It occurred to me as I viewed the contest photos for this year’s contest that we all tend to be drawn to… something. Whether it is what we view and decide is appealing to what we desire in our mannerisms and dressing. Some of us have had the same sports team our entire life while others swap their current favorite for another when certain situations arise. As a kid, I played little league baseball for the Pirates; the team I rooted for until the Cubs snuck in around my edges and converted me. Pro football used to be the Dolphins, and I stayed true to them throughout Dan Marino’s career… now I root for the team that isn’t the (#$%!) and generally, they need to have an Iowa Hawkeye football player on their team.
I think we do the same rituals when it comes to (Who) we dress for instead of the nagging question of (Why) we dress. I once commented in a past article that I believe we dress to become the ideal version of the woman that we desire. If I could transform myself into that version, she would be the one that I’d want to be with. She is the one that would catch my eye and raise my blood pressure. It is also who I similarly look towards when scouting out the photos of other CDs, women, and transgendered. That classy, sassy, provocative mature lady. She shows just enough but is more likely the tease than treat. When a woman walks by me in a skirt, blouse, heels, hair, and nails done nicely, her makeup and accessories perfect and not garish, the scent of her perfume lassos me in as easily as the sway of her hips, I’m not only hooked; I’m also envious…
I want her as much as I want to be her. That is the duplicity of this life. I think we all would have searched for that mock-up (had we known way back when) of that vision to call our partner. If we had found them, would we have still navigated to this point on our crossdressing path? Would we have been more satisfied and content? Or… would it have driven us even more crazy? The more I dress, the more I refine some of those expectations. I am also in a constant study of all females (some feminine men) in the manner of how they present themselves, how they wear their clothes, hide their imperfections, walk in their heels, apply their makeup, use their hands to talk, and all manners of body language. I take it all in, process it, and then try to become it. This was so true throughout most of my journey. I realize that I am more than just a CD; I am a person moving along the transgender scale but stuck between the complexities and rewards of both genders. I can only pretend to be that version of desire. I could attempt to become closer to it by undergoing all the surgeries and such, but I still will never be able to be the “Ideal” rendering of that desire.
As a younger man, I could have lived a happy life as a stripper. Those shoes… the sexuality and promiscuity, the “look all you want but don’t touch” persona they had. Then it was the Hot Mama, the yoga guru, tennis star, toned, tan, and on a pedestal too high for me to climb. I’m still (even as I near my mid-sixties) enthralled by the mature executive or society lass who is in complete control of the room when she walks in. She shows her legs and cleavage, smiling when she sees you noticing. Wears clothes to accentuate what is best and hides the rest. Spends as much time perfecting the details as she does maintaining her body. She eats right, exercises, and knows that her makeup and accessories need to match her mood and her agenda. She is clever, sophisticated, put-together, and formidable. She is in control of herself and the subjects she rules. She comes from all walks of life. She might be our neighbor, a doctor, a church secretary, or even the single mother who still dresses for the occasion (and she does it extremely well) that is to be her stage. It matters not if it’s at the grocery store, shopping, eating out, mingling with friends, or sunning poolside.
But; back to the original insights. Who do you dress for? This is the complexity that I’m endeavoring to present. I admit that it hinges on the Why as well, but from a different angle. Are we prone to dress for what we miss or desire? Is it our way to symbolize and show appreciation for a particular person? I’m not delving into the fantasy or fetish arena; just the rationale for why we pick the certain style of clothes, jewelry, hairstyle, and mannerisms. An easy answer is to say it satisfies the male wanting within us. Who doesn’t love the hot chick country, gothic, punk, anime, etc. look? Am I dressing as the mature executive because I want to be her or is it deeper than that? Some of us dress to what we miss or felt was the best part of our lives; it could be our mothers, sisters, best friends, neighbors, classmates, celebrities, etc. Something draws us to that vision. It isn’t because it necessarily looks good on us, but it does assuage us, it is part of the pink fog that helps to remove the stress of being who we wish we were instead of who we are. Maybe, it’s much deeper than that!
When I’m in full glamour and I look good, I can’t help but wonder if an alternate version of me, fully woman, isn’t who I should be, who I want to find to be with, or someone I’m trying to impress with my dressing. Why else would I wear the shapewear, spend exorbitant amounts of money on my presentation (clothing, accessories, wigs, makeup, etc.), take endless pictures, endure sore feet, fear getting caught, and all the other incidentals rather than throwing on a pair of leggings and a sweatshirt, comfy fluffy slippers, a dab of lip-gloss, and call it all good? That’s what the typical woman would do on a Friday night after an exhausting week at work. Not us, and no way. We dress to impress… whether it is for ourselves or someone else.
More than enough for us to ponder this time… Have a great dressing experience, smile at yourself in the mirror, take the pictures, and enjoy the moment!
Until next time…
More Articles by Sabrina (Brina) MacTavish
- Living in the Shadows
- From Across the Room
- Hello 2025! An Invitation to submit an Article.
- Tis the Season to be…
- Left or Right?
Latest posts by Sabrina (Brina) MacTavish (see all)
- Living in the Shadows - April 25, 2025
- From Across the Room - March 4, 2025
- Who do You Dress for? - January 11, 2025
- Hello 2025! An Invitation to submit an Article. - January 1, 2025
- Tis the Season to be… - December 4, 2024
I dress for myself. To know that I’m attractive. And to feel the bralette hug my breasts. But I also dress for that fantasy man or gurl who might need seducing. Nothing like a zippered fleece to quickly expose a fetching teddy or floral bra..
wonderful imagery! Thanks for the comments 😉
@JackieBois Love the images you’ve described. Ha! A zippered fleece is suddenly sexy?! Yup.
I dress only for me!
I’m dressing for the girl within me. She loves the spicy variety of feminine fashion. It more like a primal instinct. The huntress cat on the loose. But dressed up pleadingly nice. With some degree of spice!
Fran 🥰
Nice analogy! Thanks for the comments 🙂
@bmactavish
Thanks for the great story and the question! 🥰
@Fran LaRosa I love your name, Fran. Just scrolling by and thought I’d say so, not that it matters at all. Just cute.
@theresanyc
Thanks Theresa. It ironic that the girls get the pretty clothes, accessories and names! Boys get blaaa! 🥰
So true. If we just get reincarnated when we die, I think we’ll be reborn as feminine women which makes me happy.
@theresanyc
That would be nice. Or maybe wake up one morning fully female 🤔 🥰
Yes. I just really want sensitive nipples that get hard under my t-shirt. So sexy!
@theresanyc
Sounds like a wet T-shirt contest entry! 🥰
I dress for myself and have shall we say a few outfits (actually more than my male side). I dress for myself and enjoy it a lot obviously. I have been taking pictures of myself for years and now with apps on my phone I can change my look. The app will change gender give me a more female face and another app lets me put makeup on my face better than I can achieve myself. I look much younger with good makeup and more feminine I love them. With my outfits I have found my style over the years.… Read more »
Thanks for the comments. I think that we tend to navigate towards the “uber" feminine attire because of the allure and distinct correlation it has to being feminine. Today’s younger women see it as old-fashioned, maybe, and we see it as stylish and alluring. I don’t use the apps though I have looked at a few. I used to use a few to do makeup back several years ago. I’ll have to give one a try. Thanks.
I loved the article and it is so true for me. I dress for myself.
it gave me a lot to think about..Hugs Brit
Thank you! I appreciated the kind compliment. Thanks for commenting 🙂
😊Thank you
This is a good question. And one I have been pondering most recently. I think sometimes the who and the why are intertwined. The why is because that’s a way I can express the inner (real?) me. The who – it’s for me. I think it is becoming less and less about who sees me – in fact I don’t want anyone to see me – if you know what I mean. I want to be just part of the crowd. Blend in. Not necessarily pass, that’s not exactly what I mean. I mean I just want to be me,… Read more »
I think one of the biggest transitions is in dealing with the feelings of guilt and shame. Once you accept that this is who I am, it becomes less about the sneaking, etc., and more about coming to terms with what can I reasonably expect and do within the parameters that I have to keep myself and those I care about content. We tend to bear the load, sometimes without the need. This is me, and I need to find ways to express it. Thanks for the comments!
@Sabrina (Brina) MacTavish You summed it up perfectly dear. This is something similar to what my therapist was saying.
I dress mostly for my self or when I go on walks with my mom and her dog.
I appreciate you commenting! Sounds like a wonderful time!
I think that was in the 80’s. Now, I just like to be gently touched. Not that I’ve ever been in a wet t-shirt contest – – ever!
Sabrina you are a very good writer. I’m a reader and good writing keeps me interested. Your article is thought provoking. Now I need to think, who, what, where and Why.
@Sabrina (Brina) MacTavish I choose the clothes that I like and that match my mood or what I plan to do. For sports, leggings; for housework, something comfortable. But I do it just for myself! In these moments, I am completely at peace with myself and enjoy being a woman. No stress, no distractions, no worries. Looking in the mirror always rewards me!
I am far more likely to put on a sweatshirt and leggings, maybe a touch of mascara and I’m done.
I dress for female me and female me is quiet, introverted, a home-body, and wants to look pretty whilst home making.