I took the picture accompanying this article with the Snapchat My Twin filter. It makes me look decidedly younger and prettier than I really am. I start with this because I did the same with my previous Crossdresser Heaven article and received flattering responses. I do not want to mislead anybody. I am not all that. Not visually, not personally.
My wife and I walk our dogs twice a day. We use the time to communicate about anything we feel the need to address. The virus, Russia vs. Ukraine, remember to take out the trash tonight – those sorts of things. On our morning walk today she asked, “Do you want to become a woman?”
My immediate reaction was, “No!” And I spoke the truth. I have no desire to undergo HRT or surgeries. No judgment for others who feel differently (honestly), but the only kind of intimacy I want/need to experience involves me in the old-fashioned male role with her in the equivalent female role. I’m a guy who has the compulsion to present as a woman outside of our bedroom.
Our identities are complicated. I truly have no desire to become a woman, in part I already am one. I have to keep a constant watch not to behave in stereotypically feminine ways on the job because I work in a place where ambiguous sexuality has not yet become acceptable. If a great song comes over the system, I have to resist the impulse to dance. When I carry books, I have to remember to hold them in one hand down low and not cradle them above my hip. However, I behave like a woman when I can. So my safety requires vigilance.
I am Moira. I am also my birth name. I am, somehow, a man.
I thank God my wife accepts me. I wish all of us could have such acceptance. Now here is a vitally important point: while she and I have spoken of the challenges my identity poses for her, we have also spoken of the challenges her identity poses for me. I cannot specify what those are, because while I have her consent to post my particulars here, she does not want me to post hers. I totally respect that. I can say, however, that she presents me with certain hills to climb. (They have nothing to do with gender identity.)
We have been together for 46 years. I honestly believe our relationship is an accomplishment, but also a gift. We hurt each other. We disappoint each other. We frustrate each other. But we accept each other. No matter what your identity, this is what I wish for you. Again, not because I feel superior or advanced, but because acceptance makes your self-expression, no matter how complicated, so much more possible.
And ideally, acceptance starts with ourselves. Can you tolerate your identity? Fine. But can you accept your identity? Better. But can you embrace your identity? Best. May your significant others do the best they can, for you and for themselves, as well.
Thank you for taking the time to read my article. I’m looking forward to reading your responses to my story.
Sincerely, Moira
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I like your post..I too have no desire to go on HRT, surgery, or become a woman.. as I often say, " I like stratching my testicles. They comfort me."
It’s great that you honor your wife, without sweeping issues under the carpet.
Hi Moira,
You are blessed to have a partner who helps you along and seems to ask the right questions and work with you.
It is not only for you but others to tolerate your identity, then accept and finally embrace. It works hand in hand for the journey to where you want to be.
I know I’m blessed. I’ve read SO many accounts of sisters whose significant others could not accept this.
Thank you for having posted your insights, Moira.
I love this Snapchat filter – it does a miracle with our pictures. For me, it worked as a primary acceptance tool, something like “this is the girl you can be/become”.
Also, having a long lasting relationship like yours is amazing, especially when your preferences aren’t considered as a no-no for your wife.
xoxo
Daisy
She and I go back to high school, when both of us felt unacceptable. She is an amazing athlete and human being. High school sucks.
Thank you Moira,
You are right, every situation is diffetent in my case in thies is a cuestion of fluidity and completness, I am both male and female.
And everyday combination of these two polarities is my goal now that I tecognize and beguin to accept what I always hide in my subconscience , my strong and sensual female side.
And keep on working myself…
Kisses
Sonia
Moria, first you look amazing. Thanks for your article. I am a man and do not want to become a full time woman. I do however, love cross dressing and feeling feminine.
What an amazing look inside another’s heart, and the similarities are many. Having been married nearly 46 years, me embracing Haley as a part of myself has opened my wife to accepting my ever-changing look, personality, and expressive nature. I am comfortable with who I am, and have no real desire to be the family matriarch…we have one! Trying to explain the seemingly unexplainable takes time, patience, and as you said, embracing one’s self. I don’t suppose I will ever truly understand women, including the one that lives within me!
YES.at Except, don’t let the complexity confuse you. Your identity is at least partly female. Whatever that entails.
I have no doubt that is true, she is definitely with me always
Thanks for posting this! As someone who has been married for almost 25 years, this reflects my current struggle too…per your final paragraph, I only began to tolerate my identity about 12 or 13 years ago, started to accept after therapy about 4 years ago, and only in the last year have really embraced it. So, now what? Like you, I don’t feel the desire for a medical transition, but think of myself as a woman and want to express that more and more, perhaps even full time. How this will affect our marriage I can’t say yet, but I’m… Read more »
Lexi, talk with her. Be honest. It’s the best path forward. Rehearse what you’ll say and listen to yourself saying it. Is it honest? Really? If yes, say it. Because not saying it cheats both of you.
I know, I know! I’m not good at taking potentially irreversible life changing steps…especially those that might hurt a loved one. That said, I tried to tell her once before and it didn’t go well, but that’s likely because I wasn’t being honest. I was hedging, and I think it confused her more…I’m working on it…
Hey Lexi..! I Came clean to my girlfriend of 15 years just recently sweetie… I was so scared to lose her but wanted to be honest with her aswell as I wanted to marry her and for her to say yes to all that comes with me… It was a tough conversation so I got dolled up and introduced her to Dallas… She was mostly worried I might be gay but I reassured her.. Fast forward a year and we are engaged and have never been better … she trusts me fully and I dont hide anything… If she loves… Read more »
Thanks, Dallas! That’s amazing and stories like yours give me so much hope…
Thank you for this Moira. It sounds so similar to my own feelings. Your wife wounds like a wonderful person.
Moira
You really do look beautiful and I am pleased your wife is so loving. Take Care and well done babe.
Rachel
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