content and happier with myself since I have been trying live my life as Sophie. I still have some way to go, but the longer I do this, the more natural it feels… Read more »

Pippi Long
Member

Wonderful article Skippy , I totally agree with you . IT seems the older we get the more we peel away our outer shell to get rid of the things that society has identified as . I know i’ve lost a few of those layers myself ! Much love. Pippi

Robin Twain
Guest
Robin Twain

Wow, I cried as I read this writing . That’s me; denying that I have strong, feminine side to me. I “collapsed” under my yoke of oppression about a week ago. For the fisrt time I can trully say I’m happy and I love myself. Robin is my female name and she cries for happiness often this week. Lot’s of dresses, cute PJ’s at night, lip stick, lots of soft girl time with my wife. In fact, when its girl time Ann refers to be as Robin my wife! How cool is that? Next week I’ll be getting a few… Read more »

joey
Member

I agree with you

Margie
Guest
Margie

What a great article! For me this is really deep. I have so much I wish I could say. To keep it brief for now, I lost my wife, of 50 yrs. last month to cancer. She was my crutch in my crossdressing since 2004. It was brutal at first but over time she became accepting in so many great ways. Over the years, like most I guess, I purged. My last big purge was 2 yrs ago when she started having health issues. My wardrobe was beautiful, even by her standards but I gave everything to Goodwill. As time… Read more »

debbie
Guest
debbie

So sad your story made me cry and I am sure she wants you to be happy now even as the woman you hoped to be

Margie
Guest
Margie

Thanks for those kind words Debbie hugs Margie

Dawn
Member

Thank you for the article I have just started looking for a therapist so I can get started with my journey.

Thanks Dawn

Jackie
Member

Cyn you nailed it. This is beautifully written and explained regarding us who just want to be ourselves and not who society thinks we should be for all the selfish reasons they offer. It takes allot of courage to be who we are openly. It’s writings like yours that give so many the encouragement to lead the lives they are meant to live. Perfect on your part. Thank you.

Jane Pembridge
Member

I love this article, sums up how I feel.

Katie Jean (wicked boston girl)
Member

Cyn, she very true thing to think about – what we have become to to society and the life we were born into. Very thought provoking!
Xoxo
Katie

Xeri Renee Alexia
Member

Just read your article, Cynthia. As always, you are spot-on and you speak well for any and all of us who have wanted to explore the outer and unknown reaches of ourselves.

April (Pacific Princess)
Member

Oh Cyn – you are becoming such a great writer! Such an apropos statement – shedding that which is not our true selves. I am working on it day by day, as I know are you.

Hugs,
April

Amber
Member

Really nice article… you are a very good writer. hope to see more articles in the future

MacKenzie Alexandra
Member

Cyn,

This is an interesting view and is quite thought provoking. I had never really looked at my journey from that perspective. Thanx again for sharing.

MacKenzie

Erikka
Guest
Erikka

Hi Cyn. I hope you can give me some advice. I really enjoy dressing, but only for the moment. By that, I mean I love wearing panties and stockings, enjoying the view, then finishing, if you get my drift. I have no desire to do anything more than that. But I definitely enjoy seeing others dressed up. So, i guess my question is,should I continue to enjoy personal moments, or would I like wearing things more, during day. I hope this makes a little sense. Erikka

Lissa
Member

Nice reading Cynthia. It hits the nail on the head l think.

Stacey S
Guest
Stacey S

Great Post loved it keep the good work up. trying to realize more and more who I am.
Hugs,
Stacey s