Since first writing of Nikki’s journey, I have received many requests to provide an update.  Nikki too has encouraged me to write a part three of her story.  Given that, I may somewhat be committed.  Writing the story of someone’s life, adventures, or experiences was not on my “To Do” list.  In fact, I never believed that I could until coming to Crossdresser Heaven, and writing my first article.  I am not by any means class A writer or nonfiction story teller, but I do believe that by sharing someone’s struggles and fears to develop into the person who she truly is not only helps the person in question, but can help countless others, as well. It is with this motivation that I share more of Nikki’s journey of discovering her true self.

Since part one and  part two were first written, there has been a lot of development in Nikki’s life.  It has not been all good and positive, I regret to say.  As far as the fact that Nikki is one of us is an absolute, and she does not regret her decision to come out.  We both, however, agree that we could have gone about it in another way.  Perhaps, Nikki telling her wife solo (and not dressed) would have been a better way. However, it was Nikki’s decision for me to be with her when she did and I was.  Her wife has naturally asked for, no demanded a divorce, and wants to prohibit Nikki from seeing their two children.  The children are still in the dark about why daddy does not come home.  Nikki’s wife has allowed Nikki and the children to talk on the phone together with some strict restrictions.  One is that Nikki is not to say anything about her lifestyle whatsoever, which may the proper call for now.

Nikki has read all the responses to the earlier parts of her story, as well as several other articles.  They, the responses and other articles, have been a blessing to Nikki for bringing the hope which she holds in her heart.  She wishes to say thank you for each one.   Nikki hopes her story will turn out the same as it has for so many here, that eventually she will face acceptance and understanding from the ones who she so dearly loves.  As far as her wife and some others are concerned, Nikki selfishly did what she did with no regard for anyone, but herself.  We know that is far from the truth.  How can someone then move forward when so many people in her life refuse to try and understand her and have the mindsets that she is a bad person and do not deserve forgiveness or understanding?

Personally, I am not a therapist or a professional in the field of psychology and behavioral health.  What I do have, though, is something many who do hold degrees in such fields do not have — personal hands-on experience of what Nikki is facing.  As I have explained to Nikki, many of us have been through the ringer, or are still in the closet with our lifestyles.  I, myself, was very fortunate when it came to support as I have a very loving sister who helped me in the beginning, and still supports me today.  It was not, though, cake for me in the  beginning either.  Nikki and I have spent countless hours talking about what she is going through.  I have made sure she understands not have any expectations of anyone.  When she told her wife everything, Nikki later told me that she had the great expectation of her wife saying “Oh, so you wear dresses, sleep with men, and hang out with drag queens and crossdressers.  Okay, it’s all good.  Here’s a big hug for you, and I wish you the best life,” since Nikki and her wife had had a not so bad life together.  Would that not be grand for all of us?  What I have learned is that expectations are nothing, but premeditated resentments.  I did, however, explain that some resentments followed by different degrees of hate, dislike, and a host of other negative feelings can be mended with the correct approach.  Yet, despite this glimmer of hope, it remains the other person’s decision whether or not to allow himself to learn about this lifestyle.

As this sad situation continues to unfold for Nikki, I would like to ask everyone to let her know there are many people who understand, and to send their love and support.  Thankfully, Nikki has met a lot of my friends, and has made new friends of her own, which is helping.  Nikki is beginning to believe that all of this is going to get better, and she will have her new life as she wants.  She is accepting the fact that she may never have any kind of relationship with her soon to be ex-wife again.  But as for her two children, I continue helping her stay positive that she will once again see them.  The hardest part will be whether Nikki’s children will be able to accept their father as Nikki, and become a part of her life once again.  It is a lot for anyone to take in, for sure.

It is crazy how some who live this lifestyle daily do not think about Nikki’s situation until it is in front of them and someone is asking for their help.  It was no different for me, but I have made a promise to myself that I will always try to help people.  I always have been a person to do what I can for someone in need.  I truly believe that Nikki’s heart is pure.  She only wants to do what is best whether it initially causes pain or not, and I am proud that I have been able to offer my assistance.  I truly hope you have enjoyed this piece, and that it may give someone struggling with these same issues hope or inspiration in their own life or journey.

En Femme Discover Woman Within

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Raquel Mendoza
Raquel Mendoza
3 years ago

Hey u also started at a young age. I would wear my sisters panties at 12 yrs old and I began fully dressing in their clothes when I was 13. Would love another girl to talk sometimes I need advice and be able to talk to someone its overwhelming having all these feelings and secrets and desires and not. Having any body to talk to about it. Would love to chat sometims

Veronica Raines
Duchess
Member
3 years ago

Hello Nikki. You are so brave. I just finished reading about you, and I can’t stop crying. I don’t know what else to say, except you are loved, by so many of us, who want to follow in your footsteps.

Darcy Anne Damulakis
Darcy Anne Damulakis
3 years ago

Having just come out as well to my kids and brother and leaving a miserable marriage recently, I was lucky to have support from my kids and my brother. I am also putting myself out there to make friends as Darcy as well. However, this article is very fitting for all of us and Nikki is gorgeous. I am sure she is also finding that she is the happiest with herself than she has ever been. We owe it to ourselves to be happy and being complete and whole in our femininity is what we strive to be.

Felishia Lopez
Felishia Lopez
3 years ago

You go girl, that’s the most important thing is to be happy

Felishia Lopez
Felishia Lopez
3 years ago

Jackie you are so beautiful I really wish I can be just as beautiful as you

Felishia Lopez
Felishia Lopez
3 years ago
Reply to  Jackie

Your welcome honey

Felishia Lopez
Felishia Lopez
3 years ago

You go girl, that’s the most important thing is to be happy

Isabella
Isabella
3 years ago

Your story really moved me in so many ways , thank you for taking the time and energy to write and publish it
You are an inspiration, a wonderful human being
The universe will provide for Niki as shes living her truth which is the hlghest state one can reach
Love and best wishes
Isabella.

Rowan Ailbhe Williams
Rowan Ailbhe Williams
3 years ago

My marriage split up a year ago…getting ready to divorce her soon. I want to say that part of it is my cross dressing, as she knew a little of it and although she did not really.like it she is broad minded enough to let it go….until my (daughter) now son came out as a trans man….naturally she blamed me….wahhhtevs…. The reality of the situation is that she is a narrow, narcissistic controlling….umm..yeah… As soon as she lost control of me she began to back bite using my fem side as a weapon.. What ever….bye Felicia. The kids woke up… Read more »

jamme mac' class='avatar avatar-64 photo' height='64' width='64' />
jamme mac
3 years ago

Nikki,
Don’t just walk in stride. Stand tall and strut proudly. You are home!

T.J. Byron
Duchess
Trusted Member
2 years ago

Jackie;
Looks like you are able singer/ musician…meets too!
Would love to chat…you look Fabulous!…more pics please!
drtimbyron@gmail.com.
LOVED CDH…trustworthy connection to like minded FOLKS

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