Overcome your doubt

John 15 1, 7-8: (Jesus said): I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinegrower.7. If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask for whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. My Father is glorified by this, that you bear much fruit and become my disciples.”


(Vanessa had asked that I divide this inspiration into two pieces for ease of reading and thinking on. This is the continuation of the inspiration that started with the story of the Eunuch in Acts. To recap, both of these lessons, the story of the Eunuchin Acts, and the parable of the vine and the vinegrower were read in church on Mother’s Day and were the source for the entire Inspiration.-Vicki)


It seems appropriate then that the image of the vine that Jesus uses in the Gospel followed the lesson of this hungering soul, the eunuch of Acts. Jesus compares himself to a vine, and the Father to the vinegrower. He compares us to offshoots from that vine, and that those who bear fruit, are cared for, pruned and allowed to flourish under the Father’s care and constantly fed by the main vine which is Christ. We cannot live or exist in Christ apart from his sustenance. “Those who abide in me and I in them bear much fruit, but apart from me you can do nothing.” I listened to the verse, understanding again the lesson that in Christ lays the answers we all look for and yet hearing these words as if for the first time and with new understanding. The minister in his sermon used many present day examples to drive the point home, and then asked this question, attempting to tie the two stories together. He allowed that angels, still work in this world, though we probably shouldn’t expect magnificent winged creatures blazing with light to guide us. But, he said, be attentive to the little things and then look inside to test it. He pointed more than once to an area on his torso, between the heart and stomach and peered at the congregation, how do we know it is the Spirit he asked, tapping that region on him self. He didn’t need to provide the answer, for we know where God resides. It is there in our heart that we find not only God abiding in us, but us abiding in God. The lesson was very clear, but my hungering Spirit wanted more.

When one goes out on a journey that might be on a path that would seem new; perhaps by the “experts” of our day to be…forbidden; one wants to be sure that their chosen path is correct. I want to believe that this ministry call I feel so strongly is true. I found myself as the Pastor tapped his heart wanting to shout out, how can we know and trust that “gut” feeling. I am a seeker filled with too many doubts at times, still wanting to believe that it doesn’t matter what I choose to wear, or who I find fulfillment in love with, or even that the body I was given does not match the person that I am. I want to believe that God is not judging us on that. Still the path I am on, the people I seek to reach out to and be reached back to by, are seen by so many as unworthy of God’s love and acceptance. I know many in this community struggle daily with this side of themselves and reject God, because they feel God has rejected them. So I wonder if I might just be wrong and that “they” are right. I formulate the words and want to ask, How can I be sure this is God and not my own selfishness, or my own agenda. It seems even as the words are hanging in the air, “those who abide in me” I am forgetting them. Even as the pastor taps his chest, I am questioning my own heart.

EnFemme Style

Yet, the words stay, the words hang until they can penetrate and take root. I let go of the doubt, look to Jesus, and allow myself to abide in Him, and the fruit begins to flourish. I give up my own agenda, I allow the vinegrower to prune as necessary, and wait for the fruit to appear. God is wise enough to know, if I saw the perils of the journey, I would likely just stay at home. If we knew what lay ahead, joys and sorrow, trials and triumphs, most of us would likely just decide it wasn’t worth it, and choose to live the way we are expected to. But He provides us with the assurance we need. The fruits of our labors would be proof enough. In these first weeks, I’ve found so many of you willing to share your thoughts back to me, to encourage me in small yet important ways. I hesitate to use the term, loaded in our present day world with such negative connotation for people like us. But there it is, you are my fruits, the assurance that Jesus abides in me, and that I am finally beginning to abide in Him. Maybe better to say, you all are my angels, visiting me and pointing me to new paths, all the while giving me that sense of peace that I am on the right path for me. I give thanks to you and I give thanks to God for you all dear readers, and will stay on this path, even though doubt assails me at times. I will strive to remember in Him, we have our strength and purpose and it is in Him only we need seek approval.

En Femme Style

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I’m passionate about creating a safe space for everyone in the transgender community to find laughter and friendship on their journey. I completed my physical transition in 2011 and through it I lost everything, and gained everything. I am blessed that I was forced to gaze inward and embark on the journey to discover and live my authentic self. My deepest wish is that all who wander here may find peace, happiness and freedom.
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13 years ago

I have your rss feed on my destop sidebar, but this trend to religion stories on your site is very disturbing. All religion is a terrible scam perpetrated on the people of the world, and I find this offensive. Especially so, since the christian religion finds crossdressing, along with any other type of different sexual expression to be abhorrent. I am baffled as to why you would support a group of people who, by and large, find you to be anathema. I will be removing your feed from my sidebar, and I will not be frequenting this site any more.

Susan Veronica
Susan Veronica
12 years ago
Reply to  Vanessa Law

I agree with your message all the way. Is too bad Ray felt that way. But he’s following the pharisee and saducee of our modern age and that’s why he’s so disappointed and that’s his fault not yours. I follow Jesus, not people.


12 years ago

Hi Vanessa, I wanted to get in on this comment. As a Christian and a crossdresser, I have to agree that religion in general can be a scam. Look at some of these mega-churches that are popping up these days with thier multi-million dollar edificesdesigned to”reach the masses with the Gospel’. Come on now! How in the world can they ever reach the masses when there is all the budgetary expences to meet every month, not to mention the staff it takes to maintain these facilities. And, of course, there’s the pastors salary. You get the picture. Couldn’t there be… Read more »

Susan Veronica
Susan Veronica
12 years ago
Reply to  Ragina

Dear Ragina, We’re not even supposed to call other people rabbis or fathers or pastors or ministers. We are supposed to be all brothers and let those names to the only True One, Jesus. I am happy that you found a true church to go to. I have been to a few of them and I finally gave up on them for been wrong, not on Jesus who’s right. Remember that Jesus at the final step will send a lot of those so called Christians to hell by saying and I paraphrase; You’ve never been in my ways. To bad… Read more »

9 years ago

I cannot find in your writing how it is ok with God to cross dress, even for humor which I like if ok. How do you mesh this type of dressing with the Bible? I’ve been searching the Web for answers for long and some don’t reply after one e-mail that they send. It seems that its too much for them to care that I find humor in dressing this way-lets say if its ok. So, any ways, how do you mesh cross dressing and the Bible-can the Bible be used rightly to verify its ok? Thanks.

Brian Boehrs
Brian Boehrs
5 years ago
Reply to  Nick

ok so ik u posted like 4 years ago and i apologize and i dont even know if u still care at this point. but my view is this: i think crossdressing in general is ok because its just clothes and who the heck cares. i cant imagine jesus wearing female clothes when he was on earth, but then again i cant imagine him skydiving or going to a water park or stuff like that. his life was fully involved in his ministry so he didnt do much other than that. i think it gets a little “ifsy” for justifying… Read more »

8 years ago

As a pastor who has just come out to his wife and found her very supportive I feel drawn to answer. Jesus’ counsel that “you will know them by their fruit” seems relevant. Clothing unless it has demeaning writing on it is a neutral aspect of life. If the world is to be judged by whether each person (and nation) feeds the hungry, clothes the naked, visits those in prison and you can do these things in any kind of clothing then clothing does not count in terms of ultimate issues. If dressing as a woman enables a man to… Read more »

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dean ritter
5 years ago

confusion is a result….too much information…thats our society…fast knowledge without scholarly research…our worlds rat race…we dont have time to take time to hear…so our faith waivers…our eyes are not spiritual…blindness creeps in and out…. solution: keep it simple…humble yourself….all sin everyday…only Jesus is pure… the sin we all do is never fully understood…our faults…our mistakes…whers the score board???who has it?no mans scoreboard is going to control me….Gods time is to be followed…who has Gods watch?….phil 1:20,21 in nothing i should be ashamed… my prayer everyday: i ask you to forgive me that i hinder not thy holy spirit and forgive… Read more »

Leslies Ann Gray Girl
Active Member
4 years ago

Hi Vanessa Every night i say my prayers to God and thank him for sending mankind our savior, Jesus and i thank him for being in my life, as i have excepted him for this. As i understand, the Bible says that a man shall not dress as woman or woman as man correct me if i am wrong.But i am not man i have and have always been female , and in my prayers i have thanked him for helping me come to grips with this dominate person inside me screaming to come out. I will not hate others… Read more »

Dame Veronica Graunwolf
Active Member

Vanessa! You astound me….were do you find these stories of inspiration????? Vicki”s article on Christian Cross Dressing is so well written and inspirational. As a Knight Templar of The Temple of Solomon…..I too embrace these thoughts and it is part of our oath of allegence to the Holy Roman Empire. However, I think there are other things the bible should contain for modern situations and I have written a couple of extra Commandments. Christ and Jesus are not in my heart……but…..in my brain. I get thing for life from there. I believe that I am their Angel sent to earth… Read more »

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