Okay, here’s the question I pose to all the girls here and everywhere: why do we do this? “This” being dressed as a woman and being in public. I know there are as many answers as there are CDers and TG girls.
What precipitated this was a conversation I had with my wife last night. We had just spent 6 hours in a big mall in Boca Raton, FL with me en femme and were driving home. The backstory is I came out to her on Halloween night (see my story “The Night I Lost My Monster”) and since then we’ve gone out a number of times as girlfriends. She is so very supportive and mentors me (“don’t walk like a football player, you’re a lady” “ladies don’t order that,” “remember in the ladies’ room, toes forward!”). But she caught me by total surprise on the road with the question, “Why do you feel the need to be dressed as Kathryn and be in public? What drives you to do this?”
Whoa! What a question to be asked…especially on a crowded highway in a rainstorm! I couldn’t provide a coherent answer! I really don’t know why! I love dressing up and being as female as I can be, but I do not want to transition, I like being a man, I don’t want to be a woman 24/7. So, why do I feel compelled to dress and go out as Kathryn? I’ve been grappling with this for 60+ years. I’ve read scientific literature studies, lay articles, been part of CD groups, been in chat rooms…I don’t think anyone really knows where this “thing” comes from.
So, I tried to provide some context to my compulsion and failed miserably. I told her that no CDer I’ve communicated with could answer that question. I explained to her that for me, it is a need…a need that I can’t rationalize or understand. I simply need to do it. I am not looking for attention (or at least not that I’m aware of), I try to blend in as best I can. I think I’ve been okay with this; everywhere we’ve gone, I’ve been addressed as “ma’am or lady or girl.”
I guess I’ve become comfortable with being out as Kathryn and it just feels natural. I know it’s still me behind the makeup and clothing. But there is a difference in attitudes or interactions when you are en femme versus being a guy. People are a bit more pleasant, or so it seems.
In closing, all I can say to provide my own answer is that having suppressed my urges for decades, the freedom that came Halloween Night is amazing! I love being Kathryn, and Kathryn loves being out and about as an older woman without hang-ups. I guess the need to be me in all my aspects of life is strong now that I am older. For me, life is good!
For all of you girls out there in Crossdresser Heaven land, I have a few simple questions I would like to ask each one of you directly, so here they are:
- Can you explain to me what drives your need to go out in public while you’ve got your total girl on?
- What are the reasons, if you haven’t been out in public as a girl, which are keeping you from going out in public as a girl for the very first time?
- If you have been out in public as a girl, what was your experience like on your very first time out in total femme mode? And was it a positive or negative experience for you?
- Would you like to tell me what outfit you chose to wear from top to bottom on your first public appearance out as a girl? And did you feel awkward or comfortable in the outfit you chose to wear on that very first night out?
Thank you for taking the time to read my article and for possibly having an answer to one or more of the questions posed above!