I took the picture accompanying this article with the Snapchat My Twin filter. It makes me look decidedly younger and prettier than I really am. I start with this because I did the same with my previous Crossdresser Heaven article and received flattering responses. I do not want to mislead anybody. I am not all that. Not visually, not personally.
My wife and I walk our dogs twice a day. We use the time to communicate about anything we feel the need to address. The virus, Russia vs. Ukraine, remember to take out the trash tonight – those sorts of things. On our morning walk today she asked, “Do you want to become a woman?”
My immediate reaction was, “No!” And I spoke the truth. I have no desire to undergo HRT or surgeries. No judgment for others who feel differently (honestly), but the only kind of intimacy I want/need to experience involves me in the old-fashioned male role with her in the equivalent female role. I’m a guy who has the compulsion to present as a woman outside of our bedroom.
Our identities are complicated. I truly have no desire to become a woman, in part I already am one. I have to keep a constant watch not to behave in stereotypically feminine ways on the job because I work in a place where ambiguous sexuality has not yet become acceptable. If a great song comes over the system, I have to resist the impulse to dance. When I carry books, I have to remember to hold them in one hand down low and not cradle them above my hip. However, I behave like a woman when I can. So my safety requires vigilance.
I am Moira. I am also my birth name. I am, somehow, a man.
I thank God my wife accepts me. I wish all of us could have such acceptance. Now here is a vitally important point: while she and I have spoken of the challenges my identity poses for her, we have also spoken of the challenges her identity poses for me. I cannot specify what those are, because while I have her consent to post my particulars here, she does not want me to post hers. I totally respect that. I can say, however, that she presents me with certain hills to climb. (They have nothing to do with gender identity.)
We have been together for 46 years. I honestly believe our relationship is an accomplishment, but also a gift. We hurt each other. We disappoint each other. We frustrate each other. But we accept each other. No matter what your identity, this is what I wish for you. Again, not because I feel superior or advanced, but because acceptance makes your self-expression, no matter how complicated, so much more possible.
And ideally, acceptance starts with ourselves. Can you tolerate your identity? Fine. But can you accept your identity? Better. But can you embrace your identity? Best. May your significant others do the best they can, for you and for themselves, as well.
Thank you for taking the time to read my article. I’m looking forward to reading your responses to my story.