Since first writing of Nikki’s journey, I have received many requests to provide an update. Nikki too has encouraged me to write a part three of her story. Given that, I may somewhat be committed. Writing the story of someone’s life, adventures, or experiences was not on my “To Do” list. In fact, I never believed that I could until coming to Crossdresser Heaven, and writing my first article. I am not by any means class A writer or nonfiction story teller, but I do believe that by sharing someone’s struggles and fears to develop into the person who she truly is not only helps the person in question, but can help countless others, as well. It is with this motivation that I share more of Nikki’s journey of discovering her true self.
Since part one and part two were first written, there has been a lot of development in Nikki’s life. It has not been all good and positive, I regret to say. As far as the fact that Nikki is one of us is an absolute, and she does not regret her decision to come out. We both, however, agree that we could have gone about it in another way. Perhaps, Nikki telling her wife solo (and not dressed) would have been a better way. However, it was Nikki’s decision for me to be with her when she did and I was. Her wife has naturally asked for, no demanded a divorce, and wants to prohibit Nikki from seeing their two children. The children are still in the dark about why daddy does not come home. Nikki’s wife has allowed Nikki and the children to talk on the phone together with some strict restrictions. One is that Nikki is not to say anything about her lifestyle whatsoever, which may the proper call for now.
Nikki has read all the responses to the earlier parts of her story, as well as several other articles. They, the responses and other articles, have been a blessing to Nikki for bringing the hope which she holds in her heart. She wishes to say thank you for each one. Nikki hopes her story will turn out the same as it has for so many here, that eventually she will face acceptance and understanding from the ones who she so dearly loves. As far as her wife and some others are concerned, Nikki selfishly did what she did with no regard for anyone, but herself. We know that is far from the truth. How can someone then move forward when so many people in her life refuse to try and understand her and have the mindsets that she is a bad person and do not deserve forgiveness or understanding?
Personally, I am not a therapist or a professional in the field of psychology and behavioral health. What I do have, though, is something many who do hold degrees in such fields do not have — personal hands-on experience of what Nikki is facing. As I have explained to Nikki, many of us have been through the ringer, or are still in the closet with our lifestyles. I, myself, was very fortunate when it came to support as I have a very loving sister who helped me in the beginning, and still supports me today. It was not, though, cake for me in the beginning either. Nikki and I have spent countless hours talking about what she is going through. I have made sure she understands not have any expectations of anyone. When she told her wife everything, Nikki later told me that she had the great expectation of her wife saying “Oh, so you wear dresses, sleep with men, and hang out with drag queens and crossdressers. Okay, it’s all good. Here’s a big hug for you, and I wish you the best life,” since Nikki and her wife had had a not so bad life together. Would that not be grand for all of us? What I have learned is that expectations are nothing, but premeditated resentments. I did, however, explain that some resentments followed by different degrees of hate, dislike, and a host of other negative feelings can be mended with the correct approach. Yet, despite this glimmer of hope, it remains the other person’s decision whether or not to allow himself to learn about this lifestyle.
As this sad situation continues to unfold for Nikki, I would like to ask everyone to let her know there are many people who understand, and to send their love and support. Thankfully, Nikki has met a lot of my friends, and has made new friends of her own, which is helping. Nikki is beginning to believe that all of this is going to get better, and she will have her new life as she wants. She is accepting the fact that she may never have any kind of relationship with her soon to be ex-wife again. But as for her two children, I continue helping her stay positive that she will once again see them. The hardest part will be whether Nikki’s children will be able to accept their father as Nikki, and become a part of her life once again. It is a lot for anyone to take in, for sure.
It is crazy how some who live this lifestyle daily do not think about Nikki’s situation until it is in front of them and someone is asking for their help. It was no different for me, but I have made a promise to myself that I will always try to help people. I always have been a person to do what I can for someone in need. I truly believe that Nikki’s heart is pure. She only wants to do what is best whether it initially causes pain or not, and I am proud that I have been able to offer my assistance. I truly hope you have enjoyed this piece, and that it may give someone struggling with these same issues hope or inspiration in their own life or journey.
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Jackie, reading this third part of your series reminds me of something you told me recently. And that is, “why would anyone go thru such humiliation, loss of family and friends, spend egads of money on our clothes, makeup, shoes, hair, nails, so much time getting dressed, putting our makeup on and in the end sleeping with men if we weren’t made this way"?
Thank you for being here for us Jackie!
Oh Julie thank you and your welcome. I love helping people when it’s needed. In fact I assisted my neighbor the other day when he was working on his car. I didn’t really know what tool he was asking for when he asked so it took me a minute while he explained what it looked like haha before I could hand it to him under the car, thank God he was patient with me lol. Thank You again for such kind words. Stay strong sister.
Thank you April for the comment. Her wife is still so angry. Nikki was here at my house the other day grabbing some things that her wives sister brought for her. Doorbell rang I opened it and there she stood. She blames me for some reason and me only. I too hope she comes around for everyone’s sake especially her children.
Hi Jackie, thanks so much for sharing Part 3 of Nikki’s story. It is very sad that Nikki’s wife had the reaction she did. I reread Parts 1 and 2 to remind myself. As for Nikki, yes she definitely needs to know that there are many of us here that understand her journey and can provide love and support. When I told my wife that I was a CD, I was not dressed. And she is okay with me dressing as long as she doesn’t have to participate. Although she has seen me in full dress and makeup, my wife… Read more »
Thanks Krista for the inspirational words. She did agree to go to a therapist just as I and countless other’s have. I think she is going to find that though she has so much support here at CDH and here where we live that a professional experienced therapist will bring much more light into the whole thing. And though her wife believes I played a major role regarding this time I do pray she too will go see one or a psychologist soon that I’m certain will shed new light on the situation. As for part 4 well, there’s plenty… Read more »
She is lucky to have a good friend like you to help her navigate these difficult shals!
Cyn
Hi Skippy thank you for your comment. I don’t know, I have always tried to help anyone who came to me. In school I always defended the under dog or weak (got my but kicked a couple of times but they seemed to back off afterwards." Nothing like a mad half crazy Tranny to jump in and make a jerk out of the one’s starting crap!
Dear Jackie and Nikki. May the Good Lord smile down on you both. I am saddened that family and friends, those who say they are….can ostracize you in an instant because you have decided to be different. I have suffered ridicule too but you know what…..I decided to be me and do what makes me happy….no-body else. From deep in my heart, I say this to you both. Even if you two are green 2 headed 6 legged monsters………I love you both body and soul and your welcome to my castle as my friends and soul mates…..uncatagoricelly. The road to… Read more »
So true. I still hear ridicule and sny remarks from some of my family but it deters me none. Not as bad as it was in junior and high school though. I believe in divine intervention and spiritual awakenings and I think both are going to make themselves present one day hopefully sooner than later that will change some minds and outlooks. As diversity has played a huge role in most of our lives the old saying “what don’t kill us will and does make us stronger". I believe in that wholeheartedly!
Hang in there I’ll keep you in my prayers. I’ve been thinking alot about this. Basically the uniary direction some take with regards to equal rights. If a woman dresses masculine its considered liberating or androgynous. If a man does it hes considered gay or effiminate. Nikki know that your power lies in you are more that the whole. You have the strength of a man and the sensitivity of a woman. Let that be your badge of honor when people would ridicule you. It’s a hard walk but if you wear your gender on your sleeve and take honor… Read more »
Excellent advice Victoria with such strong meaning and inspiration, thank you.
Nikki faces a tough road ahead and she is lucky to have a friend like you Jackie. I think that for all the problems I have with my wife because I am a crossdresser, it must be tenfold as difficult for someone who is truly TG and bi at the same time. I only hope her children are able to eventually understand that she is the same loving person she has always been, and that her love for them has not changed.
April
Thank you April for the comment. Her wife is still so angry. Nikki was here at my house the other day grabbing some things that her wives sister brought for her. Doorbell rang I opened it and there she stood. She blames me for some reason and me only. I too hope she comes around for everyone’s sake especially her children.
Hatred is not a good emotion to carry with you for someone who you professed to love only a short while ago. I can see that she might be hurt by Nikki’s revelation, but hatred…………….. that is just so sad.
April
Thank you so much for sharing this. I am a crossdresser that finally told my wife after 30+ years. The good side she knew from her research I would not stop and we have an agreement on when I can dress. The bad news is she will not except my feminine side at all and does not like it. As I (we) work through this it is a tremendous help to me to know what others have done and gone through in similar situation. Anyone that has any suggestions for me please email me. I know each situation is not… Read more »
Cathy there is clothing to fit anyone big or small. I don’t think I quite understand what your asking me except for the clothing issue. As far as the sexuality part you mentioned which should be discussed in private and not here. Perhaps you could write an article regarding your situation and get feedback from other members. Best, Jackie….
Tammy I would say time will handle your situation but I think it would be misleading you. Maybe your wife would accept and agree to seeing a therapist together. A large percentage of us have therapist in our lives. I personally am not married and don’t face the same issues as many of you here do here, but I have had to deal with somewhat similar situations where as an x partner wanted me to stop doing drag and dressing in my daily 24/7 fashion. I refused to dispose of or change my complete wardrobe just because he decided how… Read more »
Hi Jackie , i am cathy here in Connecticut . I am bi not out an no one k ows i am into this i want to dress an go out if with right people i have to get things i need an as a man i am very big 6ft1 250 wide back shoulders an arms 21 inch . Love to talk more I love the name Cathy an i used name Trina . I love dping what a women does such as in sex one thing only done once but loved it an want more oral i have… Read more »
Not sure I follow what you are saying / asking?
Cathy there is clothing to fit anyone big or small. I don’t think I quite understand what your asking me except for the clothing issue. As far as the sexuality part you mentioned which should be discussed in private and not here. Perhaps you could write an article regarding your situation and get feedback from other members. Best, Jackie….
Nikki; Wives are so unpredictable, for some unknown reason for the last 80 years ago they are allowed to cross dress daily and no one cares. For us now we can’t, I keep asking myself why the double standard? It is not fair. I do believe in that women have a hard time separating sex from gender and what male sex represents to them. it has taken me 11 years since I came out to my wife for her to move to some sort of acceptance. My clothes are in the closet and dresser, I have 25 pairs of shoes,… Read more »
Dani, I too think its unfair that women can crossdress with no stares & men cant. Half the women in our small town have no female looks. My wife does wear dresses & has long hair, so I cant use her as an example that she should allow me to be feminine. However once when she was gone, I accidentally found a large slip in the drawer that was too big for her. I tried it on, & loved it so much that I didn’t take it off for day after she came home. She saw that I was wearing… Read more »
Hi Esther,
I want to grow my breasts from the A cup they are now to a B cup. I bought myself a 42 A bra which feels so good cupping my breasts that I do have. What are you using for breast growth? How long was it until she noticed? Thanks! TTFN
Danielle
Many of us figured out we were “different" before we met our wives and spouses. We put that difference aside, tried to start new lives with women we think of as amazing, struggle for years with our shadow personas, then finally get tired of the hiding and want to be honest. So sad that for many of us, we don’t get the acceptance we crave from those we love the most. Our spouses say it’s selfish, selfless, but many don’t realize just how much we had to give just to survive from those first moments we realized we’re “different" to… Read more »