We’ve been crossdressing for some time, but how many mistakes have we made?

My first major mistake was initially buying clothes without taking any realistic measurements. It made buying clothes a total lottery, and in the process, wasting hundreds (if not thousands) of pounds. Some of these purchases, on reflection, were ridiculous. Clothes that I just couldn’t fit into, why did I buy them? For me, it was to feel good about buying clothes and possibly being caught with them.

The second mistake was not telling my wife that I was building a wardrobe of clothes and also keeping it a secret from her. Even though she knew I liked to dress (telling her so after we came back from Australia.) If I’d told her then, I could have saved some anxiety and tears. The help and the support I needed were there in front of me all the time. Being stubborn and secretive wasn’t the best thing to do.

To feel accepted for what we want to be, we need to acknowledge that this is who we were meant to be. Many of the problems we encounter are with society in general, or in some of the more conservative parts of the world, where they don’t accept that human beings are capable of being different and they stick to their preconceived ideas.

What happens to most is that they go “underground”. We meet in hidden, unmarked places. We search the internet for “friendly” hotels to stay at and clubs where we can be accepted. We seek out the services of makeover experts to help us achieve the look we want. And…we continue to lead the double life.

There are people, societies, and clubs out there that provide the help we require. However, we often struggle to find help nearer to where we live. If you live outside of a big city, finding help can prove to be daunting. That makes it more expensive and more challenging. It also means the struggle to get the help and support we need sometimes causes us to never truly make ourselves into the person of our dreams.

We do need help with choosing the right clothes to fit us, in finding shoes that are comfortable and suitable to the style we’re striving achieve. Help in perfecting the technique required in applying our makeup so that we don’t look like the freaks that parts of society believe us to be.
There is help is out there; it’s just not easy to find, and in some cases, not affordable.

Visit Transgender Heaven

Amazon and EBay are great for getting bargain clothing. Sometimes we feel let down when the item arrives, only to find it doesn’t fit our build. Shoes, if you have big feet (mine are UK size 13) that fit. High heels that look good and fit properly are next to impossible to find.

For me, traveling out of town so that I may learn the technique regarding makeup application involves a journey between 2 – 4 hours. Then I find out the service provider doesn’t like my wife being present, even though she’s there to provide support for me and to learn how to help when I apply makeup.

Yes, there is help is out there, everything is available to help us. A main issue lies with us and how we’re able to find and use that help. If we haven’t been out in public as our feminine selves, then getting to the help we need is an intimidating task.

Take the first step and you’ll find that you can get to the help. You might find that once you’ve taken that first step, the next steps become easier. The help might even be nearer to home than we first thought. I’ve certainly experience that, and it’s my hope that everyone here finds help a lot nearer to their own homes.

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Jordan Runyard

Started my cd journey at about 12 yrs old, but wasn't able to pursue properly. Fast forward 20 odd years and another short opportunity arose. From then the feelings of wearing female clothes took hold. Still haven't told family & friends, due to religion and where we live. Wife is supportive, and helps. I still need to get the courage to go past the front gate as Jordan.

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Shirley Lacross
2 years ago


Your article rings true for me. I live near a big city, but it seems like it may as well be on another planet. I have found help though, right here on CDH. I don’t have a spouse for support, you are a lucky girl.

But, the ladies here have been a source of advice, insight, and encouragement… Like your article sweet dear. I’ve even ventured out in public en femme… only to put gas in the car, but one step at a time.



Erica Inside
2 years ago

I love your story. So many similarities. I look back on my mistakes and realize it was ok. I am learning to trust people more. Getting help from nail and make up salons. I am trying to stop looking for permission and just live. Erica is always in me and I try to let her out in little ways everyday. I have only dressed completely a few times. I still am afraid of make up. I try little bits here and there. I need to accept the mistakes and learn from them. I love seeing Erica in the mirror.

skippy1965 Cynthia
Trusted Member
2 years ago

Jordan-great article! You point out so accurately that unless and until we accept OURSELVES, we will never find society’s acceptance either. Our biggest assets are confidence and a smile!

Dasia ThePhoenix
2 years ago

I could use a work out buddy, a helpful lawyer and more friends to have fun with locally. I would also appreciate it if people would stop referring to all gender groups as “guys”. Oh yeah finding a workplace that aren’t transphobes would be stellar! I’d love to see Trans social events like 5k’s bike rides and other healthy fun. There is a group here that does some events but only 4x/year. Jordan, going out gets easier with every time you do it. Shoulders back, heels clicking those boots were made for walking!

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