I, like so many others who knew from early on, I was meant to walk a different road. As a child, we kids would play from dawn to dusk. We played all kinds of games and my fave was always dress up. The girls would make us dress in their clothes and they would do likewise with our clothes.

As I grew older, the desire to dress only got stronger. By the time I reached my teens, it became apparent that I was different. What was supposed to be gynecomastia and temporary turned out to be permanent along with the strong feminine desires to look pretty and girly.

I’ve been with women who put up with my cross dressing and those who didn’t. The thing is I’m not gay! I haven’t any urge to explore that possibility either. There are things you definitely know about yourself, and I certainly know I am not gay! This is a common assumption many girls make when they find out you have a thrill for cross dressing into lady’s clothing.

I walked through my home town en femme one day and it was a very liberating experience. I kept walking until I reached a cousin’s house to do laundry and at that time and place, I let the cat out of the bag to everyone there! They were stunned but accepting which made it a moment I still cherish to this day. That was 30 plus years and two ex wives ago. Now I’m someone who is starting over with being true to my inner self.

My youngest boy is still at home and was made aware of the possibility I’m a cross dresser by his mother who tried to make it an issue during our custody battle. However, he has never actually seen me en femme. I will one day tell him the entire story from start to where I’m at to date with my cross dressing.  I have tried a few times to share the truth regarding my cross dressing, however, I could never manage to garner the strength to let it all out.

I feel more liberated today and my confidence is growing in me to be true to my inner being. I started my latest collection of frillies about a year ago. It’s been a long and lonely road keeping things inside. I am planning to hopefully go on an adventure where I can meet up with a group of girls like me and spend time sharing with each other the cross dressing stories of our lives and experiences that have given us strength along the way. We will then make each other stronger knowing we are no longer walking a lonely road.

Finding this site (Crossdresser Heaven) has been a blessing for me as I live in a rural setting and everybody knows your name and your business as with most small towns. As a result, I have kept Jezzebelle quiet until finding this site. Thank you all for being there and for your restless spirits to help me find the road to inner peace.

__________________________________________________

Do most of you girls have to stay in the closet and keep your thrill of cross dressing a deep secret from everyone in your family?

When you first shared the fact that you were into cross dressing and how long you’ve been doing it, what was the reaction of the very first person you shared this secret with?

What do you do to deal with any guilt or shame you many have as a result of your cross dressing? And did you finally get past any guilt or shame you initially dealt with in the early years of your cross dressing?

Thank you so very much for taking the time to read my article.

If you have a reply to any of the questions I’ve noted above, please feel free to share your thoughts or experiences with me!

Sincerely, Jezzebelle

 

 

 

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Jezzebelle Sanchez

I'm a sixty year old guy who has been in a closet for too many years, now that I am a single person my youngest is soon to leave home and now I can explore enfemme to the fullest.

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Bianca Everdene
Lady
Active Member

Hi Jezebel’s Thanks for sharing your story. Nobody in my daily life knows about my cross dressing, so I guess in that respect am in the closet. I have been out on numerous occasions in full Bianca mode, with, make up, dress or skirt, heels etc, never in my hometown though. I guess it is a kind of disguise but allows me to explore femininity in public while maintaining anonymity. It is just such a buzz to go out en femme, feels so good and gives me a sense of wellbeing( after I got over the nerves and realised I… Read more »

skippy1965 Cynthia
Ambassador
Trusted Member

Though I am not out 24/7, I am hiding Cyn less and less every day. The number of people who know about Cyn(not including the thousands of wonderful folks here on site) is probably now several dozen. I have no qualms being out in public now-my only worries are about work(I need my job ) and my adult daughter (who is not thrilled with this part of me and doesn’t wanna see it at all). But I can honestly say the shame I used to feel is just about gone-the only remnants a slight fear/worry about some folks reactions. But… Read more »

Brenda Scott
Lady
Member

I myself don’t have to hide anything from my wife. When we met in college I didn’t know it at the time but she already knew I dressed up. It turns out she briefly worked at a second hand clothing store I would shop at. She saw me come in one time and bought clothes for myself. The lady I usually went to was there but so was my future wife, who had just started and was learning the ropes. We ended up in the same class when she recognized me. She was the one who approached me. At the… Read more »

Very Cherry
Lady
Member

Your life is what all ours should be. I glad for you. My wife does not know and can never know. I hate having to hide this side of me when I think of how great it would be to open and share the joy with the one I love most in life. I know very well how she feels about a male doing anything female and the disgust she has for it. If she ever finds out, it will end badly and very vocally for a 50 year+ marriage. It’s a shame and wrong that she feels that way,… Read more »

Brenda Scott
Lady
Member

In my case even though how it came out is quite different than many I don’t take advantage of it as some might think. I’m very mindful that my wife has a husband and not just a girlfriend. Sometimes when we go shopping it’s not about me, I make sure it’s all about her. She knows she comes before my dressing and I like to keep it that way. At times she’s requested time with “Brenda” and I put my male self on hold for as long as she wants. Sometimes when we’ve vacationed it’s all her husband and I… Read more »

skippy1965 Cynthia
Ambassador
Trusted Member

Brenda-don’t sweat the plane trip; TSA and flight crews are well experienced. I’ve flown three time ms;(well six if you count round trips) and had ZERO issues and was treated very nicely by all. As noted be sure you use your LEGAL ID and they don’t pay any attention to any “discrepancies” between the ID and your presentation. Enjoy!!
Cyn

Very Cherry
Lady
Member

Thank you Brenda for your reply. Your wife is special in so many loving ways. I won’t lie my wife special to me and that’s why I hide my other self from her. She is loving in so many ways and has always been my champion. I wish I could share my joy of CD with her like you have with your wife. I know if she was accepting and as your wife has shown enjoying you as Brenda on vacation. My if she was like yours would make sure I had every detail right from make up to the… Read more »

julieta nava
Lady

asi es, el deseo de vestir y manifestarse como mujer es algo que envidio, yo igual que tu creo no soy gay, siento que soy mujer y a mi me gustaria tener esposo, o novio, o pareja masculina, pero tu historia es lo que deseamos muchas. This is the desire to dress and manifesting myself as a woman is something that i envy, just like you, i don´t think i´m gay, i fell that i am woman and i would like to have a husband, boyfrienf or male partner, but your history is what we would like many.

Katie Collins
Lady
Active Member

Hi All, I can empathise with all your thoughts here. I’m still in the closet after 30 years of happy marriage and 3 great children, now in their twenties. I would love to share my secret with my wife, but am scared it would change our relationship. No idea how she would react although I’m sure she would never leave me. I’ve ventured out a few times recently en femme and find it truly liberating. Next step is to meet up with other cross dressers at a club about 20 miles from where I live. It’s strange that cross dressing… Read more »

Diana Istali
Lady
Member

What about starting in steps before telling your wife, like what does she think about crossdressers, dragqueens, as well as the recent increase in male to female transitions like Bruce Jenner though that might not be a good example lol. Get her opinions on this subject matter first and test receptiveness. However after you being married for a long period of time, if you have not discussed this topic I still think you might have a good idea of how receptive or not receptive she will be. I was married for 16 years to a gal from Mexico – very… Read more »

Katie Collins
Lady
Active Member

Thanks for your response Diana. I’m a happy person anyway but I would probably feel happier if I could be Katie a little more often. If I came out to my wife, I’m sure she would be less happy. As I’ve lived with it for so long and our relationship is great, I’m in no hurry to change things. One thing is for sure, CDH has been a great place to open up; something which I’ve never been able to do before. One thing I often wonder: if I had told my wife about it before I proposed to her,… Read more »

Daisy Marie
Duchess
Active Member

Hello Jezzebelle, Thank you for sharing your story. Also, I loved the picture you chose….I’d love to have a closet like this. Shoes, clothes, colours……so amazing…… About me, I’m still living in the closet and most of the times I get dressed I am in the house of the crossdresser I pay to store my clothes. There were few times I got dressed at home when my parents and my brother were absent and for a short time. Another thrill for me happens when I purchase any girly stuff in retail stores. I use a hidden pocket in my backpack… Read more »

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