Unbecoming Who You Aren’t

I came across this post by a blogger (named Summer Saldana) on Pinterest and it struck me as particularly apropos to the journey of exploration I and many others here find ourselves on.

“Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything. Maybe it’s about unbecoming everything that isn’t really you, so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.”

So many of us have spent years or even decades absorbing society’s expectations of how we should act, what we should feel and what we can’t do, all based on a brief physical observation immediately after birth. “Boys should be rough and tough, not soft and nurturing”; “Crying means you are weak”; “Only girls can play house or with dolls”; and “Boys can’t wear those clothes”. These expectations may work for many people, but for others they are a yoke that weighs heavily on the shoulders, until one day the mind and soul collapse from carrying the burden of having to behave in ways contrary to the true nature of the person whose inner being doesn’t match their outer shell.

As puberty and adulthood approaches this incongruity becomes more noticeable as our peers put enormous pressure on us to conform to the ‘norm’, so to avoid being ostracized, we deny our true selves and put on a façade that society wants to see. For a while the mask may hold, causing people to think that all is well. Inside however, the conflict remains and eventually the pressure of holding it in builds to an eruption that can cause great pain and destruction, to ourselves and those around us. We need to find a way to relieve the pressure slowly and in a controlled manner, giving everyone, including us, time to adjust to the new realities.

The quote above illustrates one way we might accomplish this. One by one we can shed the parts of us that are dissonant with our inner core, unbecoming the things that aren’t really us. Like a sculptor who chips away at the block of granite or marble, the pieces that are not part of who we are fall to the wayside revealing the wonderful creation that was always present but had been covered before.

We will only truly be happy when we are free from the shackles we had placed upon us in our youth. As we stretch our muscles, the limitations we had previously experienced are removed. A world we might never have known could exist becomes not only visible but achievable. So shed the chains and weight of expectations of society that have kept you from being who you truly were meant to be, and let yourself soar into the future.

The following two tabs change content below.
Profile photo of skippy1965(Cynthia)

skippy1965(Cynthia)

The Original Cyn, or OC for short. Cynthia is from Richmond Virginia, she crossdresses every day (lucky gal!) and has a knack for tracking down niggling technical issues so we can fix them. She is also on a journey of self-examination to figure out where her feminine journey will lead her, and is always willing to talk with others about their feelings and questions or her own.
Profile photo of skippy1965(Cynthia)

Latest posts by skippy1965(Cynthia) (see all)

Tags:
24 Comments

Leave a reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*

  1. Profile photo of Sophie Frenchie
    Sophie Frenchie 6 days ago

    That is a very interesting article Cynthia and easy to relate to by myself and the others that have also made comments. I have spent so many years in denial, to find myself last year finally accepting myself and who I have been for so long. But never able to reveal my secret to anyone in my life.
    Since last year I have been so much more content and happier with myself since I have been trying live my life as Sophie. I still have some way to go, but the longer I do this, the more natural it feels and the less concerned I am about anyone knowing. It will only be a matter of time before I will not be able to conceal the changes in my appearance anyway. It’s just a little tough sometimes living on your own in a rural community. Apart from the fact that I am English living in France, but I can speak fairly good French luckily.
    Definitely the best site I have come across for someone like me and happy to be part of such a supportive group of individuals xxx

  2. Profile photo of Pippi Long
    Pippi Long 2 months ago

    Wonderful article Skippy , I totally agree with you . IT seems the older we get the more we peel away our outer shell to get rid of the things that society has identified as . I know i’ve lost a few of those layers myself ! Much love. Pippi

  3. Profile photo of Robin Twain
    Robin Twain 2 months ago

    Wow, I cried as I read this writing . That’s me; denying that I have strong, feminine side to me. I “collapsed” under my yoke of oppression about a week ago. For the fisrt time I can trully say I’m happy and I love myself. Robin is my female name and she cries for happiness often this week. Lot’s of dresses, cute PJ’s at night, lip stick, lots of soft girl time with my wife. In fact, when its girl time Ann refers to be as Robin my wife! How cool is that? Next week I’ll be getting a few wigs, shoes and a dress delivered via ebay and Amazon and I can’t wait to get dolled up and post my picture. Looking to find some good friends here. xxxooo!

    • Profile photo of joey
      joey 2 months ago

      I agree with you

    • Profile photo of skippy1965(Cynthia) Author
      skippy1965(Cynthia) 2 months ago

      Robin,
      Thank you for your reply. Knowing that something I wrote helped someone is the greatest feeling a writer can have. Welcome to the site-we look forward to getting tp know you better!’
      Cyn

      • Profile photo of Robin Twain
        Robin Twain 2 months ago

        THank You Cynthia and Joey. I just rubbed my wife’s back for 20-25 minutes while she fell asleep. Last week that wouldn’t have happened. I love being tender and proud of it! Another bonus today – my first pair of heels came today; they’re a little higher than I thought they’s be but who’s kidding who? I love them:) Heading to bed with a pair of my wife’s cute PJ’s on as well as a big smile. I feel complete and living as I should.

  4. Profile photo of Margie
    Margie 2 months ago

    What a great article! For me this is really deep. I have so much I wish I could say. To keep it brief for now, I lost my wife, of 50 yrs. last month to cancer. She was my crutch in my crossdressing since 2004. It was brutal at first but over time she became accepting in so many great ways. Over the years, like most I guess, I purged. My last big purge was 2 yrs ago when she started having health issues. My wardrobe was beautiful, even by her standards but I gave everything to Goodwill. As time went on she knew I wasn’t the same person and I began filling my closet again. Beginning of last year when her diagnoses was cancer I purged again. She knew what I was doing for her. Well, long story short, after “purging” all her clothes I came across some clothes which we shared! I gave some deep thought and … I saved those, along with others that had some deep meaning. So … here I am now crossdressing again. I know down deep this is what I love, and she’d be happy too. Last year we actually talked about what each would do if the other died. We both said we’d never re-marry and I said if she went first I’d likely dress full time and no woman would “want” me! I also said if she went first it would kill me, that part I emphasized. I guess both things are happening now. I can honestly say dressing has helped me somewhat to get through these tough times and my guilt is disappearing. I’ve used many sites years past but this one just seems right, all of 2 days!, to unload and have conversations. While at hospice she made it to or 50th by 2 days. God love her.
    Like Maddie said, hoping 2017 is better for everyone, mine has high promises.
    Whew, that was hard to write dammit!!!
    ~~ hugs & kisses to everyone ~~

    • Profile photo of skippy1965(Cynthia) Author
      skippy1965(Cynthia) 2 months ago

      Margie,
      My heart was in my throat as I read your reply. My parent barely made it to their 50th before my dad passed in 2004. I can only imagine the pain of losing a partner of so many years. My deepest condolences on your loss, and we are so glad you fond our site and hope we can provide some comfort in this difficult time of your life. I know you have so much on your mind and I have written some other articles you might find helpful. One I wrote in the weeks after my mom passed in 2011 about the feeling I Was having after losing my 2nd parent. The link to that is https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/forums/topic/the-journey-of-life/

      There are more things as well. Feel free to PM me for links to other things I have written for the site. I hope you know you are not alone-you now have family here. PLease don’t hesitate to PM any of us and come to the chat room. We are here to support you as you deal with this loss. IT DOES get easier over time. While the pain never goes away, you will enjoy life as I am sure your wife would have wished for you. She will live forever in your heart.

      Hugs,
      Cyn

      • Profile photo of Margie
        Margie 2 months ago

        Thanks for all the encouragement Cyn! It’s sure helpful. So sorry about the loss of your parents as that’s when it becomes “wow, no one to lean on”.

        My mother died in my arms from cancer, just weeks after 9-11 happened, she waited till I got there. She was my idol and my dad died in 2009, he waited till after I left! Strange how things work, I was close to both but … just fate I guess.

        I’ll check out your link later and contact you. My kids are coming over today for support and help with cheering on the Patriots!!

        Hugs
        Margie

    • Profile photo of debbie
      debbie 2 months ago

      So sad your story made me cry and I am sure she wants you to be happy now even as the woman you hoped to be

      • Profile photo of Margie
        Margie 2 months ago

        Thanks for those kind words Debbie hugs Margie

  5. Profile photo of Dawn
    Dawn 2 months ago

    Thank you for the article I have just started looking for a therapist so I can get started with my journey.

    Thanks Dawn

  6. Profile photo of Jackie Wild
    Jackie Wild 2 months ago

    Cyn you nailed it. This is beautifully written and explained regarding us who just want to be ourselves and not who society thinks we should be for all the selfish reasons they offer. It takes allot of courage to be who we are openly. It’s writings like yours that give so many the encouragement to lead the lives they are meant to live. Perfect on your part. Thank you.

  7. Profile photo of Jane Pembridge
    Jane Pembridge 2 months ago

    I love this article, sums up how I feel.

  8. Profile photo of Katie Jean (wicked boston girl)

    Cyn, she very true thing to think about – what we have become to to society and the life we were born into. Very thought provoking!
    Xoxo
    Katie

  9. Profile photo of Xeri (Shortstop)
    Xeri (Shortstop) 3 months ago

    Just read your article, Cynthia. As always, you are spot-on and you speak well for any and all of us who have wanted to explore the outer and unknown reaches of ourselves.

  10. Profile photo of April (Pacific Princess)

    Oh Cyn – you are becoming such a great writer! Such an apropos statement – shedding that which is not our true selves. I am working on it day by day, as I know are you.

    Hugs,
    April

  11. Profile photo of Amber
    Amber 3 months ago

    Really nice article… you are a very good writer. hope to see more articles in the future

  12. Profile photo of MacKenzie Alexandra
    MacKenzie Alexandra 3 months ago

    Cyn,

    This is an interesting view and is quite thought provoking. I had never really looked at my journey from that perspective. Thanx again for sharing.

    MacKenzie

  13. Erikka 3 months ago

    Hi Cyn. I hope you can give me some advice. I really enjoy dressing, but only for the moment. By that, I mean I love wearing panties and stockings, enjoying the view, then finishing, if you get my drift. I have no desire to do anything more than that. But I definitely enjoy seeing others dressed up. So, i guess my question is,should I continue to enjoy personal moments, or would I like wearing things more, during day. I hope this makes a little sense. Erikka

  14. Profile photo of Lissa
    Lissa 3 months ago

    Nice reading Cynthia. It hits the nail on the head l think.

  15. Stacey S 3 months ago

    Great Post loved it keep the good work up. trying to realize more and more who I am.
    Hugs,
    Stacey s

  16. Profile photo of maddie whitman
    maddie whitman 3 months ago

    great article cyn so true keep them coming stay safe stay strong and i hope we all have a great 2017 hugs Maddie

Share
+1
Tweet
Pin

Log in with your credentials

or    

Forgot your details?

Create Account