My first time in women’s clothes came to me at the age of five. I didn’t know how fortunate I would be to experience such a thrilling moment at such a developmental time for me. My sister who was seven at the time brought me into her room and opened her closet. I remember I had black and white horizontal leggings on with a denim skirt on over it, then I had a cute white shirt on. I was embarrassed but at the same time I had never felt this fuzzyness going on in my chest. I became addicted to this feeling and would constantly be trying to put myself in a situation where my sister, a friends sister, or anyone would dress me up. I remember I would always hit in our shoe room and wear my moms boots or hold her handbag. I never knew what this would mean.
In middle school, when my parents would trust me with the house alone when they would go out, I would find myself in my mother’s closet. I loved running my hands through her hanging clothes. First, I would always find my favorite pair of her panties, which was a pink g-string with a little pompom on the butt that my dad got her for Easter one year. I’d but that on and look at myself thinking that I looked good. Next I’d put on a black bra, followed usually by a black skirt. At this age I didn’t have a clue about fashion so next I’d put on a pink sleeveless golf top. Next came my favorite part, picking the jewelry. I discovered that I loved women’s watches (still do). I would wear a gold watch, gold bracelets, and a gold necklace. Then the moment I will never forget was the first time I looked in a mirror all dressed up how I wanted to be. I was mesmerized. I felt so comfortable and relaxed, I remember my face was just glowing with how comfortable and natural I was. I just looked at myself touching the necklace for what seemed like hours.
Today I am 20 years old and I don’t know what I am. Am I gay? Am I straight? Crossdresser or transgender? I told myself I was gay but I still didn’t feel right. I told myself that I was none of the above, yet I kept coming back to dressing.
So I started going online and creating profiles to chat with others about crossdressing and ultimately found myself on a porn site talking to men who were interested in girls like myself. I would get such a rush from it that I now know what I am. But before I tell you that, I need to tell you how I discovered my new identity.
I was talking to a man, and I brought up names and he suggested Ruby, because I love jewelry and diamonds make jewelry twinkle. So I took on that name and I still felt a little off. I was in another chat with a guy and told him that I’m Ruby so we talked for a but, then he mistakenly called me Rose. And that was it. Rose is my name.
So hello world, my name is Rose and I’m not gay, I’m a transgender who is attracted to men!
Thanx for sharing your journey to date. I can understand how difficult it can be to make sense of such feelings. I have struggled with my feelings about who I am for almost twenty years. Though the support of my wife, I am finally beginning to get a handle on them, but I am far from saying that I have a clear comprehension.
I so identify. When I was your age over 40 years ago it was very difficult to find information and I was decades figuring out the difference between being gay and being transgender.
Hi Mackenzie! Yes it is very hard to understand the whole thing. I have fought it for years to no avail. I finally realized I had to accept it. You are not alone. We are special believe me. Contact me anytime sweetie! Luv ya.
Rose, I found this a very sweet story, and I hope it will have a happy ending for you someday. I have shared your confusion for many years and still do. I seem to see-saw back and forth between being attracted to men and being repulsed by them. I love women, but don’t seem to be attracted to them sexually anymore. I try not to think in society’s labels anymore– LGBT, straight– and just think I have my own unique sexuality. Actually I think everyone does. They might not be brave enough to explore it. All the best on your… Read more »
I agree I am new to this
Rose,
Thanks you so much for sharing our story! As someone who had thought for years that they were only A CD, the discovery recently that I have TG feelings as well is both terrifying and exciting. Terrifying because of he many potentially life changing decisions/events that may be coming but exciting in that I may finally be discovering who I am at age 51. I still am not certain where my life will lead but I am going to enjoy the journey and try to be who I truly am-no matter who that turns out to be!
Cyn
Hi, Rose. Thank you for your honesty! I know the fuzzy feeling in the chest moment. What a lovely description. Best to you. Jess
thank you for sharing how Rose came to be Rose.
I love the story. I had a somewhat similar start with clothes except
that I didn’t have access to my sister’s clothes. I was in high school and had to get my clothes other ways. Being dressed as a girl felt right and even looked right. Today I am the lovely trans woman I discovered back then. My marriages didn’t work out but I am ok with that now. I am lucky though that my gf is also my bf.
hi rose loved your storey love dressing find hard to lave the house i would like to travel were i would not be known good luck
Thank you Rose and all the others with there comments and little replies also I have been a crossdresser for many years now since I am alone and enjoy the company of mostly men who are gentlemen and women who understand me But I must say I enjoy the company of a man more and I am gay and found out that through many years of therapy. Most do not know this in my family either and when the time is right they will know. I can go further but realizing this is also family related site i will not.… Read more »
Rose and Simone Thank You so much for your observations. It helps others too you know, At 53 I finally decided I was bi and I’m not saying I’m sorry. When I was 20 Rose I had some God awful experiences mixing Robin with alcohol (alot of alcohol) but through those experiences 35 years ago there were some enjoyable experiences with guys, and at 53 I can say “great". I’m married with three kids, and only accepting Robin have I accepted my past. I tell my kids (who are 18,22 and 26) to have sex, but don’t include booze and/or… Read more »