I have not met most of you unless you were one of my FB friends before I decided to pull the plug on my nearly 1,000 “friends.” I am now rethinking that decision after a session with my counselor who has helped me come to grips with my genderfluid self over the past three-plus years. She is a “butch lesbian” (her description) and pointed out that the CD/gender non-conforming community will never be accepted if we do not at least have visibility within the LGBTQ community.
I work from home and I can be Carrie virtually whenever I want. I am lucky to have a supportive wife. I shop for groceries, go out to eat and spend time as Carrie pretty much at will. In the past year I have pulled back from the local groups, Denver’s Gender Identity Center, the GBLT center in Denver, Out Boulder County and our local Tri-Ess group just because I felt some conflict in all of the groups. I get the, “So, you are genderfluid, huh? When are you going to transition/pick a side/get comfortable and admit you are a woman?” In the LGBTQ community I would say gender non-conforming people are the least understood of any group and by pulling back I added to that. In the general community, I am very visible – except nobody notices because I have a nice wardrobe and I dress to blend even though I am 5’10” and 185 pounds.
What I mean by this is that by staying closeted and on forums where all of us feel safe we run the risk of our community becoming even more marginalized. While there is the serious concern for safety, especially with today’s political climate, there are “safe harbors” in virtually every city across the US in the form of LGBTQ centers. As genderfluid (sorry, I just do not like CROSSDRESSER as my label – when I am Carrie, I am Carrie for days or weeks and do not feel like I am crossdressing, but I know I AM part of the community) I need to help other LGBTQ people see that there are a LOT of others like me.
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Carrie Lynn
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- Visibility for the gender non-conforming community - June 30, 2018
Hi Carrie it shouldn’t be up to other people how you live your life but it seems that more and more people think that you should live by their ideal’s and not your’s, if some people are happy staying in the closet then that’s their business and nobody else’s, in all walks of life whether if you are gay, straight, bi, or transgender they want you to fit in a box and wear a label, shoes are what you put in boxes not people and the only label you should wear is my name is!!!!!! Hugs Rozalyne x
Hi Rozalyne, thank you for the reply. I definitely agree that how far “out" a person wants to go is totally up to that person. I just want to be sure it is safe for those who want to be more public, as I am. As for labels, I hear that a lot, kind of like the song DON’T FENCE ME IN by Cole Porter. I agree to some extent, but when meeting new people (or coming out to old friends!) it is useful to me to have a descriptor which is both accurate and helps stimulate conversation and questions… Read more »
Another great article thank you so much
THANKS!
Thanks for the insights Carrie. What I take away from your article is that no matter the label we should be more willing to get out there in the world and support differences in people whether gay, lesbian, gender non conformist etc as they all have many various labels as well. These communities of people esspecially the LGTBQ folks are the ones that have paved many paths already. I have the pleasure of going to an LGBT lounge and the folks there are wonderful and very supportive. I also had the pleasure of meeting and talking to Helen Boyd who… Read more »
Hi Maggie, thank you for the reply. I hope people who read my article do not take it as personal criticism if they feel they must stay in the closet. I get it. However, if we are ever to have a society safe for us to come out there have to be those who are able and willing to pave the way. I actually have an article in mind about staying safe while still being more public. As a community, the genderfluid or CD community, is very closeted much like the lesbian, gay, bi and trans communities before us. As… Read more »
Carrie, I am a trans woman and have known for quite some time. I started my transition a little over a year ago. I have not gotten involved in the local LGBTQ community where I live currently. I was more active in my early 20’s when marching for gay rights than I have been for my own. This last weekend I went out to protest what has been happening out west with the migrant / child issues. While in the same month I did not participate in pride. I don’t feel guilty for it and for the most part it… Read more »
Mia, thank you for the reply. I think that for most who transition the goal is to live a binary life, but on the other side of the fence and not straddling it like many of us do. I get that and support it. The non-binary/genderfluid/CD community needs pioneers so that one day generations to come can be as comfortable living that non-binary existence as you are living your life now. For you in transition I am sure you are Mia regardless of presentation, whereas, for me Carrie is a state of mind that is usually only present when presenting… Read more »
Nicely said Carrie. We use labels so we can relate to other people but it’s a shame that those same labels also act as a filter and sometimes run unwanted interference. It’s almost unconscionable that any in the T community would use labels to separate others from our community. I identify as crossdresser but I could just as well be gender non-forming, genderfluid or just plain transgender. What difference does it make. I’m still a part-time girl when I want to be. I’ve been exploring the use of these different terms for some time so this is a most helpful… Read more »
Hi Tasi, Thank you for the informative stuff. I have not had a chance to go through it all yet, but I will. I agree that many counselors are just not equipped to deal with “part time girls." We were so lucky to find a counselor who has experience across the gender and LGBTQ spectrum. I have to give kudos to my wife for digging until she found the person who fit for both of us. In the general public, part of the problem, visibility-wise, is people just assume I am transitioning, I think. If I have time to discuss… Read more »
Sorry this is a test to see if I can comment given the performance issues I am experiencing.
Hi Cynthia,
You could at least say “HI!!" LOL. Hope your weekend is great!
Carrie
I much prefer the term genderfluid than crossdresser because genderfluid describes what I am while crossdresser describes what I do (sometimes?). And I totally see genderfluid is being under the Q umbrella in LGBTQ. Nevertheless, it’ll take more time for the stigma to be lessened in the public sphere.
Hi Stacy,
It sounds as if you feel much as I do. Thank you for sharing!
Carrie
A very interesting article. With most of it I’m in total agreement. I firmly advocate that we, in the trans community, quit hiding. I say this after years of hiding myself. The LGB community got no where when they were being as secretive as possible. It wasn’t until a significant number of them came out publicly that any of them were able to establish rights and acceptance from the general public by convincing the general public that they were upstanding citizens who’s only difference from the general population was their sexual preference. We likewise need to be visible so that… Read more »
That is a great addendum to what I wrote.
Thank you for sharing!
Carrie
Thank you so much Carrie Lynn! Yes, I will try!!! <3
Well, I know that I have at least a couple of letters covered! Haley