What am I becoming? What am I Now?

I’ve struggled with this question in the past, and still do. It stemmed in part from a common expression put to me by a couple of my long time male friends, who know nothing about the existence of Amy, and a shared concern of all as to where we are going. I like the analogy that this life is like a transit bus that we are all on right now, and though we may have gotten on at different stations and then off at different places along the way, we are all here right now.

I cant say that I’d ever been a macho kind of guy. I do have a few male friends that I really don’t want to open up to about my femme side. I’m sure it would be the gamut of reactions, some I would lose, some might not care, others would find their interaction with me forever coloured by their knowledge of Amy.

So, getting back to this, one gent referred to me as an “Honest man,” and then a few days later another used the phrase, “You’re an easy man to get along with.” Well, I sincerely hope both are true, but it got me wanting to say something like, what if I don’t look like a man? What am I then?

Around the same time, I went to a cross gender boutique for some clothes plus a few other items in drab and a similar conversation ensued. After a bit of discussion, I was told, well, “Here you’re a girl”! That might certainly be true, too! That’s when it started to hit home to me, I’m really not what I used to be, and it was a very scary thought.

It was then that another friend of mine used this old expression to again describe me, “You’re an easy man to get along with.” Wow, I thought, if only you could see me when I’m dolled up ready to go out with the other “girls.” What would you say or think? I’m not sure how understanding he would be if he knew of my femme side. Though, isn’t that always the conundrum; who is going to be understanding and who isn’t? One never really knows until you open up. For now, I’m definitely not opening up to that side of my life.

In the past, when I simply dressed the odd time it was for fun and relaxation, it didn’t seem to intrude on my male person. Since late 2018, my Amy side has grown exponentially, and I wonder about some of those old clichés that were used to describe me. Are they still true? I used to describe myself as a “Regular Guy.” Though, I suppose it depends on what regular is… If it means a hetero guy who likes women and tries to be very good to them, who doesn’t smoke, doesn’t drink much beer, doesn’t gamble, etc. etc., then that would have been me. Maybe you’d think that would be a boring guy!

As Amy started to grow her wings, the phrase “regular guy” doesn’t seem to really fit anymore. Now if by a regular guy you mean someone who owns more women’s clothes than his wife (shoes too!), gets dolled up in them a few times a month and even goes out. That would be me. However, I rather think my male friends wouldn’t agree and describe that as a regular guy!

You can say the use of labels gets in the way of the truth about what we really are, which can be true, but often times one needs the label to be able to feel you belong somewhere, anywhere. I know that I do, if you, dear reader feel different, that’s a good thing and this dilemma isn’t one we share.

So whatever the truth seems to be, it really comes down to this. We are what we are, very complex beings with many different facets to our personalities and lives. For many of us, there are defiantly demons we have to tame or at least come to some kind of peace with. For me, I am more at peace with myself of late, as I’ve come to realize and fully accept that I need to check the box at the bottom of the column, beside “All of the Above”

For those who know the old me, I am still that regular guy. To my newer friends, here and elsewhere that know of Amy, I’m that crossdresser girl with nice legs.

For myself, I’m simply me, regardless of how I look or feel at the time.


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Amy Myers

I'm 60+, hetro, married, and love dressing up! I keep saying and feeling like I'm new to this, but I have dressed from time to time since my pre teens, but just late 2018 it seems to have become of a bigger part of me, rather than just a role I played from time to time. I'm interested in music, cars, photography, and plus other interests.

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Candy Greta
1 month ago

I juggled with this my whole life it’s caused anxiety depression addiction. But I’ve come to a stage in life where I want to just truly be myself and not have to hide keeping this secret anymore I’ve done since age5 I’m 40now. I know who I truly am and want to live my life as I wish not hiding this and having to put a front on and be the big tough macho man people think I am because I’ve had to become that man. To hide and keep my Secret I have for decades I’m tired of hiding… Read more »

skippy1965 Cynthia
Trusted Member
skippy1965 Cynthia (@skippy1965)
1 month ago

As a good friend once told me- “Labels are for cans not people”! Be who you are- be kind to others and treat others as you would have them treat you.

Araminta Purdy
Araminta Purdy (@araminta)
1 month ago

To me it is fairly simple. When you are feminine (and I do not mean some man messing around with clothing) you are a woman. When you are masculine, you are a man. That is why I distinguish between ‘woman’ (gender) and ‘female’ (sex). Your sex is peripheral and does not nor should not define your gender. The only think I advise is that, when you are a woman be a lady and when a man, be a gentleman. Pretty much the same thing really, just different presentations (alterable) and personalities (modifiable). So, what are you becoming? Hopefully a lady… Read more »

courtneyjo (@courtneyjojohnson)
1 month ago

Love this article. So well written and applicable to myself. Makes me feel good knowing my sense of being is someone else’s as well! Thanks, Amy.

Active Member
Char (@charee)
28 days ago

Thankyou for your article Amy,, I am grateful dear. I Am That, I Am hehehe I wrestled sooo long with the label thing and one day i changed my mind. I decided to stop looking for a lable because I was,am, as complex as the colors in the peddles of a lili flower. I decided that I am waaaayyyy to big for a box of any size and a label means to me, a construct or set of rules of what “fits” in that box or this. I decided that I am that,,,everything in all the boxes and I decide… Read more »

Active Member
Char (@charee)
28 days ago
Reply to  Amy Myers

it does, and its sooo worth it dear…one thing a day no matter how big or small will get us where we want to go 😉
Huggles dear

Stephanie Kennedy
Active Member
Stephanie Kennedy (@qtestephy)
27 days ago

Hi Amy I truly understand your dilemma. We all come to a point in our lives where we stop and take a breath because we are tired. We are beginning the last quarter of life. The past went by in a blink. We may have to get new friendships just because our interest have changed but you have not changed as a person. Instead of some one saying you are a nice guy. It may change to a nice person then as time goes on it will change again to you are a lovely lady. The people who care for… Read more »

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