Walking Into The Light, Part 3

Since first writing of Nikki’s journey, I have received many requests to provide an update. Nikki too has encouraged me to write a part three of her story. Given that, I may somewhat be committed. Writing the story of someone’s life, adventures, or experiences was not on my “To Do” list. In fact, I never believed that I could until coming to Crossdresser Heaven, and writing my first article. I am not by any means class A writer or nonfiction story teller, but I do believe that by sharing someone’s struggles and fears to develop into the person who she truly is not only helps the person in question, but can help countless others, as well. It is with this motivation that I share more of Nikki’s journey of discovering her true self.

Since part one and part two were first written, there has been a lot of development in Nikki’s life. It has not been all good and positive, I regret to say. As far as the fact that Nikki is one of us is an absolute, and she does not regret her decision to come out. We both, however, agree that we could have gone about it in another way. Perhaps, Nikki telling her wife solo (and not dressed) would have been a better way. However, it was Nikki’s decision for me to be with her when she did and I was. Her wife has naturally asked for, no demanded a divorce, and wants to prohibit Nikki from seeing their two children. The children are still in the dark about why daddy does not come home. Nikki’s wife has allowed Nikki and the children to talk on the phone together with some strict restrictions. One is that Nikki is not to say anything about her lifestyle whatsoever, which may the proper call for now.

Nikki has read all the responses to the earlier parts of her story, as well as several other articles. They, the responses and other articles, have been a blessing to Nikki for bringing the hope which she holds in her heart. She wishes to say thank you for each one. Nikki hopes her story will turn out the same as it has for so many here, that eventually she will face acceptance and understanding from the ones who she so dearly loves. As far as her wife and some others are concerned, Nikki selfishly did what she did with no regard for anyone, but herself. We know that is far from the truth. How can someone then move forward when so many people in her life refuse to try and understand her and have the mindsets that she is a bad person and do not deserve forgiveness or understanding?

Personally, I am not a therapist or a professional in the field of psychology and behavioral health. What I do have, though, is something many who do hold degrees in such fields do not have — personal hands-on experience of what Nikki is facing. As I have explained to Nikki, many of us have been through the ringer, or are still in the closet with our lifestyles. I, myself, was very fortunate when it came to support as I have a very loving sister who helped me in the beginning, and still supports me today. It was not, though, cake for me in the beginning either. Nikki and I have spent countless hours talking about what she is going through. I have made sure she understands not have any expectations of anyone. When she told her wife everything, Nikki later told me that she had the great expectation of her wife saying “Oh, so you wear dresses, sleep with men, and hang out with drag queens and crossdressers. Okay, it’s all good. Here’s a big hug for you, and I wish you the best life,” since Nikki and her wife had had a not so bad life together. Would that not be grand for all of us? What I have learned is that expectations are nothing, but premeditated resentments. I did, however, explain that some resentments followed by different degrees of hate, dislike, and a host of other negative feelings can be mended with the correct approach. Yet, despite this glimmer of hope, it remains the other person’s decision whether or not to allow himself to learn about this lifestyle.

As this sad situation continues to unfold for Nikki, I would like to ask everyone to let her know there are many people who understand, and to send their love and support. Thankfully, Nikki has met a lot of my friends, and has made new friends of her own, which is helping. Nikki is beginning to believe that all of this is going to get better, and she will have her new life as she wants. She is accepting the fact that she may never have any kind of relationship with her soon to be ex-wife again. But as for her two children, I continue helping her stay positive that she will once again see them. The hardest part will be whether Nikki’s children will be able to accept their father as Nikki, and become a part of her life once again. It is a lot for anyone to take in, for sure.

It is crazy how some who live this lifestyle daily do not think about Nikki’s situation until it is in front of them and someone is asking for their help. It was no different for me, but I have made a promise to myself that I will always try to help people. I always have been a person to do what I can for someone in need. I truly believe that Nikki’s heart is pure. She only wants to do what is best whether it initially causes pain or not, and I am proud that I have been able to offer my assistance. I truly hope you have enjoyed this piece, and that it may give someone struggling with these same issues hope or inspiration in their own life or journey.