We are who we strive to be!

I saw an ad for an online university and one particular line stood out to me. The announcer’s voice was trying to be encouraging when he said, “Talent is evenly distributed, but opportunities are not.” As I heard those words, I realized that while they SOUNDED good at a glance, they were in fact, patently untrue! If they WERE, then I would have the basketball expertise of Michael Jordan, the intelligence of Einstein, the voice of Celine Dion, and the body of Cindy Crawford….all clearly NOT the case. Talents, skills, and attributes are not and never WILL be evenly distributed.

Similarly, opportunities vary widely for different people. This can be due to economic status, geographic location, family dynamics, genetic inheritances, and hundreds of other factors. We as a society strive to provide opportunities to as many folks as possible to help them overcome the obstacles they face in achieving their dreams. But there will always be inequalities here as well.

What then can we do to achieve our dreams-whether they are fame, fortune, a good job, a loving family, or being true to our authentic selves? As I thought about it, I realized that the key difference between those who succeed in their quest, despite the obstacles placed before them, and those who fail, despite their inherent advantages, is in the attitude and effort they exhibit. When faced with a disadvantaged position (such as growing up in a broken home or in a poor neighborhood or being physically handicapped…. Or being transgendered), that each could choose one of two attitudes.

Unleash Your Inner Woman

First you could decide that you are a victim-of fate, of societal forces, or just plain bad luck. But that attitude just leads you to wallow in self-pity and does nothing to help you achieve your dreams. This is not limited to those who are truly disadvantaged either. Even those with a lot going for them can lose it all or fail to achieve their goals because they don’t put in the effort-choosing to seek out pity despite their favorable circumstances, feeling as if they still don’t have as much as someone else does.

OR… you can decide that you WILL succeed despite your circumstances. With effort and a positive attitude, many folks have overcome incredible hardships to capture their full potential and succeed beyond their wildest dreams. They see their obstacles as opportunities, the chance to become stronger by overcoming their struggles. In doing so, they inspire others to follow their example. No one denies that inequities exist, but by achieving your goals through hard work, you can help illuminate those inequities to the world-a world that despite what some might say to the contrary, DOES have the capability of changing attitudes for the better.

So as I navigate my journey toward an as yet unknown destination, I choose to celebrate my uniqueness, to work my hardest at overcoming any obstacles life confronts me with, and to try to inspire others to do the same. And maybe, just maybe, together we can change the world!


With apologies to Teddy Roosevelt for re-writing his quote “It’s Not the Critic Who Counts”-one of my dad’s favorite quotes.

It’s not the critic who counts; not the woman who points out how the crossdresser gets read, or where the person who left her home dressed could have looked better. The credit belongs to the woman who is actually in the arena, whose makeup is slightly smeared from nervous perspiration; who dares go out into the world; who fails to pass, coming short again and again, because there is no venturing out without initial failures and fiascos; but who actually DOES try and pass in the world; who knows great joy at going out dressed; working hard on her outfit and deportment; who gives her all in reaching for the stars; who at the best is accepted by the world as female ; and who at the worst, if she fails, at least fails while daring to reach her dream, so that her place will never be with those timid souls who hide at home and never try.

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The Original Cyn, or OC for short. Cynthia is from Richmond Virginia, she crossdresses every day (lucky gal!) and has a knack for tracking down niggling technical issues so we can fix them. She is also on a journey of self-examination to figure out where her feminine journey will lead her, and is always willing to talk with others about their feelings and questions or her own.

Latest posts by *skippy1965(Cynthia) (see all)


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  1. fiona moss 2 weeks ago

    Hi Cyn, I agree with everything you say. There are two types of people, the do’ers and non do’ers. Do’ers do not take no for an answer, they strive to get on and do their level best to succeed. The non do’ers on the other hand, wallow in their own self pity and expect everything to be done for them. I think most of us here have had issues in our lives that were not good, me included, but does it make you stronger or weaker? that is up to you. Life really is what you make of it. I have read so many stories here, of members who have sunk to the bottom but have managed to come back to the surface and succeed.
    Great article Cyn! maybe, I should take note of it too! try to stay positive girls!!

    Fiona xxx

    P.S. you look beautiful Cyn 🙂 xx

    • Author

      Thanks Fiona! You are too kind! I think we all need a reminder at times to stand up for ourselves.

    • Char 2 weeks ago

      Victims or Creators haha and some are workin on opening the curtains, and that’s a victory too! Doing nothing is a choice. . .until you Decide, to do something… 🙂

  2. Mona 2 weeks ago

    Really great article Cyn – thanks so much for sharing it (and your wonderful self) with us. I particularly like your variation of the Teddy Roosevelt quote – well done and so applicable here! Hugs and kisses, Mona

  3. Tina Caffero 2 weeks ago

    Everyone has a time. Very often there aren’t two people that have the same issues in their life. Advantages we all have, most with a large variable. Non are the same. There are things that are important to some that aren’t to others. And self-sacrifice has its own rewards.
    I help people every day that don’t do things right. Either they don’t know how or there lazy. or possibly they really don’t comprehend the just of the problem and don’t want to admit to it or talk about it. I did that for 40 yrs before I had a computer. I thought I was the only freak that had to be fem. I didn’t understand. I hated it because it F*&^^% with my life. And back then you got beat up for less than that just wanting, needing to be a girl.
    There’s no cut and dry answers. But we have each other I hope. We need to pay attention to the issues of one another and if we don’t then this heaven Is BS.

  4. Sidney Silver 2 weeks ago

    Lovely sentiments all around Cyn. I align closely with what you talk about.
    I try to encourage myself and others to go about life joyfully, with intent and purpose.
    Thank you for writing and sharing.

    • Author

      Sidney-thanks! I really believe we get what we expect/demand. If we are meek and timid and cowering, it only encourages others to marginalize us. If we are outgoing and confident and smiling, no one can stop us!

  5. Char 2 weeks ago

    Beautiful Dear!! You know, I was thinking again hahaha we write here and share here an done day a year we all show up for a parade,,,I agree so much with what you’ve said here Cyn, i think that there needs to be a buss load of beautiful souls, maybe one per state, and province, like us travelling around, being seen in restaurants, road side burger joints, shopping malls and government front lawns , being respectful, dressed respectful, speaking respectful and “showing” people that they have nothing to fear of us. I think, the more we’re out there, the sooner we’ll be seen as Normal by those who don’t understand us…whatchya think Babe?

    I Am so proud of you my dear friend; I raise my chilled white wine and smile 🙂
    Thanks for being exactly who you are!
    n huggles Cyn

    • Author

      Char-I love the idea. Truly being ambassadors for the community! Thanks for your kind words-and taking the time to say them!

      • Char 1 week ago

        OMG it would be sooo fun to do too hahaha, I would come there just for that hahaha I think I might be expanding Cyn hahaha 😮 😉 😀

  6. Gisela Claudine 2 weeks ago

    A great article Cyn. I love it. Very inspiring. I am able to extract valuable lessons from this emotional text. Life does not feel the obligation to be fair. Never feel sorry for yourself. Never give up. Keep fighting. If you fall take it as a lesson and learn from it. When you struggle you can become strong. In perseverance, there is usually the difference between succes and failure. Have high-flying dreams and never surrender. You are unique. Thank you Cyn.

  7. Rain 2 weeks ago

    Cynthia you are a very nice and kind person . I love talking with you , happy to be a friend . hope you are here for a long time to come . Loves and hugs

  8. Anne Preuss 2 weeks ago

    Wonderful article Cynthia. I truly agree with all of your expressed sentiments. I think the best gift a parent can pass along to their child(ren) would be the disposition of mind that they as individuals are ultimately, in the end, mainly responsible for where they end up in life. Certainly we are influenced by external and internal forces beyond our control, but it is up to the individual to make choices, be they good or bad, that are the primary influencers of how their life turns out.

    • Author

      So true Anne. Self-reliance and not basing your worth on others’ opinions of yourself are cornerstones of success in life.

      • Char 6 days ago

        completely agreed Cyn 🙂

  9. Sandi Santora 2 weeks ago

    Been there, done that! Well written.

  10. Jackie 2 weeks ago

    Cyn you have again give us an inspirational note/article. I love it and love the new photo. I’ve said it before, you rock. I have allot of respect for you. Keep em comin, Jackie…..

    • Author

      Aww thanks Jackie. YOU are the one that rocks. When I look in the dictionary under confident, I see YOUR picture!

      • Jackie 1 week ago

        Cyn you really know how to make a girl feel awesome (not to mention get teary eyed), thank you dear.

  11. bronwyn barron 2 weeks ago

    Hi Cynthia, while your words of encouragement are inspirational, they are somewhat wasted on me. I will be a closet dresser till i die. I have accepted that and have no desire to go further in my fem life.
    And looking at the comments here tells me that your encouraging words are of great value to the other girls here. Bronwyn

    • Author

      Bronwyn, while not EVERY one can or even wants to go out (for any variety of reasons), you can still be true to yourself and value yourself. If you are happy, then that is what matters!

  12. Stephanie Flowers 1 week ago

    Beautifully written cyn , life offers us so many challenges and to this successes becomes our strengths as to failures brings in reality in one’s lives. To accomplish success draws a mindset to be positive in believing in one’s self , to be able to overcome and to conquer . A decision to move ahead in something that all of us face in our lives and must be recognized as true to your values even though situations dictate the opposite. In the end it’s you and only you who should feel right about pursuing your goal . Arise with Confidence show the pride found inside. it’s truly a compassionate time and opening up could cause failures but is just part of moving forward to dreams close to one’s heart.

  13. Again – very relevant article Cyn!

    I do hope, however, that we all realize though that as well as talent and opportunity – fortitude, attitude, and internal makeup are also not evenly distributed. So often we hear someone say “she just needs to have a better attitude” or “she just needs to work harder” and my answer is “well – duh!” Easier said than done sometimes. I know that I have been battling depression for most of my life and without the help of friends and family and some great doctors I would probably be dead by now.

    Now I own my life and my depression and I assume responsibility for the point where my life is today, but if I had been born with other talents, opportunities and a non-depressed mental state maybe things would have been exponentially easier. Who knows? I understand that I am facing a set of problems that are my own, yet, in many ways pre determined by who and what I am and my inborn, internal makeup.

    And I know many ladies here face similar obstacles. My hope is that we all find it within ourselves to be as open as we can to understanding that much of people’s makeup is beyond their control without a whole lot of love, understanding, and patience on our parts. We all make progress at our own pace – with the help of those who love and care about us enough to wait as we come along.


    • Author

      I agree with you-and it’s why I try to always listen to folks and be encouraging to folks. I hope by always displaying my own optimism and enthusiasm that it will help others to be able to do so too!

  14. Andrea Adlerberg 1 week ago

    Great article Cyn. Attitude is truly the foundation for success. The adaptation of TR’s quote was the icing on the cake !

  15. Isabelle 1 week ago

    Very insightful, as always – many thanks for this article Cyn. I do relate to your point about making the effort as a crossdresser. While the result may not always be perfect, it is always so fulfilling to make the effort, with no regrets. Despite all the doubts we may each of us have, and probably understandably so, about going out and trying to live a normal life ‘en femme’ and blend in, I have observed that I am accepted for who I am, pretty much all the time, simply for making the effort to be Isabelle, with a positive attitude. As Fiona said, life really is what you make of it.
    Keep up the great work.
    Isabelle xxx

  16. JaiymeLynne 7 days ago

    Hi Cyn,
    Thank you for your inspirational message. We who take on this journey of self expression and discovery are valiant and courageous. But we must, to be true to our hearts. And take opportunity as it arises in order to be the person we are meant to be, whole and happy.

    • Author

      I know this site has made an enormous impact on my life and it was through the love and support and encouragement from my friends here that I finally shook off the shackles of fear and ventured out into the world. The worry about what the world in general would think of me has nearly disappeared. I still have a ways to go as far as my concern over friends and acquaintances and coworkers giving me a hard time or rejecting me preventing me from coming completely out of the shadows. But I am slowly allowing Cyn to peek out in those areas of my life and have told three or four more friends about Cyn recently and been accepted-at least in the abstract and seeing pictures. We’ll have to see if that translates into them being comfortable being around me in person while I am in full Cyn mode but every step is a bit closer to just being “ME” and letting the world see me for all of who I am.

      And trust me-if I (as the paralyzingly shy introverted quiet person that I am) can do it, than ANYONE can!

      • JaiymeLynne 1 day ago

        Thank you Cyn. Your words are encouraging. I’ve a long way to go, but 1 day at a time is my mantra.

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