For nearly 15 years I have been haunted by a quote from the book and movie, “A River Runs Through It”. Every time I consider the difficult path I am on in forging a new understanding with my partner I think of these words:

“Each one of us here today will at one time in our lives look upon a loved one who is in need and ask the same question: We are willing to help, Lord, but what, if anything, is needed? For it is true, we can seldom help those closest to us. Either we don’t know what part of ourselves to give or, more often than not, the part we have to give is not wanted. And so it is those we live with and should know who elude us. But we can still love them – we can love completely without complete understanding.”-From A River Runs Through It.

As a crossdresser, I believe these words have significant importance, not only to the crossdressers but equally so to our significant others, be it wives or girlfriends. In trying to fathom just what my partner must be feeling, I try to present my thoughts to her in a way she may more fully understand just who I am and to assuage her fears as well. Yet how can I truly understand what she needs from me. As dearly as I want her to understand what is happening to me I may be saying and doing the things she needs least from me. Where there should be better understanding oftentimes there is less. But our love seems patient and I believe strongly in our future as we approach retirement.

And for her, well, I know what I need from her. I need her acceptance, support, and love. But above all, I need her to love me completely, even if she does not or may never understand this part of me. I know this is the hope for a high percentage of crossdressers and it is certainly one key to my living a fulfilling life.

But if a crossdresser and his partner cannot understand each other then how can there be love? I believe by accepting that each of us is a spirit unto ourselves, separate and alone and that we will never understand or even be aware of another person’s heart fully. Complete understanding of another is not a prerequisite for a loving relationship. Love is truly blind.

Admittedly, the process of integrating what is essentially a new person into a long-term loving relationship is challenging at best. Coming out to your partner will end some relationships while others will reach an understanding and a fortunate few will have their relationships grow and prosper. Is it possible that those that succeed have found continued happiness for the very reason that both of them were simply devoted to the other and loved without complete understanding? It’s also possible that relationships that fail supposedly because of crossdressing had many more issues that tore them apart that were not even related to crossdressing. We all have divorced friends and have heard both sides, truly the reasons couples part are many.

There are many people in our lives who we love; parents, children, lovers, wives, and partners. Do we completely understand them? Probably not. But we love them anyway. They each have traits that encourage love while at the same time there’s a part of them that we just don’t understand. If they are good, kind, and loving people we love them. Our lives are made richer in this way.

Crossdresser Superstore

Crossdressing is an undeniable part of mankind taking its place somewhere along the transgender spectrum. We are real and for the most part, loving and caring men who seek nothing more than love and acceptance if not complete understanding.

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Bobbi Scott

Hi girls, Like most of the ladies here at CDH, I've been cross dressing off and on all my life. And like so many of us here, as we've gotten older and the responsibilities of life have lessened I've found the time to explore my feminine side much more fully. I have a supportive SO who truly understands this is part of who I am and while she does not care to participate in my dressing she does make allowances for my need. She loves me and isn't going anywhere so all in all, I feel blessed.

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Katie Kat
3 years ago

Hello Bobbi. Thank you for sharing. When reading the quote that haunts you, I recalled what my wife ( she is a counselor ) often says, “We give to our partner what we want.” In other words, if we want our partner to tell us they love us, we will often say it to them. If we want flowers, we will buy some for them, etc. So look closely at what she “gives” you, and you may have the answers for what she “needs.” This may not be true 100% of the time, but by paying closer attention we may… Read more »

skippy1965 Cynthia
Trusted Member
3 years ago

Lovely article Bobbi! My own marriage was ended as you said by a number of issues though my dressing was certainly one of the larger ones, i think perhaps she suspected (and perhaps knew more than I) that there was “something” more than just the clothes-though I am still figuring out what that is! Your advice is excellent-I tried to do that but was ultimately unsuccessful. Still I hope that maybe-just maybe- ONE day I will find someone who can see past the outer trappings to the person I am inside. Until that day, I’ll continue to explore who I… Read more »

Managing Ambassador
3 years ago

This is an awesome article! I believe we can love and accept someone completely even if we don’t understand everything about them.

I find myself wanting to know and understand everything about the CD close to my heart.
That might not ever happen but I still love, respect and accept them completely.

Thanks for sharing.

Danielle Wayne
Trusted Member
3 years ago

This is an awesome story. I am a life long crossdresser, but have very recently come out to my wife within the last two months. We have been married almost 4 years now. We have had some good talks and as of right now, is supportive. She is not quite ready though to see my femme side. Through the support of this site and articles like yours, I am taking it very slow and listening to her and trying to put her feelings above mine. Hopefully someday she will see my dressing is not a threat and I will be… Read more »

April (Pacific Princess)
Active Member

Lovely story Bobbi. And I think you have nailed it. We can’t know exactly what our partner is thinking or what she needs, but we can offer patience, love, and acceptance.


Carly Bell
3 years ago

Hi girls new here c/dressing in private still .wife will not expect. Reading article like these one helps thanks

Khloe West
3 years ago

Lovely read and spot on in many arenas.

Understanding can be as relative an arena as any or many. 3+ decades of in law relation with those I thought would “get it” ended with not a single word or question and that side rather treats me as if I had never existed,

The other side of in-law/s? that I thought would be less likely to “get it”? Utterly accepting and “get it” at a far deeper level than I might have ever anticipated.

Go figure!

Dame Veronica Graunwolf
Active Member

Hi Bobbi……..thank you for your thoughts and story. Yes, as we head down the road of life, we learn what is truly important in life. Not all the fancy stuff the media tell us that we need. What is the most important thing in life is the love of a significant other and a true friend, who is their thru thick and thin and asks nothing in return accept friendship and love.


Lady Veronica

Miss P
3 years ago

Bobbi, I am glad to add my thanks. I appreciate your clarity, honesty, and style in the writing. For years, as with many, many others felt that I would be rejected because of my desire to cross dress. When I finally spoke to my wife, I realized that she was more able to cope with this than I feared. It is still a journey of conversation and exploration but I am glad to have a partner who continues to love me even as she does not understand all of this just as I do not fully understand it all myself.… Read more »

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