What's the difference between a crossdresser and a transsexual?

It’s an old joke in the transgender community that goes like this:
Q: “What’s the difference between a crossdresser and a transsexual?”
A: “Two years”

This provides some humorous levity while astutely implying a truth about transsexuals – many of them started out as crossdressers. Unfortunately, while it makes for a fun observation it doesn’t really provide any useful insights for those who are struggling with their gender identity, or for others who hear that someone they love is a crossdresser.

It’s also easy to describe the difference between a crossdresser and a transsexual by sharing the definition of each word and describing transgender terminology.

It’s more difficult to help those struggling with their gender identity determine whether they are a crossdresser or transsexual, though I’ve made such an attempt a few times.

Crossdresser Superstore

Five days ago I had sex reassignment surgery. As someone who once considered themselves a crossdresser, and now considers herself a transsexual woman without question of doubt I feel I’m in a position to provide some valuable insight for those struggling with a similar question. It goes without saying that each person is different, and this question is best explored together with a qualified therapist, after all you’ll make life altering decisions based on what you discover.

How Do I Know if I’m a Transsexual?

    • You consider yourself a woman: Crossdressers enjoy being woman for a time, but still consider themselves to be a man. Many are even happy being a man, and indulging their feminine persona a few times a week or month is all they need. Even if they fantasize about being transformed into a woman, crossdressers never seriously consider this to be a long term way of life.
      Transsexuals feel an intense cognitive dissonance between the genders of their mind and body. For me this manifested itself in a constant ‘mind static’ that pervaded every moment. I couldn’t enjoy the fullness of life because of a birth defect that placed me in the wrong body. For some it gets so serious that they seriously consider suicide as the only solution.
    • It’s about who you are, not the clothes: For many crossdressers the infatuation with the feminine revolves around their appearance. The clothes, the makeup, the impossibly high heels. Even for crossdressers who strive to blend in, it’s about being feminine. Being feminine feels good and exciting.
      For transsexuals the entire experience doesn’t revolve around the accessories of gender expression. Another common refrain is, “How do you tell the transsexuals at a transgender conference?”, “They’re the ones wearing jeans”. It’s about who you are, not who you appear to be.
    • You take the good with the bad: Transsexuals realize that there is no escaping being a woman. No time off for good behavior. We can’t decide to be a man for a certain circumstance just because it would be easier. While we may lament the discrimination we face as women it doesn’t factor in to whether we are a woman.
    • Womanhood is messy reality, not an idealized fantasy: If your sole experience of womanhood is as a fantasy, then you don’t have enough information to say that you’re a transsexual. Many crossdressers only experience what they consider the ‘highlights’ of womanhood (It’s another post as to why I don’t believe these are the actual highlights). Nights out feeling sensual, or safe gatherings dressed in their finest feminine attire. The truth is that womanhood isn’t quite as clean or elegant. Many transsexual woman experienced and embraced the messy reality of womanhood before transitioning. If you’re wondering, seek out every day experiences as a woman.

Embrace Who You Are

Gender Identity isn’t a game that you win by being more feminine. The only way to win is to discover where you are on the spectrum, and accept yourself unconditionally. If you’re not a transsexual, that’s okay. If you are, that’s okay too.

I’ve shared my thoughts on how to determine whether you’re a crossdresser or transsexual. What insights have I missed? If you’re a crossdresser and firm in that knowledge, how did you come to this realization?

EnFemme

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Tasi
Tasi
8 years ago

With all due respect to my many transsexual friends, you beg the question with this constant barrage that it’s all about the clothes for the crossdresser. For some it may be admittedly, but for many of us, it’s just an expression of femininity and that doesn’t mean overtly sexual or just blending in either. Of course feeling feminine is good and exciting, but in case you haven’t noticed, what the heck do you think genetic women are doing. Some of the outfits they wear are hardly meant to blend in and in fact, I don’t think that should be our… Read more »

Ema
Ema
8 years ago

Well after reading this article I’m not sure what I am anymore. I have a man body but inside I know that I am a woman 100% woman 100% feminine , I been cross dressing all my life I always wanted to change my body to look like a real woman but I never had the opportunity or the money to do it and to be honest I never had the courage either so I just be happy to cross dressing living in secret and in fear. I might have a man body dress like a man pretend to be… Read more »

Jenny
Jenny
7 years ago

Very interesting article and comments. I am very new to crossdressing so I really don’t know which direction I am going at this point. As far as the type of clothes I wear, heels, panty hose, bra and panties, and a dress. I think I might dress less extreme, but that’s all I have for now. I recently separated from my wife because of my crossdressing. Since I am now living alone in a hotel (for now until the divorce moves further), I dress every day and can’t wait to get home from work so I can dress. I don’t… Read more »

Karyn Lobelia
Karyn Lobelia
7 years ago

The most important thing is to love yourself and have empathy for yourself and others . I feel cross dressers or femmes simply want to be feminine and live or dress in a way that expresses who they are , they are not masculine and want to live and dress as a lady . In Apache culture their were only two jobs , warrior and squaw . No Apache warrior would except a feminine man to be anything other than what he was a woman or squaw doing or having that role . We are all actors in life ,… Read more »

Monica Michaels
Monica Michaels
7 years ago

well… i’m 42… i have been dressing since before I could tie my own shoelaces. It started w/ my sister’s things when I was only 3 or 4 or 5. Do I feel trapped? Oh my my, oh hell yes. But trapped in the wrong body? That’s hard to say. I think when transgender men or women say that, they are referring to their genitals… But personally, I believe that there are different levels if that ‘trapped’ feeling… I am a smaller person @ only 5’6″ tall. But despite my small frame, compared to a cisgender woman, my body has… Read more »

Danica Ashley
Danica Ashley
7 years ago

Thank you for sharing this. I am 54 and came out to my wife of thirty three years a couple weeks ago, although she is supporting me as I go through therapy and as I start transitioning I know she does not fully understand what I am going through. I plan on sharing this with her because it is so well written. I was one of those on the verge of suicide because I could not see a way out and did not want my wife and kids to suffer the shame of what I am. Fortunately I had enough… Read more »

Tom
Tom
7 years ago

I know you all are children looking for meaning in life. I want you to know Jesus loves you all and wants you to find completeness in only Him. All your confusion is due to your lack of knowing HIM. Only Jesus can give you the peace and tranquility you are searching. This lifestyle although, it may appear okay, is not okay by the creator. God made you and knows you best. If you desire true love and purpose discovery, it can only be found through your God. Jesus loves you.

JaneS
Member
JaneS
7 years ago
Reply to  Tom

Your post Tom shows a confusion within your own faith. If your god is as great as you suggest why do you infer that he makes mistakes. Are we not the products of your creator? If what we do is so wrong why did he make us this way? I have found the peace and tranquility I seek, I know the happiness of those who love and support me and, most of all, I have done it without the interference of narrow-minded bigots who hide behind the concept of some mystical being to espouse their own petty ideals. If your… Read more »

Renee Rose
Lady
Member
4 years ago
Reply to  Tom

Yeah, well, like, that’s your opinion, man. In all seriousness, I believe the Creator makes no mistakes. I am the perfect embodiment of an entity that could make me in any way, shape, or form they would like. And as is their right and privilege, they made me this way. This way. Not some other way but this way. Who am I to deny the full expression of their creation? I have free will. Ah, but I am a man/woman and am afraid of judgement and rejection because my faith and trust in this infinately loving Being is faulty. I… Read more »

Tom
Tom
7 years ago
Claudia C
Member
7 years ago

Tom, apparently you do not know scripture too well. Granted that the area of CD/TS are debated throughout Christianity, how did you come to this point of view? Did you consider that the Bible itself tells of stories of various sexual acts. The stories in the Old Testament are stories passed down throughout generations until it was written text.It is the meaning of the words that is important. Granted, ultimate salvation comes from getting the wisdom and knowledge that the Lord can teach us, it is also how it is interpreted over time. How can you just outright call what… Read more »

Codille Benton Baer
Ambassador
Member
7 years ago

Tom, I applaud that you are a man of faith and strong belief. I am also a man of strong belief, who crossdresses. Let start with the easy one, man was made in God’s image. If God didn’t want me to crossdress he wouldn’t have put it in my head to do it. God gave man free will, think that one kind of covers itself. Man is sinful. All people sin, none of us are perfect. In the Christian religion there has only been one man to walk the Earth without sin, our Savior Jesus Christ and what did he… Read more »

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