Okay, here’s the question I pose to all the girls here and everywhere: why do we do this? “This” being dressed as a woman and being in public. I know there are as many answers as there are CDers and TG girls.
What precipitated this was a conversation I had with my wife last night. We had just spent 6 hours in a big mall in Boca Raton, FL with me en femme and were driving home. The backstory is I came out to her on Halloween night (see my story “The Night I Lost My Monster”) and since then we’ve gone out a number of times as girlfriends. She is so very supportive and mentors me (“don’t walk like a football player, you’re a lady” “ladies don’t order that,” “remember in the ladies’ room, toes forward!”). But she caught me by total surprise on the road with the question, “Why do you feel the need to be dressed as Kathryn and be in public? What drives you to do this?”
Whoa! What a question to be asked…especially on a crowded highway in a rainstorm! I couldn’t provide a coherent answer! I really don’t know why! I love dressing up and being as female as I can be, but I do not want to transition, I like being a man, I don’t want to be a woman 24/7. So, why do I feel compelled to dress and go out as Kathryn? I’ve been grappling with this for 60+ years. I’ve read scientific literature studies, lay articles, been part of CD groups, been in chat rooms…I don’t think anyone really knows where this “thing” comes from.
So, I tried to provide some context to my compulsion and failed miserably. I told her that no CDer I’ve communicated with could answer that question. I explained to her that for me, it is a need…a need that I can’t rationalize or understand. I simply need to do it. I am not looking for attention (or at least not that I’m aware of), I try to blend in as best I can. I think I’ve been okay with this; everywhere we’ve gone, I’ve been addressed as “ma’am or lady or girl.”
I guess I’ve become comfortable with being out as Kathryn and it just feels natural. I know it’s still me behind the makeup and clothing. But there is a difference in attitudes or interactions when you are en femme versus being a guy. People are a bit more pleasant, or so it seems.
In closing, all I can say to provide my own answer is that having suppressed my urges for decades, the freedom that came Halloween Night is amazing! I love being Kathryn, and Kathryn loves being out and about as an older woman without hang-ups. I guess the need to be me in all my aspects of life is strong now that I am older. For me, life is good!
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For all of you girls out there in Crossdresser Heaven land, I have a few simple questions I would like to ask each one of you directly, so here they are:
- Can you explain to me what drives your need to go out in public while you’ve got your total girl on?
- What are the reasons, if you haven’t been out in public as a girl, which are keeping you from going out in public as a girl for the very first time?
- If you have been out in public as a girl, what was your experience like on your very first time out in total femme mode? And was it a positive or negative experience for you?
- Would you like to tell me what outfit you chose to wear from top to bottom on your first public appearance out as a girl? And did you feel awkward or comfortable in the outfit you chose to wear on that very first night out?
Thank you for taking the time to read my article and for possibly having an answer to one or more of the questions posed above!
Sincerely, Kathryn
Hi, first time really out on my own was after what I considered a very good makeover (had two previously which did not give me the conficence), it was in Amsterdam and when the “girl" had done the makeover, she told me “sister" and ordered a taxi to take me back to the hotel… I was a little worried and even more when another lady entered the lift.. I tried to look the other way hoping she would not notice. The safely back in my room having time to study the transformation doen to me, decided to catch a taxi… Read more »
oops I am not a computer expert – part of the text seems to have wanished…?!! I start over again First of all, thank you for an interesting subject and article. Why do we do this? a difficult question to reply to in my case as up to now have no answer inspite having now dressed for more than 30 years, wife caught me suggesting councilling (which I did not – why?; knowing I enjoyed it – how could counsillor understand?). Inspite this, continued dressing hoping not to be caught or subject brought up again…. just making my dressing more… Read more »
Thank you Helene for your input. Loved your story. Keep working on it, Sister!
Hugs, Kathryn
I have not gone out in public. Me and my wife, we are still trying to get comfortable when I cross dress in front of her. But I think it is natural for us cross dressers to want to go out. The female in us also wants to interact with more people, and leave her influence on others. When we dress as woman, she can freely come out and express herself to others as well. Its that freedom that we are after I guess.
First of all, I don’t have any idea what drives me to want to go out into the world as a woman, I just do. Not a good answer, but the best I have. I’ve been out quite a few times, and actually I’ve lost count of how many times it is now. The very first time was just about a year ago when I met some other CD’s for dinner at a downtown pub. I changed on site, which was difficult in the small washroom there. I wore a black mini skirt (not too short) and I think I… Read more »
I have been going out in public totally en femme for several decades. Why did i start doing this? There is no one simple answer. At first it seemed like something exciting, a little risky, wanting to see if I really could do it. Soon it was because I really enjoyed being able to present as a woman, wearing the clothes, makeup, jewelry, etc. I also greatly enjoyed being treated as a woman. I am definitely treated diffferently when presenting as a woman. One big difference is that many women will nod and smile at me. Some strike up a… Read more »
Thank you Carole for your input… I agree with what you’ve written. And yes, I enjoy presenting as a woman as well!
Hugs, Kat
Kathryn, I recently posted in Forums under personal Crossdressing Stories my five days as Gianna en femme 24/7. Suffice it to say that I am quite simply happy being Gianna. There are many subsets of that happiness such as contentment, freedom and also pride and the satisfaction of being authentic to the point that it is just normal behaviour. Perhaps others have different views on this but whatever the reasons, it is worth stepping out and being who you want to be.
And while the world is in lockdown, practice your makeup skills ladies!
Be kind, be safe, Gianna
I do have the urge or desire to go out in public. I’ve been ‘away’ from the safe confines of my house/home/living space (and I mean more than just the outside yard or back open acre I once had) about 3 or 4 total times. And I was terrified each and every time, mostly because I knew deep down that I didn’t have the look, appearance, mannerisms down well enough to be…barely noticed. I don’t need attention, it’s just some feeling like doing something new and exciting. Maybe there’s some kind of rush or feelings that well up when I… Read more »
Hello Kathryn! My first time out was to a small group meeting with my cis friend Mary. The topic was growing up queer in rural America. A gay man and his husband led the discussion and it was quite interesting. Everyone there accepted me as a woman and made me feel comfortable. I wore a striped top with solid maroon slacks and black flats with some comfy undergarments. I have been out several times since, with friends and on my own. In answer to the question of why is: As a woman I feel that I am the true me.… Read more »
Thank you for your questions. There is at least one question most Cd’s can respond to here. I don’t fully cross dress yet, but I will soon I hope. I do dress in a blouse, pants and boots with a little jewelry when ever I go to my doctor and therapist. June 2019 began my mtf transition, however my face has not taken a fem look yet and I think I would feel too self conscious if i try to fully dress at this time. Soon I will begin to use mascara and eye liner. I hope by the end… Read more »
I have not gone out in public for a couple reasons, I have facial hair and am totally not passable. Plus the wife is not very comfortable with that where we live, woudl haev less issues if we were somewhere else. It part of the age old question why we haev a desire/ need to dress up… I am fine for staying indoors dressed up
Have never been out in public yet. Why do I feel this need? You said it best. Don’t think any girl like us can answer that. Its like dressing. Its a need you have to do. There is no choice. Have been out on my back porch dressed. But that is it so far. Still am waiting for that day when I finally have the courage to do it. What I would wear? Something very casual. Try to blend in as well as I can. Do not want to stand out in a crowd and be obvious. If I get… Read more »